It was jarring!!!
it's always a rash decision
Turns out he has a lot of spin itch...
I asked him if he had a 123.
Confused, he looked at me and asked what I meant.
I stared back and said, you have an ichi ni san.
He had pachydermatitis
Lice, Lice, maybe?
Because they’re dead.
“No, but I brought you up, didn’t I?”
It's a bit sour, though.
It's left me scratching my head to be honest.
It was a par time job.
They knead it
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
They weren't up to scratch.
I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"
He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."
I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"
He said, "Nope, I feel fine."
And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."
He still gets mad about when I bring it up.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
You always have to start from scratch.
Dad: Was it itchy?
Right before he scratched
As he was walking it over to his car he said “be careful guys 🎶 I’ve got the whole world in my hands🎶”
Me: Can you make it kanga flavored? Wife: What?
You make it from scratch.
Now all I need is a toothbrush.
Then I remembered, you have to whisk it to get the biscuit.
My first response was “okemon”
A book mark
the joke just left me scratching my head.
It’s a little thing I like to call, Scabs on the carpet
The class had just scratched the surface!
My wife said she was protecting her. I said "no, you just can't have two women in a room without one of them getting catty."
She left the room, came back, told me that was a terrible joke, and left again. I was very pleased with myself.
It's still in the experi-lentlil phase
I saw right through my problems.
I was gonna tell her a joke to lighten the mood, but decided not to. I can see that my jokes are beginning to get cornea and cornea.
My job involves me giving presentations to large groups of teenagers. Today, I was telling them about different workshops we have on offer, including African drumming and DJ workshops.
So I said - 'I'd love to tell you a bit more about the DJ workshops, but I'd barely scratch the surface.'
Ever seen 200 teenagers groan and roll their eyes? Glorious :D
Too many of them have the itch...Modric, Mandzukic, Perisic...etc
Because the have a lot of ic’s.
He asked me where I got my scratch from.
I am now the #1 chair maker of the company.
Though, looking back, it seemed unethical, considering the fact that tools exist
He heard there was a lot of scratching involved.
I just texted this to my wife, and she told me to get away from her. xD
I came up with this one as I was looking at my son's mouse pad he got for christmas. https://smile.amazon.com/gp/product/B07DGXR859/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_asin_title_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&psc=1
Me ow.
The band aid
He said you shouldn't mess with former presidents.
Floating in a pond? Bob.
Hanging on a wall? Art.
In a pot on the stove? Stu.
Who's all scratched up? Nick.
Who got into a fight with a cat and lost? Claude.
Who's a bartender? Phil.
Lying in front of a door? Matt.
Who's a public speaker? Mike.
Who's deathly white? Paul.
Who works out every day? Jim.
Who's in the bathroom? Lou.
It was rad-ish
You can make literally anything from it.
So I came out of my room just as my dad was pulling biscuits out of the oven.
"Oh, cool. You made biscuits?"
Dad: "Yep. From scratch."
Knowing my dad isn't one to actually make biscuits from scratch, I decided to challenge him.
"You ACTUALLY made biscuits from scratch?"
Dad: "Well, I had to scratch the label off so I could open it."
Chuckle.
I would never armadillo.
That left scientists scratching their heads.
"Now when your mom asks if you've made your bed, you can always say yes."
A face-plant.
To his surprise, when he scratched it off he had won a million dollars. The man picked up his phone right away to call his wife.
Man: “Honey, I won the lottery! Pack your bags!”
Wife: “That’s amazing! I’m so excited where are we going?!”
Man: “I don’t know where you’re going, but be out by 5!”
The guy scratches his head with his gun saying, “I hate when that happens.”
So he says to me: "My car got SON damage!"
Cheered me right up.
because he's a neck romancer.
I still scratch my head over it.
after a slight, recent issue of my kid putting her shoes on the wrong feet, she hits me with this...
"daddy, not like shoes, socks can go on either foot!"
"youve got it, honey"
i look down a few seconds later... both socks are on the same foot.
"you told me either foot was ok!" she laughed hysterically for minutes.
Because it's made from scratch!
I guess he would have to start from scratch.
He has been complaining about his ear for the past few days, possible infection. He was saying how he couldn't hear well and how his ear itched but he couldn't scratch it.
"Man, that must be ear-itating"
"Do your homework"
A patient came to the ER with a rash that she had been scratching for a few days. I told her it was an allergic reaction and that I'd prescribe her steroid cream. She asked me if she'd be discharged soon.
I said "Wow. You're really ... itching to get out of here."
Silence, then groans. Just the response I was looking for.
It was made from scratch.
Thanks for the tip.
Preferably made from scratch.
I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"
I asked her if she made it from scratch
The operator said ‘Have a nice day son’. ‘Don’t call me son’ I said. ‘You’re not my dad’ The operator scratched his head and said ‘No, but I brought you up didn’t I?’
This has left scientists scratching their heads.
Guess I'll have to start from scratch.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
The class had just scratched the surface!
The problem has left scientists scratching their heads.
