Captain Pun
There was a captain that was roused from his cabin by a commotion on his ship.
He ran out and yelled βWhats going on?!"
His first mate replied βWe Have Octopuses on the poop deck, captain!β
The Captain looked around as a few squid scurried around the deck and said βInform the passengers that our arrival to shore will be delayed due to... tentacle difficulties."
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︎ Oct 31 2019
Sea Captain
A sea captain hunted for his white whale for decades. When he finally came upon it, a storm roared to life and began to toss his ship to and fro. A cannon came loose and crushed his leg.
He got the whale, and left behind a legacy.
((Work in progress. Just came to me during a conversation over a game of cards. Feedback welcome.))
Where does captain hook like to shop?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
The Captain of our flight called the cops when he saw a film crew
He heard they were there to shoot a pilot
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Ship Captain: Guys, I need help. I donβt remember how to write 2 in Roman numerals.
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
>!The second hand store.!<
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Where did Captain Hook buy his hook?
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︎ Aug 16 2020
What did Captain Kirk say to Spock as he was hanging off a cliff?
Just Klingon, Iβll go get help!
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︎ Dec 21 2020
A pirate wanted to celebrate his captainβs birthday, so he bought a large quantity of balloons while ashore. Back on the ship, he walked over to hand the balloons to the captain, but he tripped and most of them floated away. The captain said, βArrr! That was a costly mistake...β
βWe lost a lot of doubloons.β
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︎ Nov 28 2020
What did Captain America say to his wife after taking Viagra?
"I can keep this up all night"
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︎ Nov 25 2020
If Captain Marvel got snapped by Thanos...
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︎ Nov 29 2020
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Did you hear about the sea captain that went in for a hat fitting at the local haberdashery during rough seas?
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︎ Nov 12 2020
Somebody get the Captain! Thereβs been a hull breach! Weβre going down!
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︎ Sep 08 2020
Where did Captain Hook get his hook?
From the secondhand store!
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Pirate goes to doctor to have groin pain checked. Dr. looks down pirates pants and says, βyou have a captainβs steering wheel in your pants.β
Pirate replied, βarghh, itβs driving me nutsβ.
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Where was the captain sent after he hit another ship?
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︎ Sep 22 2020
Captain Marvel got snapped by Thanos.
She was played by Debris Larson.
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︎ Oct 25 2020
Captain America at his best
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︎ Aug 15 2020
What does Captain Kirk and toilet paper have in common?
They both fight Klingons around Uranus.
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︎ Oct 14 2020
A Navy captain got in trouble for ordering an anchor much too large for his ship
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︎ Sep 22 2020
What did Bones say to Captain Kirk at the river crossing?
Dam it, Jim
(Be gentle itβs my cake day)
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︎ Jul 25 2020
Why did the pirate captain say "Arrr!"
The crew came to him and said:
"We be ready for the voyage, cap'n!"
"Arrr! It's 'we ARE ready for the voyage,' ye scallywags!"
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︎ Oct 01 2020
Why do Egyptian riverboat captains tend to be flat-earthers?
Because they live in da Nile.
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︎ Sep 14 2020
How did Captain Hook fight Peter Pan & the lost boys?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
Where does Captain Hook buy his hooks ?
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Captain America doesnβt even call them Freedom Fries.
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︎ May 24 2020
A captain and his crew. (Hopefully hasnβt been posted before lol)
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain who was the most amazing best captain a crew could ever ask for. His crew loved him more than anything and would do absolutely anything for him.
One day as they were sailing, a crew member In the crows nest shouts, βone ship off the port side!β Immediately the captain yells at his crew, βMen! Bring me my red shirt!β
Slightly confused, the men hesitate for a second and then hurry off to bring the captain his red shirt. Amazingly they win the battle!
The men are so happy and thankful their captain brought them safely through the battle they donβt even care why the captain wanted his red shirt.
A few months of sailing some more, again the man in the crows nest yells, βTwo ships off the port side!β Quickly the captain screams, βMen! Bring me my red shirt!β The crew doesnβt hesitate this time to get him his red shirt and what do you know? They win this battle too!!
The crew is astounded at their captains awesomeness!!! They honestly could n
...
keep reading on reddit β‘
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︎ Aug 21 2020
Where does captain hook get good deals on used prosthetics?
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︎ Jul 20 2020
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Should we give Captain America's fight technique a name. I have one.
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Why didnt Captain America lift Thorβs hammer untill he needed to?
He didnβt want to steal his thunder
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︎ Jul 29 2020
How many ears do Star Trek captains have?
3
A left ear.
A right ear.
And a final frontier
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︎ Jul 02 2020
I have a friend who is obsessed with the Scarlett Witch, Captain Marvel, and Black Widow.
I guess you can say he's a heroine addict.
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︎ Jul 02 2020
What is Captain Morganβs fav board game to play with his family?
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︎ Jul 13 2020
Captain America humour be like
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︎ Feb 21 2020
Cut the potatoes into penis shapes and fill your boat with them. Now you are the captain of a ...
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︎ May 23 2020
I just found out where Captain Hook got its hook
He got it from a second-hand store
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︎ Nov 23 2019
Captain America
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︎ Feb 26 2020
Captain America got point
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︎ Feb 23 2020
The first thing Iβll say if Captain James Hook ever get hit by a truck is
βYou ainβt seeing half of the insurance moneyβ
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︎ Jun 06 2020
What's a pirate captain to do during quarantine?
Cleaning their YAAAAAARGHD
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︎ May 02 2020
I'm a sea captain, my crew was goofing off at the back of the ship...
... I had to give them a stern warning.
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︎ Apr 04 2020
When Captain Hook was running away from the ticking alligator..
It must have been very time consuming!
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︎ Mar 20 2020
Why was the captain of the USS Roosevelt relieved of command?
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︎ Apr 03 2020
Where did captain hook buy his hook
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︎ Jan 31 2020
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