He just sits in his wheelchair and cries .
This wouldn't have happened if judge had set a higher bale.
It drew blood.
When you get circumcised, your prick is skinned.
I know my wife loves a boo-K.
Then he stabbed me in the back.
The porcupine has pricks on the outside.
What a prick
But what about Uncle Vax?
Turns out they were a back-stabber.
... because everyone on it is a prick
It was a real prick job
So not the kind you tell the kids, but certainly Dad jokes, and totally true!
I recently had a vasectomy and the guy 'doing the deed' was some genius wordsmith or was just trying to be punny.
The first thing he said in the prep-talk was "you won't feel a thing".
A few mins later it was "don't worry it will all be over quickly"
and finally whilst administering the local anaesthetic "you may feel a small prick".
We, I thought it was funny and he certainly gave me a chuckle.
They're only good at raising pricks.
It must be short tempered.
Her: The recipe says, Step 3: Prick with a fork to make sure it’s cooked.
Those little pricks.
He was a real prick.
What is the difference between a porcupine and a middle aged man in a Porsche?
A porcupine has pricks on the outside.
One of my housemates said he thought a hedgehog would make a cool pet, I replied "Nah, you don't want a hedgehog, they're all pricks."
[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]
Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.
I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:
"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."
Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnec... keep reading on reddit ➡
So, there's this yellow toad wandering around in the forest kinda pissed off because he doesn't want to be yellow. Life would be easier if he were brown like the other toads.... He'd sure be less visible to predators for one thing. Anyway.... This yellow toad bumps into a fairy godmother. "Fairy godmother, please make me brown like the other toads" he begs her. "I'm hacked off being so visible to predators. The stress is like, killing me, you know?" "Okay" says the fairy godmother, who whips out her magic wand and goes: "Abracapokus! You're brown!" The toad looks down and sees that he is brown! Except..... for his weenie, which was still yellow. "Hang about lady," he says to the fairy godmother, "My pecker's still yellow!" "Yeah, well I don't do weenies," she says, "You'll have to go see the Wizard of Oz for that." So the toad thanks her and hops off on his way. There is also a purple bear wandering about the very same woods. As luck would have it, he encounters the very same fairy god... keep reading on reddit ➡
He had to do an emergency landing in the desert and took out a bunch of cacti with his wing. Him: Stupid cacti, I didn't like them anyways. Me: Yeah, they were a bunch of pricks.
Dad: "Ah. This is where all the pricks hang out."