5 hour pun battle with my dad over text
I just spent three hours chasing all the water fowl out of my yard...
Her: I’m leaving. I am sick of you wearing a different t shirt every half an hour.
My mechanic is 87 years old and he still works 40 hours a week.
Whenever he says "I'm ready to retire," his boss puts him right back to work on another car.
Hit this and you ain't rushin' for hours.
What did God do after he created a 24 hour period of alternating light and darkness?
My wife and I had a 2 hour argument last night because I "have no sense of direction"
So I packed all my stuff and right.
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?
This was a very irrational decision
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
Amazon has started a new service where they deliver custom made shirts within 48 hours.
It’s called Tailor Swift.
My boyfriend told me he already turned the clocks forward an hour in the kitchen. I told him he is a man ahead of his time.
been an hour, either blew her Sock-rates off or id better Apollo-gize
It snowed 8" last night - took me an hour to shovel the driveway.
Astronomers got tired watching the moon go around the earth for 24 hours.
They decided to call it a day.
If I don't let my son play Call of Duty he screams for hours.
So I let him play and he screams for hours.
Why did it take dad an hour to choose which skin cream to buy?
He didn't want to make a rash decision.
My son asked me, “Because of the pandemic, I’m on the computer 12 hours a day. Is that bad?”
Me: That can’t be comfortable. Try a chair instead.
How do you keep a dolt in suspense for 24 hours?
I'll let you know tomorrow
After hours of trying, I finally got the lid off a can
I did a puzzle in an hour
And it said it was supposed to take 3-4 years on the box
I toiled for hours trying to come up with a good joke about airplanes.
In the end, I felt like the punchline would just go over everybody's head.
"Where the heck have you been for the last 2 hours?"
"I went to have my hair cut."
"But ! You're on company time."
"Well, my hair grows on company time."
I just spent 3 hours vacuum up spiders in the basement
And this ungrateful woman has the nerve to tell me “that’s not what I meant when I said I want you to clean out my cobwebs”
So scientists says that students need to sleep 8 - 10 hours
My friend found a deer stuck in a fence. It took him 3 hours, but he was able to rescue it.
He’ll do anything for a buck.
The skipper of a 40 ton trawler which ran aground in Hull during the early hours of Sunday was reported to be 6 times over the legal limit for sailing. Authorities said they had no idea what to do with a drunken sailor early in the morning.
The longest I've ever made love for is 1 hour, 2 minutes and 32 seconds...
... I love it when the clocks go forward!
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
My friend starts vomiting after we played for hours
The game we played was hide and sick.
My lactose intolerant friend had some cheese at the beginning of our eight hour road trip today...
My friend opened a tea store. He told me that every time he stocks the bottled tea products, they sell out within hours...
Business has been Brisk, baby!
In a field with lots of sheep and lambs roaming around, a giant wolf appeared and swallowed whole a baby lamb. The lamb whined and yelped nonstop for hours on end. After a while the wolf started getting sick, and yet the lamb yelped and whined ever louder.
Finally the wolf died and the baby lamb walked out of the wolf and rejoined it’s momma in the flock of sheep. Turns out the wolf died of internal bleating.
All credit goes to my coworker.
You could say I have an hour glass figure
It takes me an hour to figure out where my glasses are!
I listened to Queen albums for 12 hours in a row, and now I feel a little sick.
It must be the high Mercury content.
I've been listening to Pink Floyd for an hour.
I think I'll skip to track 2 now.
An hour before 5 in the morning is the best time to cook a sweet potato.
I taught my kid to speed read today. He read Harry Potter and the Philosophers Stone in 3 hours!
I know its only 6 words.. but its a start!
If my toddler misbehaves I sentence him to an hour in the
A man was enjoying his burger when someone broke the news to him that it was made out of 'Horse Meat'. Suddenly he went into a fit and started choking. Two hours upon rushing him to the hospital........
.......His condition is now known to be 'Stable'
I once sat next to a baby on a 10 hour flight. I had no idea that it was possible for someone to cry for 10 hours straight.
Even the baby was impressed.
I have a feeling thistle be going on for hours...
Scientists became so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours
I was watching the rotation of the Earth, but I got bored after 24 hours.
What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
Scientists got bored after watching the Earth turn after 24 hours
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