Anywhere Puns

my birthday would be 24/7

His depu-tee.

It was two tired.

I called it a band in hope.

I’m having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage ever since.

I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!

A meanderthal

Waitress: Ok, so you're paying cash tonight?

Dad: Did you just assume my tender?

Me: (groans)

It’s a mystery to me. I’m Clueless.

A magic car-pet.

All I saw were potholes.

I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”

I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."

To them, everything's a hop, skip, and a jump away.

Then I did the hokey pokey, and it turned my life around.

The word? Plagiarism.

They decided to Banh Mi for life.

He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"

I managed to get it but I had to pull a few strings...

Hey dad- could you call my phone?

Dad: Sure. What should I call it?

Who on earth calls their dog Anywhere?

Called Dairy Air.

I wanted to go as a Czech engine light.

"Uhp! Time to go to the dentist."

Her: I want to go to Las Vegas too!

Me: Is it better than Las Vegas one?

Choco-late

I walked into a Michaels store today and saw a sales sign that had fallen off its stand from one side.

The sales associate saw me looking at it and said, "If you were wondering, we are having a sideways sale!".

I couldn't resist. "Well, that explains why the prices had dropped by half! "

We knew what we did. It was marvelous.

So me and my dad were at a restaurant and the waitress came to take our order

Waitress: would you like a soup or salad? Dad: yes, I'm assuming that's bigger than a normal salad? Waitress: ... Dad: chuckles softly and sips water