Today, I was accosted by an angry Monk brandishing a bouquet.

Remember, only YOU can prevent Florist Friars.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainNuge
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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Almost got stabbed to bring you this one...

My wife was working on a green bean casserole and couldn't find one of the ingredients.

Wife: Have you seen the can of fried onions?

Me: What does it look like?

Wife: White container, red writing.

Me [Feigning hopeful tones]: Little red writing?

Wife [Relieved]: Yeah!

Me: ...hood?

Wife brandishes knife.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chaosTechnician
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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Got on on the wife this morning doing yard work

Was trimming a palm tree this morning and a piece came flying down at my wife and she said did you see how close that got to me, I turned at her from my perched position on the ladder with a huge smile and replied 'oh I saw' as I brandished my rusty saw, quite proudly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theedeacon
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2014
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