such a prick to talk to
πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sssuuurrreeee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A prick
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lu_jess_jk
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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My son is such a prick. I bought him a trampoline and he won't even jump on it.

He just sits in his wheelchair and cries .

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shdwstar2417
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mairiphinc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
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Why is being a vegetarian like being a prickly rodent...

Because for pork, you pine

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Justlikeyourmoma
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
Wife holding up "Prickly Pear Margarita": looks like I'm not driving...

Me: Why?

Wife: I don't want to drive im-pear-ed!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
People keep saying that needles are scary...

Guess they have a point !

πŸ‘︎ 100
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πŸ‘€︎ u/primeboy217
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
I heard a cactus fell in love with a fruit tree.

They make a prickly pear.

πŸ‘︎ 203
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kadunk25
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I met a beautiful cactus today, so I told it, " you're looking sharp today ".

" I'm just a cactus " , it said. " You have a point there ", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Magnusfeli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Things got a little prickly and I painted this Cat-tus!
πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Killbarney1039
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
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Hedgehogs

Why don't they just share the hedge?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
I pricked myself with my pen the other day...

It drew blood.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bennyboi7910
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I arrested some hay after it pricked my finger, but I've heard it left the country

This wouldn't have happened if judge had set a higher bale.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I would bee carefull too.
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Party-Pupper
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Picture Perfect Puns

Ancient Scot Richard's Warriors: Dick's Picts

Loki - Trick pics (from my brother)

Pictures of an Adam Sandler movie: "Click" pics.

Pictures of a Kaitlin Olson character: The Mick's pics

Screenahots of these comments: Wit pics

Leaky faucet: drip pics

X1 Cumberbatch photos: Benedict pics

X2 Pope photos: Benedict pics (also works)

X3 Turncoat snaps: Benedict pics

X4 "Wong" image: Benedict pics

Legal command: Writ pics

Pictures of twigs: Stick pics

A Christmas Story scene: lick pics

Pictures of a Winter Saint: Nick pics

Syringe photos: prick pics (from a friend)

Sporting goods store images: Dick's pics.

Dan Harmon cartoon character: Rick's pics.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndySkibba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
A man had a fetish for touching and hearing, one day his friend got mad and slapped and yelled at the man

He ended up coming to his senses

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JK-AJ27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When you get a shot, your skin is pricked.

When you get circumcised, your prick is skinned.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StaleTheBread
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Need Hella Puns

https://preview.redd.it/wa3s3ozxftc61.png?width=4500&format=png&auto=webp&s=04f10d36e95914e4d39ec2312ce5176a062911b1

Who thinks they're punny?! πŸ˜œβ €β €I sketched this Hellraiser holding a cactus and thought it'd make a cute Valentine's Day card. I'm in the process of colouring it and I want YOU to help me caption it.β €

I've asked the question on IG (@ashrobertsondesign) but didn't get a lot of feedback so I'm reaching out here. Gimme your best prick, point, hell, etc. related puns n make it about love πŸ”₯

I'll choose a favourite from the comments and turn it into a FREE Valentine's Day card printable.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashtrobertson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I’m sorry.
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noodlemcfoodle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends "Cactie"...
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ododorktheke
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a woman trades sex for a tattoo?

Tit-for-Tatt

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Malak77
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are cacti so careful?

They don't want to be pricks.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what really gets under your skin?

Needles

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FaithInterlude
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I trusted my acupuncturist.

Then he stabbed me in the back.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Hey dads, get your significant other one of these for valentine's day!

https://imgur.com/VpQ80W3

I know my wife loves a boo-K.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/surfrock66
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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...
πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/c12tim
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
My family tree is a cactus,

it's full of pricks

πŸ‘︎ 291
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shirul
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a Mercedes Benz and a porcupine?

The porcupine has pricks on the outside.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxFezzgigxX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Everyone always talks about Anti Vax...

But what about Uncle Vax?

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vitalogy1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to fire my acupuncturist.

Turns out they were a back-stabber.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnGi3103
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I ran into my enemy named cactus the other day

What a prick

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lZombieChaserl
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Your family tree must be a cactus ...

... because everyone on it is a prick

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/saam_h
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
🚨︎ report
This tiny sword keeps getting angry with me.

It must be short tempered.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyleMistry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
I had to trim my rose bush today

It was a real prick job

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheNewBo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
The life story of a professional body piercer would be full of holes.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/black_flag_4ever
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
True story Dad joke

So not the kind you tell the kids, but certainly Dad jokes, and totally true!

I recently had a vasectomy and the guy 'doing the deed' was some genius wordsmith or was just trying to be punny.

The first thing he said in the prep-talk was "you won't feel a thing".

A few mins later it was "don't worry it will all be over quickly"

and finally whilst administering the local anaesthetic "you may feel a small prick".

We, I thought it was funny and he certainly gave me a chuckle.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Peas forgive the Facebook post.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/probrian
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Cactus Farmers Shouldn't Be Parents

They're only good at raising pricks.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Did I tell you guys about the extremely rude cactus I met the other day?

He was a real prick.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t3rrapins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
This group of kids ambushed me and pushed me into a cactus.

Those little pricks.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Her: Would you mind grabbing a fork and standing in the kitchen for a few minutes? Me: Ok, why?

Her: The recipe says, Step 3: Prick with a fork to make sure it’s cooked.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Egocentric speciality fish mongers

sell fish pricks.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kid_Truism
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2017
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my housemates regarding pets...

One of my housemates said he thought a hedgehog would make a cool pet, I replied "Nah, you don't want a hedgehog, they're all pricks."

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cindres91
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2014
🚨︎ report
One of my clients told me this one.

What is the difference between a porcupine and a middle aged man in a Porsche?

A porcupine has pricks on the outside.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Peglegpegasus
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
I had a workplace win with an excellent pun, and I'm still smiling about it.

[Sorry for the wall of text, I just wanted to share this with you]

Ok, so technically this was before I knew I was a dad at the time, and it happened a long time ago, so I'm paraphrasing it a bit (have to leave out some details. It's work related lol), but I'm really proud of it.

I was having this workplace dispute with this really snively guy who was being a bit of a prick about some work assignment he was really proud of. Long story short, he was worried about someone else taking credit for something and wanted me to talk to our boss about it for him (What does he think I am lol). Anyway, as I'm walking away I hear him coughing. So I turn around, and with this great big smile on my face, I'm like:

"Don't choke on your aspirations, mate."

Anyway, I thought it was a great line. I was smiling all the way back to my office. I don't know why it came to my mind at that moment, but it wasn't long before I'd meet my kids for the first time in years, and it was really great to reconnect with them.

Anyway, my kids are pretty popular (my son's a school teacher, so I don't want to embarrass him in front of the kids), and my daughter would be mortified to hear a dadjoke this terrible great so I'd appreciate if you didn't mention any details about me in the comments (might spoil their evening lol) it was just a nice little moment.

Anyway, just wanted to share the moment with you guys.

D. [To the mods, I know this is a kind of just a pun, but I thought it was worth posting here. I hope you guys understand.]

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CloakedCorgi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2016
🚨︎ report
My family tree is a cactus

Full of pricks

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ozboz3000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report

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