Did you know that Optimus Prime will turn into a monkey anytime he eats food?
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.
What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?
How do you let your Native American friend know he's welcome anytime?
Essentially, anytime a new toilet is christened you are "Going where no man has gone before."
I saw a restaurant that had a sign up saying “Breakfast anytime”
So I ordered French toast during the renaissance.
I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.
They’re free range archers now.
A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.
"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."
Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:
Looks like it won't stop anytime soon..
She probably won't meat up with him anytime soon
Looks like it isn't gonna stop anytime soon..
Anytime I tell a terrible joke to my kids, I walk away from them and yell it from across the room.
If they groan, I say, “I think I took this joke too far.”
Anytime someone hurts their knee try these:
Ask where it hurts and then say "oh so you hurt your High-knee" if it's the top of the knee, or "oh you hurt your Below-knee" if it's lower. My dumbest but favorite joke I've come up with.
I say this anytime someone says, “That cracks me up!”
“Good thing you’re not an egg!”
I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid, but it’s not a problem because he can stop anytime
Anytime anyone asks me how do I feel I reply...
With my hands
This was my grandfather’s favorite joke
*Anytime someone says the word “intense”
Anytime I do something smart, My dad says...
‘Wow, you’re a 'Fart Smella'…I mean SMART FELLA!’ Me: WHAT??!
anytime we are within 3 feet of his pegboard of tools in the garage, my Dad drops this on me.
Anytime someone has to say, "excuse me," to my father.
"You're excused."
I started using it myself and you get a mix of reactions. Usually a short chuckle. So short I'd probably call it a chuck.
Anytime we meet new people and my mums not about.
My wife’s gone to the Caribbean.
Oh, Jamaica?
No, she went of her own accord.
He does it mainly with other dads. Who all seem to be in on it and ALWAYS ask "Jamaica"as opposed to another Caribbean island! It's like a world wide conspiracy.
Literally anytime anyone says it.
"I'll be back." "Ok, I'll be front."
Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...
"I can see a boat, canoe?"
My friends dad would say this to him anytime he did something stupid...
"you're as sharp as a marble."
Anytime someone is getting married.
DAD: Make sure you treat her right. I really screwed things up with my first wife.
PERSON: I didn't know you were married before Lily (his current wife).
DAD: I wasn't thats who i'm talking about.
Heres my favorite dad joke my dad tells anytime when we talk about milk.
What do you call a bomb that doesn't explode, but lands on a cow? A milk dud.
Anytime the topic of movies comes up...
Me: "Oh, what's that movie about?"
Dad: "I'd say its about 2 hours."
This happens ANYTIME SOMETHING REPEATS
Anytime anyone complains about some kind of pain.
Whenever anyone says that some part of their body is hurting:
Dad: "Well does your face hurt?"
Other: "No."
Dad: "Well it's killin me!"
Anytime I ever injured myself as a kid
Me: I fell earlier, my leg hurts.
Dad: But does your face hurt?
Me: No...
Dad: Well it's killing me!!! HAHAHA
Anytime he's banging on the door...
Me: JESUS! I'm coming!
Dad: No, no, it's just Dad
Anytime we left the house when we were little...
"Daddy where are we going?"
"To hell if we don't change our ways."
Anytime someone says "Great minds think alike" to my dad he says...
My dad used to say this to me anytime I'd do well in school:
"Looks like you're a pretty fart smeller... er, smart feller." Oh, dad.
I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!
But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.
I know a guy addicted to brake fluid, he said he can stop anytime
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