A lieutenant of a marching band had lost his piccolo, he went to a music instrument-store and asked for a piccolo

The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly.

After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant

No I am the lieutenant

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/minecraftkoolkidz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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We grew up SO POOR I drank Nurse Pepper...

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
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After I joined the army, I served in a furious war of Iraq , when we came home, I was sent to jail, I don't understand why......

My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sabishaw
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Have you seen the guy in a wheelchair who stole my camo jacket?

He can hide but he can't run.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheHispanicPickle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 25 2020
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I need a pun

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lcg32195
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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I work in a manufacturing mill. It's crazy how many General contractors you see

When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor

๐Ÿ‘︎ 13
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/peon2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Who is captain crunches supervisor ?


๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jediesel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
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Phone rings.......Dad: What does the Caller ID say?......Son: It says Private Caller......

Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 227
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/2donutkid2
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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Scientist Found a Critical Flaw in General Relativity

It has since been demoted to a lieutenant.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/louisng114
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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My boss got me

I was telling him about how I needed to go say goodbye to a good friend of mine tomorrow. My friend is a new second lieutenant of the US Air Force and he's leaving to go to his assignment soon.

Boss: Hey, how many lieutenants are there in the Air Force?

Me: I don't know. A lot I guess.

Boss: Well, I think it's pretty cool that he came in second.

My groan sounded a lot like laughter.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 289
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FantasticFruitBowl
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 25 2016
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Why did the Cylons invade the coffee shop?

Because they thought it was Lieutenant Starbuck's place.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mouringcat
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 14 2017
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Called my dad from different phone today ...

When he picked up he told me that "it showed up as 'private caller' when you called. I told your mother that we should reject the call because I only accept lieutenant caller and higher."

Credit to my friend's dad

๐Ÿ‘︎ 26
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/xThoth19x
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 28 2016
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What do you call someone who wants to rent your bathroom?

.... A Lieutenant

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zjaws88
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
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My friend is a new dad. He posted this on Facebook today...

"Is a lieutenant someone who rents a bathroom?"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrm395
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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Dadjoked one of the officers today.

I was unloading salt from a truck when one of the lieutenants was walking by. He asked me what was going on and I said "Sir, I'm just being the saltiest marine around!" A groan followed my statement.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BeastOfEire
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 26 2014
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Dad joke at the dinner table.

My family was at the table, eating a nice meal. My mom had prepared some corn, and my brother didn't find it to be satisfactory.

"These kernels are too small!" he said.

My dad replied with "Maybe they're just lieutenants."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AdmiralMudkip
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 22 2014
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Message to the guy in the wheelchair who stole my camo jacket

You can hide, but you can't run!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Leaf_Leavezz
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2018
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