TIL: The French snails are faster than snails found anywhere else in the world.
I told my suitcases we're not going anywhere for at least 6 months.
Now I'm stuck here dealing with all this emotional baggage.
Bounty Paper Towels has introduced a drone which will retrieve a TV remote from anywhere in your house...
It’s the “Clicker Picker Upper.”
My birthday is on July 24th, shame I was born in america. If I was born anywhere else....
my birthday would be 24/7
I can't find my cake anywhere.
I was so excited to eat it for Christmas but it was stollen.
Edit: tried to strengthen the Cake to Stollen connection.
Why didn't the bicycle want to go anywhere?
Gave my wife a dart and a map, "once this is over, I'll take you anywhere this lands"...
I guess we're going behind the fridge for two weeks!
I made the mistake of telling my suitcase that we won’t be going anywhere this year because of the pandemic.
I’m having to put up with a lot of emotional baggage ever since.
I made a band and I knew it wouldnt go anywhere
I called it a band in hope.
This is why I can't take my dad out anywhere
Waitress: Ok, so you're paying cash tonight?
Dad: Did you just assume my tender?
Me: (groans)
What do you call a cave man who takes forever to get anywhere?
I can’t find that board game anywhere.
It’s a mystery to me. I’m Clueless.
So I can legit ride a unicycle. My mom told me it was a waste of time and would never get me anywhere in life....
I said “no mom! Where there’s a wheel, there’s a way!”
If you give it snacks it can take you anywhere.
I tried to bury some old cookware but I couldn't find a spot anywhere to put my pans.
Wife asked me why i don't take her anywhere.
I answered: "What's the point, you always come back."
Rabbits can go anywhere they want to really fast!
To them, everything's a hop, skip, and a jump away.
Living anywhere in Oklahoma is always OK
I was depressed and my life wasn't going anywhere
Then I did the hokey pokey, and it turned my life around.
Hey, everyone! I invented a new word, it's completely original, I've never heard it being used anywhere.
I am not allowed anywhere near the Vietnamese restaurant in my town.
They decided to Banh Mi for life.
I was trying to show my dad the advantages of storing his passwords in the cloud in order to never lost them and have access from anywhere when...
He looked at my with a smile in his face and say... "But what if it's sunny?"
My son really wanted that rare puppet but I couldn’t find it anywhere.
I managed to get it but I had to pull a few strings...
Damn. I can't find my phone anywhere...
Hey dad- could you call my phone?
Dad: Sure. What should I call it?
This man approached me in the park. He said, 'Have you seen my dog anywhere?'
Who on earth calls their dog Anywhere?
Family asked me to find the christmas tree to put up, looked around for it, couldn’t find that thing anywhere, its a MYSTREE
Texted my wife asking if she knew anywhere I could get Skoda parts for my Halloween costume.
I wanted to go as a Czech engine light.
My dad's reaction to whenever the time is 2:30 or anywhere near 2:30 for the last 24 years I've known him...
"Uhp! Time to go to the dentist."
Classic, applicable anywhere.
Her: I want to go to Las Vegas too!
Me: Is it better than Las Vegas one?
What candy can't get anywhere on time?
Dad jokes can be found anywhere
I walked into a Michaels store today and saw a sales sign that had fallen off its stand from one side.
The sales associate saw me looking at it and said, "If you were wondering, we are having a sideways sale!".
I couldn't resist. "Well, that explains why the prices had dropped by half! "
We knew what we did. It was marvelous.
I can't take him anywhere
So me and my dad were at a restaurant and the waitress came to take our order
Waitress: would you like a soup or salad?
Dad: yes, I'm assuming that's bigger than a normal salad?
Waitress: ...
Dad: chuckles softly and sips water
Living anywhere in Oklahoma is OK.
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