Lieutenant Puns

The store keeper said that they ran out of stock of piccolos but he could rent out a flute, the lieutenant agreed promptly.

After the performance the lieutenant came back to the store to return the flute. The store keeper asked if he was the flute tenant

No I am the lieutenant

...she was an LPN.

We had a Don't Bother Checking account.

My first pet only had 3 legs, and it was a centipede.

Mom had one bra, and it was a lease.

For breakfast we ate Lieutenant Crunch.

My first spoon was monogrammed though ("1/2 TSP").

We were too poor to even say "awesome." We had to say "awefew."

We sat at the campfire and made S'Lesses.

My pillow only had one side.

Repossession was 9/10 of the law.

Five kids had to share one shoelace, and instead of toenails we grew toe staples.

Our scotch tape was scots-irish.

(I'm allowed)

My first shower came with sound effects and a lightshow.

One year Santa had to bring stockings.

The next year he filled them with nooses.

I did have a jumprope with a rattle on the end. And fangs on the other.

Other kids hunted eggs for Easter but we just died.

My lieutenant said , fire in the hole and I fired In his hole .

He can hide but he can't run.

Idk if this fits this sub, but I'm planning a Halloween costume and just need a punny name for it.

I'm going to wear timberland boots, camo cargo pants, an olive/brown/green/earth t-shirt, aviator sunglasses, and get a beer bandolier.

I need a solider/army/military + beer/alcohol/drinking pun to name the costume. Any suggestions?

When I've never seen a single lieutenant or corporal contractor

GENERAL MILLS

Dad: Don't answer it. We only pick up for ranks Lieutenant Caller and higher.

It has since been demoted to a lieutenant.

I was telling him about how I needed to go say goodbye to a good friend of mine tomorrow. My friend is a new second lieutenant of the US Air Force and he's leaving to go to his assignment soon.

Boss: Hey, how many lieutenants are there in the Air Force?

Me: I don't know. A lot I guess.

Boss: Well, I think it's pretty cool that he came in second.

My groan sounded a lot like laughter.

Because they thought it was Lieutenant Starbuck's place.

When he picked up he told me that "it showed up as 'private caller' when you called. I told your mother that we should reject the call because I only accept lieutenant caller and higher."

Credit to my friend's dad

.... A Lieutenant

"Is a lieutenant someone who rents a bathroom?"

I was unloading salt from a truck when one of the lieutenants was walking by. He asked me what was going on and I said "Sir, I'm just being the saltiest marine around!" A groan followed my statement.

My family was at the table, eating a nice meal. My mom had prepared some corn, and my brother didn't find it to be satisfactory.

"These kernels are too small!" he said.

My dad replied with "Maybe they're just lieutenants."

You can hide, but you can't run!