Boss: How's that new glue?
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.
Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
My boss told me to have a good day ...
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
Boss said he’d fire me if I made any more country puns
It was the end of my Korea
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:
Sheepdog: All 40 sheep are accounted for, boss. Farmer: But I only had 39?
Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
Boss: How’s the new glue?
Me: It kinda sucks
Boss: Just stick with it
My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...
I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?
Boss: It's May
Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?
(I'll see myself out.)
I was working my 9-5 at the paint supply warehouse, I just asked my boss for a raise
He handed me a ladder and asked if that was good enough
Which conifer do all other trees call "The Boss"?
I asked a friend for one reason I shouldn't murder my boss.
His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.
My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"
In my house, I'm the boss.
My wife is just the decision maker.
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him
everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.
I used to think employers valued their workers, until yesterday when I worked a full day, but only got paid twenty cents. I see my boss entirely differently now after that.
It was a real paradigm shift.
TIL Elton John wrote an unreleased song about his short-lived affair with the lead actor in "Who's The Boss?"
He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to dick,
Especially when his name is Steve.
My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"
I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said
Good employees are hard to find nowadays
My boss said to me, “You are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”
I said, “I’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”
Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss
He always catches the snitch
Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.
It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.
my boss found out I'm high at work
but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all
My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...
Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"
I'm only 20 please help
My boss called to ask if I'm free.
I said 'no, I'm expensive.'
I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.
He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.
A coworker and I were talking about our boss behind her back during our lunch.
Later on she found out and said to us : "You disgust me".
And I said : "Yes, yes we did".
My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”
I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.
Me: It must be my weakened immune system.
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch that it might be me.
My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays."
I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
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