Boss: How's that new glue?

Me: πŸ‘Œ

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vbloke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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My boss just told me that I’m the worst mailman he has ever seen.

Shit..l meant to post this somewhere else.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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I told my boss, β€œSorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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My boss told me to have a good day ...

so I went home.

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
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My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuxCassandra
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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Boss said he’d fire me if I made any more country puns

It was the end of my Korea

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperNova7039
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 158
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.

Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tbag420-69
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:

"Sorry boss, Omelette."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
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Sheepdog: All 40 sheep are accounted for, boss. Farmer: But I only had 39?

Sheepdog: Yeah I know, but I rounded them up!

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
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At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, β€œI like it well done.”

I said, β€œThanks. That means a lot.”

πŸ‘︎ 101
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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Boss: How’s the new glue?

Me: It kinda sucks

Boss: Just stick with it

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stephen2274
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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My boss wants me to sign up for a 401K...

I’m not sure how he expects anyone to run that far!!!

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rgapinski
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 786
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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What do you call the boss at Old McDonald's Farm ?

The CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word".

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?

Boss: It's May

Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?

(I'll see myself out.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amar610
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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I was working my 9-5 at the paint supply warehouse, I just asked my boss for a raise

He handed me a ladder and asked if that was good enough

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superto3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
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Which conifer do all other trees call "The Boss"?

Spruce Springsteen.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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My boss brought bagels for breakfast and asked me which one I wanted. I said "give me one of the Spanish bagels". He responded " One of the Spanish Bagels?"

Ay poppy

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thendofreason
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I asked a friend for one reason I shouldn't murder my boss.

His answer was simple. There is no Netflix in prison.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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In my house, I'm the boss.

My wife is just the decision maker.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
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When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him

everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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I used to think employers valued their workers, until yesterday when I worked a full day, but only got paid twenty cents. I see my boss entirely differently now after that.

It was a real paradigm shift.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotNIpsyRussell
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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TIL Elton John wrote an unreleased song about his short-lived affair with the lead actor in "Who's The Boss?"

He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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My boss hates it when I shorten his name to dick,

Especially when his name is Steve.

πŸ‘︎ 236
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OttoTheGeezer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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My boss asked me, "Why do you come out in rashes every time I give you your wages ?"

I said, "Because I am allergic to peanuts."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
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My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said

Good employees are hard to find nowadays

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B0GiN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
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My boss said to me, β€œYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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Harry Potter could be a great mafia boss

He always catches the snitch

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/3174N
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Yesterday, our boss Monty asked us to check the stock of vegetable shortening.

It was the count of Monty’s Crisco.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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my boss found out I'm high at work

but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uhrilahja
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
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My boss was surprised that pc screens were delivered before headsets...

Me : "it's because light travels faster than sound"

I'm only 20 please help

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/heey_its_Ben
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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My boss called to ask if I'm free.

I said 'no, I'm expensive.'

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
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I asked my boss if he would donate to my organization that provides medical support to Asian children with terminal diseases so they don’t have to be put down.

He hasn’t responded yet, but when he does I’ll find out if he supports youth in Asia.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/srirachase
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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A coworker and I were talking about our boss behind her back during our lunch.

Later on she found out and said to us : "You disgust me".

And I said : "Yes, yes we did".

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Oleflitzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
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My boss said, β€œI find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, β€œIt must be my weekend immune system.”

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: I find it highly suspicious that you are sick only on weekdays.

Me: It must be my weakened immune system.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days

I said it must be my weekend immune system

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weiderman316
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss told me that he was going to fire the person with the worst posture

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch that it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss said "I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays."

I said, "It must be my weekend immune system."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 156
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word'

πŸ‘︎ 740
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?" - Me: "I Excel at it." - Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"

Me: "Word"

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KimJongEwww
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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