I never thought The Bumper Book of Farming would be such a difficult bedtime read.

But it's full of words I've never even herbivore.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
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Bedtime at the swiss cheese family:

But dad, I don't want to go to sleep. There might be scary muensters in the closet.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?

They gargoyle

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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Bedtime thoughts (OC)
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KILLA2-0
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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What do cows tell each other at bedtime?

Dairy tales.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
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For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.

It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graceful_ox
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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The King gathered all the chess pieces around to tell a bedtime story. He said...

"Once a pawn a time..."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Bedtime joke

As I’m walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that they’re looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dithia
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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Mom: "Why did you read our son a naughty story for bedtime?"

Dad: "The one about the giant and the magic beans?"

Mom: "Yes."

Dad: "Whats wrong with 'Jackin the Beanstalk'?

Mom:"......."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakiray6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, β€œIs it over?”, to which I replied,

β€œYep, that’s all she wrote!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Which classical composer do Old McDonald’s chickens prefer listening to before bedtime?

Bach...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlkWhtOrOther
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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Pasture Bedtime young one
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GalaxyLFoxYT
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
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Our bedtime conversation

Me: (enormous, burly fart)

Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!

Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/julius_yang
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Bedtime problems
πŸ‘︎ 182
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πŸ‘€︎ u/halfpeeledbanana
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
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My wife told me to put the baby down at bedtime

I said, "son, you're never going to amount to anything."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gstrong2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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What does the sea weasel want after their bedtime story?

"An otter one!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuritos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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Bedtime for newborn

My wife was changing our 7-week-old’s clothes before bed and she picked up a footless sleeper onesie.

Wife: β€œWho bought this for us? I don’t even know why they make them like this.” Me: β€œYeah, and I can’t believe they could even find one in the stores. That’s no small feet!”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kangaroo_Quart
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
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I'm going to buy a female horse to read me bedtime stories.

I'll call her my Goodnight mare.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainnT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2018
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What do you call a bedtime smoothie?

Pajamba Juice

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roycifer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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LPT: If you are suffering from insomnia, listen to some smooth jazz right before bedtime.

It has a lot of mellow tonin’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2018
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After one bedtime story a son asks his father, β€œAnother story, Daddy?” The father replies...

β€œOk, but after that, no more. Remember: we live in a two-storey house.”

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Freklred
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
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Bedtime Joke

My dad used to tell me this one all the time when I was a kid.

  • Knock Knock
  • Who's there?
  • Goat
  • Goat who?
  • Go To Sleep
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoony_Slice
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2013
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What type of bedtime stories do horses read?

Pony tale.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kovehshteeble
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Me telling my son a bedtime story

"It was solid mahogany, with memory foam and I had just worked 12 hours and.."

SON " WRONG TYPE OF BEDTIME STORY DAD!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TightMysticmike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2017
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My puppy refused to be put back in his crate for bedtime.

He was charged with resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DropLeMic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2017
🚨︎ report
My 6-year old son came out of his room after bedtime...again.
Kiddo : Enters stage left.
Dad   : "What are you still doing awake? Go to bed."
Kiddo : "But I feel like there's something I need but I don't know what it is."
Dad   : "There is something you need that you're not getting right now."
Kiddo : "What's that?"
Dad   : "Sleep. Go to bed."
Kiddo : Exits stage right, sardonic expression that simply says "Dad, am not amused."
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/n33d_kaffeen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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When his son kept complaining that his bedtime was unfair, where did the sommelier send him to timeout?

The whine cellar

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/davidjayhawk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Indian who drank 5 gallons of iced tea before bedtime?

He drowned in his teepee.

Thanks Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Matraxia
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2013
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend dad joked me at bedtime.

I asked him to grab the lights.

He asked, once I grab them where would you like me to take them to?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lrnrae
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
So my dad told me this as a bedtime story when I was a kid... shaggy-dogs.briancombs.ne…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrumMajor518
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2013
🚨︎ report
What do cows tell each other at bedtime?

Dairy tales!

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do cows tell eachother during bedtime?

Dairy tales.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ginger_Waves
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report

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