5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
I grilled a chicken for two hours.
It still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road...
What did the computer say to the other after a 16 hour car ride?
"Damn that was a hard drive."
The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes.
And it was performed by the child sitting behind me on Delta flight 963 from LA to Tokyo
My dog drives me crazy. Instead of barking he just yells “it’s one o’clock”, “it’s 2 o’clock”, “it’s 3 o’clock” every hour all day.
My neighbor is stalking me by looking me up on Google and checking my social media every hour
I saw it through my telescope last night
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...
The bartender told me they are about to start Happy Hour
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
My Wife is an Hour Late to Meet me at the Gym
I don't think we're going to workout afterall.
I got ten voicemails from Jamaica in the span of an hour. Each message was a separate Bob Marley song.
Some was obviously jammin my phone.
Hit this and you ain't rushin' for hours.
What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?
My wife and I had a 2 hour argument last night because I "have no sense of direction"
So I packed all my stuff and right.
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?
This was a very irrational decision
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
It snowed 8" last night - took me an hour to shovel the driveway.
Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
been an hour, either blew her Sock-rates off or id better Apollo-gize
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
If I don't let my son play Call of Duty he screams for hours.
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
My son asked me, “Because of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”
Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.
Where's the most patriotic place at rush hour?
After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can
How do you keep a dolt in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll let you know tomorrow
I did a puzzle in an hour
And it said it was supposed to take 3-4 years on the box
I toiled for hours trying to come up with a good joke about airplanes.
In the end, I felt like the punchline would just go over everybody's head.
"Where the heck have you been for the last 2 hours?"
"I went to have my hair cut."
"But ! You're on company time."
"Well, my hair grows on company time."
So scientists says that students need to sleep 8 - 10 hours
I just spent 3 hours vacuum up spiders in the basement
And this ungrateful woman has the nerve to tell me “that’s not what I meant when I said I want you to clean out my cobwebs”
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
I grilled a chicken for two hours last night.
Still wouldn't tell me why it crossed the road.
I grilled a chicken for 2 hours
It still wouldn’t tell me why it crossed the road
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
I was watching the rotation of the Earth, but I got bored after 24 hours.
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours
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