What's the most common disease in HR departments?

Staff infections.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoogleCensorsAreBad
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 29 2020
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HR [OC]
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/blackcatjazz
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 17 2018
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Does anyone work for HR at Pastures New?

If so, can you please stop poaching my staff?

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/emu404
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 17 2020
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I used to work in HR in the coal industry, but I quit.

I got tired keeping up with the miner details.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 20 2018
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I just quit my 20/hr per week internship to start my first full-time job and I'm kind of sad...

...I think I'm suffering from post-part-time depression.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/scorkla
πŸ“…οΈŽ Oct 17 2015
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I quit my job working in HR at a coal company.

I got sick of all the miner details.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2019
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Dadjoked my new hr rep.

As a fellow ginger she came to me today and introduced herself. Not feeling so well. I politely declined her handshake. Explained that the stomach bug had gotten me. She proceeded to say it was nice to meet a fellow ginger, and followed with "you should drink some ginger tea to help with your stomach."

To which I replied, "Can't. That would be cannibalism."

Took her a second. Then a guffaw.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/tdbravesfan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 11 2015
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My girlfriend is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.

More on this after the break.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 29 2020
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Shania Twain has given birth to a baby boy.

Choo Choo, was born at 3:30pm today weighing 6lb 8oz.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 12 2020
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I know accountant that is always tired

I believe his job is very taxing.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/masives
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 10 2017
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Got a co-worker with this one as he was heading home after a 24hr shift.

I work in the investigations section of a military police department, and aside from our normal office hours, we have 24hr shifts that cycle through the office, so that there's an investigator present and on-duty 24/7/365.

My co-worker was wrapping up some paperwork this morning, and coming off of his 24 hr shift, and almost dead to the world. At the time, a pair of other investigators in my office were discussing some case that had happened a day or two prior that involved an emancipated juvenile.

I was just logging into my workstation to check my e-mail and I turned to my co-worker and asked, "Hey, so when a juvenile gets emancipated, and he announces it - proclaims it, if you will - what would they call that?"

He stares at me with a blank, uncomprehending expression and I continue, "An emancipation...proclamation? Maybe?"

The annoyed groans of someone who's been up for 24 hours are so satisfying.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Droidball
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 08 2015
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I Dadjoked my wife....

Local gym, we're on the treadmills close to the doors. A group of Mexican descendants walk out the doors, this is a 24 hr gym after normal business hours. Wife: I wonder if all of them have memberships Me: No, just Juan..... Wife: ..... :/ I swear I'm not racist.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/fatherofzeuss
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2018
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A new job

My dad just got me good, talking about a job I'm starting while going to school:

Dad: Did you hear from HR?

Me: yeah I have to go for a drug test.

Dad: Do you have to study?

Me: Wha-oh my god I hate you

I'm the youngest of 5 so he's had a lot of practice

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/DeciusMoose
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 09 2017
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My father and space travel...

I have been watching our 'tax payer funded' spaceman Major Tim Peake's intergalactic adventures with very limited interest and have done some some pretty basic arithmetic. The ISS is 250 miles above the Earth,and Tim and his spaceman mates took off at 11am -ish, and it took 7 hrs to get there. Fuck me that is just a little over 35 mph, my first car an mk1 escort would have got there quicker!

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/z-2
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 15 2016
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My boss got me this morning

Boss: "What time is the meeting today?"

Me: "Umm... 2:30"

Boss: "Go see a dentist, then."

I'm filing a report with HR.

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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Damjo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Dec 08 2015
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Dad-joked a family friend

http://i.imgur.com/hrFxsXl.jpg

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheTurner
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 07 2015
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Just dad joked my gf

Back story: she's flying home today after a week of vacation. Has 2 connecting flights ~8 hrs

Her- "I hate travel days, I just want to be home." Me- "but you'll be here soon enough" Her- "not uh, its like 8 hrs" Me- "I'm sure those hours will FLY by..."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 10
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RamalamaRingDong
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 01 2014
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