They gargoyle
Dairy tales.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
As I’m walking down the hall I notice that my girls have their light on and they should be in bed already. I poke my head in and ask why their light is on. They replied that they’re looking for something. I turned off the light and responded that they should be looking for the back of their eyelids!
"Once a pawn a time..."
Dad: "The one about the giant and the magic beans?"
Mom: "Yes."
Dad: "Whats wrong with 'Jackin the Beanstalk'?
Mom:"......."
“Yep, that’s all she wrote!”
Bach...
Me: (enormous, burly fart)
Her: My god, that sounds like an animal!
Me: Yeah. It was a butt ox.
I said, "son, you're never going to amount to anything."
"An otter one!"
My wife was changing our 7-week-old’s clothes before bed and she picked up a footless sleeper onesie.
Wife: “Who bought this for us? I don’t even know why they make them like this.” Me: “Yeah, and I can’t believe they could even find one in the stores. That’s no small feet!”
I'll call her my Goodnight mare.
It has a lot of mellow tonin’.
“Ok, but after that, no more. Remember: we live in a two-storey house.”
My dad used to tell me this one all the time when I was a kid.
- Knock Knock
- Who's there?
- Goat
- Goat who?
- Go To Sleep
"It was solid mahogany, with memory foam and I had just worked 12 hours and.."
SON " WRONG TYPE OF BEDTIME STORY DAD!"
He was charged with resisting a rest.
Pony tale.
The whine cellar
Kiddo : Enters stage left.
Dad : "What are you still doing awake? Go to bed."
Kiddo : "But I feel like there's something I need but I don't know what it is."
Dad : "There is something you need that you're not getting right now."
Kiddo : "What's that?"
Dad : "Sleep. Go to bed."
Kiddo : Exits stage right, sardonic expression that simply says "Dad, am not amused."He drowned in his teepee.
Thanks Dad.
I asked him to grab the lights.
He asked, once I grab them where would you like me to take them to?
Dairy tales!
Dairy tales.
