Did you know that Optimus Prime will turn into a monkey anytime he eats food?

Because Prime ate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobzilla
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
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I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!

But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snidawgg
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
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What do you call a table whose design can be changed at anytime?

Editable.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleBennett
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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How do you let your Native American friend know he's welcome anytime?

You Cherokee

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SecretButtCrack
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
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Essentially, anytime a new toilet is christened you are "Going where no man has gone before."
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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I told my bowmen that I would pay anytime they need to get some practice in at the course.

They’re free range archers now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blg111222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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I saw a restaurant that had a sign up saying β€œBreakfast anytime”

So I ordered French toast during the renaissance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A friend of mine always carries around a scale with him no matter where he goes. Anytime he meets a new person named William he throws them right on the scale. So one day I finally asked, "why do you keep doing this?" He replied.

"because where there's a Will there's a weigh."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DanGlerrBOY89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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Despite a grave outlook on the economy and a dying customer base, one industry for sure won't be going under anytime soon:

Death care.

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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She probably won't meat up with him anytime soon
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mathematical_Pie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
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Looks like it won't stop anytime soon..
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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Anytime I eat mushrooms

I turn into a fungi

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shadynasty94
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Anytime I tell a terrible joke to my kids, I walk away from them and yell it from across the room.

If they groan, I say, β€œI think I took this joke too far.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Looks like it isn't gonna stop anytime soon..
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LogangYeddu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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I say this anytime someone says, β€œThat cracks me up!”

β€œGood thing you’re not an egg!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cactiscandy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Anytime someone hurts their knee try these:

Ask where it hurts and then say "oh so you hurt your High-knee" if it's the top of the knee, or "oh you hurt your Below-knee" if it's lower. My dumbest but favorite joke I've come up with.

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πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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I have a friend who is addicted to brake fluid, but it’s not a problem because he can stop anytime
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madsmand
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
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Anytime anyone asks me how do I feel I reply...

With my hands

This was my grandfather’s favorite joke

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πŸ‘€︎ u/broadwayindie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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*Anytime someone says the word β€œintense”

Just like camping.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thundermifflan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
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Anytime I do something smart, My dad says...

β€˜Wow, you’re a 'Fart Smella'…I mean SMART FELLA!’ Me: WHAT??!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Syeq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2016
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anytime we are within 3 feet of his pegboard of tools in the garage, my Dad drops this on me.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doc-spaceman
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2013
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Anytime someone has to say, "excuse me," to my father.

"You're excused."

I started using it myself and you get a mix of reactions. Usually a short chuckle. So short I'd probably call it a chuck.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigbertha42
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2014
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Anytime we meet new people and my mums not about.

My wife’s gone to the Caribbean.

Oh, Jamaica?

No, she went of her own accord.

He does it mainly with other dads. Who all seem to be in on it and ALWAYS ask "Jamaica"as opposed to another Caribbean island! It's like a world wide conspiracy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnArcticMonkey
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
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Literally anytime anyone says it.

"I'll be back." "Ok, I'll be front."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/one00percents
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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My dad, anytime a firetruck speeds past imgur.com/nLLX1l4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/murrdy2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2013
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Anytime and every time we see a boat at the seaside, lake, river etc...

"I can see a boat, canoe?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hakunamatattas
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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My friends dad would say this to him anytime he did something stupid...

"you're as sharp as a marble."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nyrangers22294
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2014
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Anytime someone is getting married.

DAD: Make sure you treat her right. I really screwed things up with my first wife.

PERSON: I didn't know you were married before Lily (his current wife).

DAD: I wasn't thats who i'm talking about.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WineEmDineEM
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2014
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Heres my favorite dad joke my dad tells anytime when we talk about milk.

What do you call a bomb that doesn't explode, but lands on a cow? A milk dud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smitee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2014
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Anytime the topic of movies comes up...

Me: "Oh, what's that movie about?" Dad: "I'd say its about 2 hours."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_Bang_Yetis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2013
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This happens ANYTIME SOMETHING REPEATS
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πŸ‘€︎ u/youlovebj
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2013
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Anytime anyone complains about some kind of pain.

Whenever anyone says that some part of their body is hurting: Dad: "Well does your face hurt?" Other: "No." Dad: "Well it's killin me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/downhilldman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2014
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Anytime I ever injured myself as a kid

Me: I fell earlier, my leg hurts.

Dad: But does your face hurt?

Me: No...

Dad: Well it's killing me!!! HAHAHA

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yourfriendkyle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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Anytime he's banging on the door...

Me: JESUS! I'm coming! Dad: No, no, it's just Dad

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theorangeelephant
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Anytime we left the house when we were little...

"Daddy where are we going?"

"To hell if we don't change our ways."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/auburn_drives
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2013
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Anytime someone says "Great minds think alike" to my dad he says...

"And so do ours!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flippflopp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2014
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My dad used to say this to me anytime I'd do well in school:

"Looks like you're a pretty fart smeller... er, smart feller." Oh, dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainNerdy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2013
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I can stop telling dad jokes anytime I want to!

But he really enjoys hearing them, so I don’t think I’ll quit just yet.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2019
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I know a guy addicted to brake fluid, he said he can stop anytime
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrilobiteTV
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
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