Captain Pun

There was a captain that was roused from his cabin by a commotion on his ship.

He ran out and yelled β€œWhats going on?!"

His first mate replied β€œWe Have Octopuses on the poop deck, captain!”

The Captain looked around as a few squid scurried around the deck and said β€œInform the passengers that our arrival to shore will be delayed due to... tentacle difficulties."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MalosBlade
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Captain America at his best
πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamrdk21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15
🚨︎ report
What did Bones say to Captain Kirk at the river crossing?

Dam it, Jim (Be gentle it’s my cake day)

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Guru_in_flannel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?

At a second hand shop.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16
🚨︎ report
Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks ?

At the second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fuck-o-Dear
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Where does captain hook get good deals on used prosthetics?

At the second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-umop-apisdn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
Why didnt Captain America lift Thor’s hammer untill he needed to?

He didn’t want to steal his thunder

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Parkwad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
Should we give Captain America's fight technique a name. I have one.

Capslock

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/geeky_or_nerdy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
How many ears do Star Trek captains have?

3

A left ear.

A right ear.

And a final frontier

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Captain America vs Wolverine imgur.com/Uhy8rOJ
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xerotrope
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Captain America doesn’t even call them Freedom Fries.
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who is obsessed with the Scarlett Witch, Captain Marvel, and Black Widow.

I guess you can say he's a heroine addict.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drogers5606
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
What is Captain Morgan’s fav board game to play with his family?

Rummoli

:)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/not_a_fly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...

Dictatorship.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
The first thing I’ll say if Captain James Hook ever get hit by a truck is

β€œYou ain’t seeing half of the insurance money”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wu-Chinese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Captain America humour be like
πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AgentAqua7897
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
What's a pirate captain to do during quarantine?

Cleaning their YAAAAAARGHD

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
Captain America
πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
I'm a sea captain, my crew was goofing off at the back of the ship...

... I had to give them a stern warning.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
The captain wanted all sailors of German descent to come out onto the top ship platform and line up...

It was all Hans on deck!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why was the captain of the USS Roosevelt relieved of command?

The Navy hates leaks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/amart612
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
What did Captain Ahab say when Moby Dick pooped on him?

Whale shit!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeakMeat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Captain! Are we going off course!?

Captain: Of course!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Normal777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
What do you say to a pirate captain that doesn’t need an eye patch?

Eye Eye Captain

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
When Captain Hook was running away from the ticking alligator..

It must have been very time consuming!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Captain America got point
πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamsdhere
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
An excellent sea captain is...

... admirable.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
Why did the submarine captain keep a barrel of potatoes in his room?

There was nothing in the world he loved more than eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I just found out where Captain Hook got its hook

He got it from a second-hand store

πŸ‘︎ 476
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryansberc21
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why should you be cautious of a Finnish submarine captain?

He’ll sink ye.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RayInRed
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
They found the murderer of Captain Crunch.

It was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thefrayedfiles
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of card does a sea captain get when he is in the hospital?

Get whale soon

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Captain America and Dr. Strange respect each other?

Because there’s no honor amongst Steves.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheXMarkSpot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Captain Hook probably bought his hook from a second hand store
πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What is Captain Hook's favourite store?

The second hand shop

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Captain Kirk flush the brand new toilet?

Because William Shatner

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Remember how Red Skull was being consumed by fire in the end of Captain America

Guess you could say he needed a fire HYDRAnt

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/888prosperity
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook purchase his hook?

At a second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 603
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sk1wbw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
"Move t'ward the rudder, matey!" The captain yelled.

"Aye aye, cap'n," the first mate said as he gave him astern look.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
Talking about Peter Pan when my 14 y/o daughter says, "Captain Hook is single-handedly my favorite Disney villain."
πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherramon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2018
🚨︎ report
Captain Hook was into sustainability,

that’s why he bought his hook from a second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChewbaccaNZ
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
If Falcon becomes Captain America

Does he become Captain Falcon?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mini_Mega
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

Three: the left ear, the right ear, and the final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thepattato
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Incredible Hulk?

The Star-Spangled Banner.

πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RobRoy333
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
"This is your captain speaking"

"AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING."

πŸ‘︎ 332
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
since captain rogers retired after endgame, he's no longer a super soldier

he's now a super veteran

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sakibug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Captain Hook such a bad swordsman?

He lost all his first hand experience.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotter66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

At a second-hand store

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s Captain Crunch’s favorite exercise?

Sit-ups.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Onna_Beach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Captain Crunch is a pirate

So he has probably killed people

Making him a Cereal Killer

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/N00BM4ster69-
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does captain hook go for replacements....

The second hand shop

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Northwestern253
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A Saudi Arabian captain was warming up his ships engines before heading out on patrol, when the religion police came and arrested him and his crew...

They were charged with "Idle Warship".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cry2Laugh
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Captain Jack Sparrow would be proud reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NinjaButNotReally
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ship captain with a big booty?

"Thicc" with seven C's.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"

"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?

It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheCovarr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross captain America and the hulk?

Star spangled Banner

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-Real-Nincotic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3! The left ear, the right ear, and his final front-ear.

πŸ––

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khunter610
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A young-looking sea captain comes on deck to greet his crew for the first time and one man blurted out by accident, "He's a baby!"

The captain responded, "No shit, I used to be a seaman."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blekais
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Makes me sad that Captain Hook never made it to Admiral

Guess it didn’t Pan out

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
🚨︎ report
People only trust high ranking navy sailors. for instance there's Captain Morgan rum, Captain crunch cereal.... You never see seamen crunch!
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sisterblisterblob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Who shot Captain Crunch?

A cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeBurge
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the dyslexic Captain say when he tried to teach his crew how to sing?

Ro me ti

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimJobJugger
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I finished off a box of Cheerios at breakfast, a box of Lucky Charms at lunch, and a box of Captain Crunch at dinner.

I’m a real cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I need help! I am co-captain of a team to raise money for cancer. My team needs a name. I need to mix some element of cancer with Alice in Wonderland. I need a pun, and I figured this subreddit is the best place to go. Thanks
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanfp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Captain Kirk finally came up with a name for his invention: a cross between a hose nozzle, a spoon, and a fork.

He called it Mister Spork.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gecko_echo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was Captain Crunch in jail?

Because he was a cereal killer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cromosapien
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
This is your captain speaking.

THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN YELLING.

πŸ‘︎ 743
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2018
🚨︎ report
When Captain Marvel goes to the bathroom it's creepy.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/genesiscreation7
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Captain Hook bought his prosthetic limb at a second hand store.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yup4545
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
CAPTAIN!!! I'M GIVING THIS JOKE ALLS SHE'S GOT!! facebook.com/337488353757…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scottyblanco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I think Stan Lee’s cameo in Captain America Civil War was...

general lee marvelous.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/prunedada
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you get ahold of Captain Crunch?

His cereal number.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
(X post) An artillery captain was made a saint by the Catholic Church.

One could say he was cannonized,

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Timmy the tugboat captain would never forgive his peers after they would steal barge-moving jobs from him.

He definitely harbored a grudge.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Ensign: Captain Picard, can our relationship be something more than just Captain and Ensign?

Picard: Make it S.O. .

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did the captain keep his buccaneers?

Underneath his buccanhat

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A merchant approached the captain of a SWAT team about upgrading their riot shields...

The captain replied, "Finally! A purchase I can get behind!"

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BradEmery
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Pirate Crewmember: β€œTHE CANNONS BE READY, CAPTAIN!”

Pirate Captain: β€œAre...”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jam592501
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the captain say to the happy pirate?

You look jolly, Roger!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimbobobaboBob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the captain hate his boat's anchor?

It was a piece of ship.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did captain hook buy his hook

The second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nihilman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

From the second hand store.

πŸ‘︎ 525
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarris5
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

From the second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CoolRedman1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

From a second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Da_Po-Ta-Toe
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
🚨︎ report
This is your captain speaking. AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING!!!
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scalderdash
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?

The second hand store

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Andyh10s
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you get when you cross Captain America with the Hulk?

The Star Spangled Banner.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spider1178
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
This is your captain speaking:

THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Captain Kirk has three ears?

A left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Smedlington
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Where does Captain Hook go for Replacements?

The Second Hand Shop

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
How many ears does Captain Kirk have?

3: a left ear, a right ear, and a final frontier.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TotakekeSlider
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.