My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your employee complains about his constipation?

A poor workman blames his stools.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deegantmistry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!

He asked if I wanted decking... Lucky I got the first punch in

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
A disgruntled Google Cloud employee asked me for advice on how he could get back at his boss. I told him...

"Don't forget to tip your server."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
A joke I thought of in elementary school: what did the dragon say to the bad employee?

You're fired.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.

Her job performance was de-creasing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Why was the bullet a bad employee?

It only did its job after it was fired.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vaporjo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.

"No thanks, just looking around."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today

he was outstanding in the field

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oSocialPeanut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?

Transfer them to a different branch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 '19
🚨︎ report
I found this Arhaus employee tag yesterday... In the middle of the street imgur.com/DZvBeYe
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trigunnerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Damn girl, is your posterior an analogy for a disgruntled employee that refuses to leave the premises after being asked to voluntarily terminate?

Because your ass just won't quit.

EDIT: you clicked knowing what the punchline was going to be... so that's on you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mango__reinhardt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
The Costco employee said "I'm sorry Sir, we're rationing.

[Looking over cart full of TP]

Me: "Nice to meet you Rationing, I'm Hoarding"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee β€œDo you have any books by Shakespeare?”

Employee: Of course sir. Which one?

Me: William.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 '19
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?

She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHollowed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 '19
🚨︎ report
Me to home Depot employee: I want to see your grills

Home Depot employee who happens to be Nelly who has fallen on hard times: you want to see my what?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Why did the egg farmer have to fire his funniest employee?

He cracked too many yolks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
Starbucks employee: And your name?

Me: Way- without an F Employee: There’s no F in Way! Me: Yes way, that is my name

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nighthawk3883
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?

Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkbow85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 '19
🚨︎ report
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspokeycat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 '19
🚨︎ report
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

β€œNo, sir," he replied. "They're dead.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 '19
🚨︎ report
An employee told me a store was closing because of short staff.

I told them they should hire people above 6 foot

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KataKing08
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 '19
🚨︎ report
Since I became manager of a helium factory, my employee speak very highly of me.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 '19
🚨︎ report
What's a Boeing employee's favorite time of day?

7:47

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinUSC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 '19
🚨︎ report
My employee asked me what does it take to be a star performer..

Me: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phs_uw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 '19
🚨︎ report
My boss said he'd fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justcallmemuffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 '19
🚨︎ report
"Uh yeah I'm walking around your store barefoot and creating a hygiene problem, Mr.foot locker employee."

So shoe me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 '19
🚨︎ report
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said Da, award

I proceeded to walk into the door of the ward she'd won

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 '19
🚨︎ report
McDonald’s employee: β€œsir, please get down from the table”

Me: NO! pouring fries all over the floor I asked for TWO LARGE FRIES and you gave me hundreds of little ones”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 '19
🚨︎ report
I went to the bookstore and asked an employee, β€œDo you have anything by Shakespeare?”

He said, β€œOf course. Which one?”

Me: β€œWilliam.”

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 '19
🚨︎ report
My weird boss has assigned designated bathroom times for each employee, and now it’s my turn.

I don’t need this shit.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 '19
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow got the employee of the month?

Because he was outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerNexus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 '19
🚨︎ report
My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 298
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16 '18
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what happened to that Department of Defense employee?

He's pentagone

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/graafslaaf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 '19
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican Ford employee take Adderal?

So he could focus on his siesta.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Natch42
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 '19
🚨︎ report
What did the McDonald’s customer say to the employee when they forgot pickles on his burger?

I don’t know how you guys can forget pickles, they are kinda a big dill.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Robbi1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 '19
🚨︎ report
What happened to the Frito-Lay employee whose coworker got unfairly promoted?

He ended up getting a chip on his shoulder

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/36chambersoffun
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 '19
🚨︎ report
I always say the same thing when I hire a new employee.

Works for me!

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 '18
🚨︎ report
What do you call a woman Postal Service employee?

Femailman

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cyphr0st
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 '18
🚨︎ report
Why did the balloon factory worker fire their employee?

Because he kept letting them down...

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Biiig_AL
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 '19
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the sea world employee who was satisfied with her job?

She really served a porpoise.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skydaddy_music
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 '18
🚨︎ report
A zoo employee was injured when a monkey threw flaming poo at him.

He suffered from turd debris burns.

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 '18
🚨︎ report
Fired an employee for going on vacation to Hawaii without permission

We don't take kindly to beach of contract

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NLdave
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 '19
🚨︎ report
Just got hired and I'm already *that* employee

Me: (assembling boxes) i'll watch out for that plant.

Boss: yes please do, i've had that fern since it was just a sprout.

Me: awww. they grow up so fast.

Boss: yes. it'll probably start going to college soon.

Me: think it'll go to an... ivy league?

Boss: ...

Me: ...

Boss: ...

Me: ...so yeah I'll just pack these boxes and watch out for the plant.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/winnersbitch
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 '14
🚨︎ report
Employee: I'm going to take lunch

Dad: Don't take it too far. I want some too.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wequiwa
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 '18
🚨︎ report
Hooters employee wins a brand new Toyota imgur.com/nt879Ak
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 '18
🚨︎ report
How does a sperm-bank employee great his customers?

β€œGo fuck yourselfβ€œ

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SaniPeter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 '18
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow get employee of the month?

Because he was outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarrotJuiceBoy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 '18
🚨︎ report
A Pepsi employee was recently fired...

he tested positive for Coke.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RCrown2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 '17
🚨︎ report
A banana farmer loses an employee

A banana farmer arrives on his farm in the early morning and notices that he is missing a banana picker. He asks the other pickers where she is today. They tell him "Chiquita"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Str8butboysrsexy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 '18
🚨︎ report
What did the employee say to the man who was picking between sunglasses and prescription glasses.

Your choice is clear

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TimeWar2112
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 '18
🚨︎ report
a Reddit employee was asked what he thought of r/DadJokes

He said, "No Comments"

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenChillson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 '17
🚨︎ report
Why did the farmer get the employee of the month award?

Because he was out-standing in his field!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PhatAzzCracka
πŸ“…︎ May 12 '18
🚨︎ report
What did the employee say to his boss when asked to remove his tattoos?

I can't, I'm too attached to them!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HowWouldYouKillMe
πŸ“…︎ May 07 '18
🚨︎ report
What kind of cake did the Japanese employer give to her employee as gratitude for her work at her company?

An ari-gateau.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePurpleArrow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 '17
🚨︎ report
Tonight I was at work and told a fellow employee I had to hurry and run straight to my next job from here.

He turned to me and asked, "wouldn't driving there be quicker?"

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weenus_tickler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 '18
🚨︎ report
TIL A Ben and Jerry's employee fell into the chocolate coating vat last year

The company held a press conference to announce he's been completely covered.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fileobrother
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 '18
🚨︎ report
An employee at the insane asylum caught a patient trying to escape...

...He busted a nut.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadedBread
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 '17
🚨︎ report
RoosterTeeth employee doesn't miss a beat youtube.com/watch?v=Y_UmT…
πŸ‘︎ 74
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zap717
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 '14
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the stadium employee that got caught stealing equipment?

I guess the "Batman" was "Robin."

πŸ‘︎ 202
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πŸ‘€︎ u/netfilx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 '13
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the morgue employee who got cremated?

He fell asleep on the clock and got fired.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Justicarnage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 '17
🚨︎ report
McDonald's till employee vs dad.

Just got home from a trip to McDonalds with my dad. The till worker's name tag was ivonna.

My dad catches on quickly with a big grin oh his face.

"Ivonna bacon swiss melt". ..........

Really?

πŸ‘︎ 80
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imsquishie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 '14
🚨︎ report
Why did the employee quit his job at the sandpaper factory?

It was rough.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 '16
🚨︎ report
My employee got me good the other day.

I am a manager at a place that sells frozen treats. At work one day a team member was knocking frozen fruit in to a box, he had to hit it pretty hard to get it out. So I told him "show that fruit who's boss" after this stopped leaned in to the fruit to say "hey fruit" then pointed at me "thats the boss". Quite a proud moment for me.

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 '14
🚨︎ report
My best employee is a Chinese guy.

He's always China do his best.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 '16
🚨︎ report
The grocery store employee was not amused.

I was at a warehouse store yesterday and turned down an aisle to see two employees standing over a spilled gallon of pancake syrup.

"Boy, that looks like a sticky situation"

Neither employee laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Goes_Crazy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 '15
🚨︎ report
Why would MC Hammer be a good employee at a museum?

Don't touch that!

One of my dads.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kenmccamman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 '13
🚨︎ report
The Home Depot employee and I had a good laugh girlfriend did not.

We are re-staining the banister in our house to match our new floors. So my girlfriend asked what the process is. The employee starts going on how we need to first use stripper to remove the paint. My girlfriend asked how much are strippers. I quickly responded well it depends on how nice, what time of day and where you go to get your stripper. Everyone had a good laugh my girlfriend was not amused.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingersluck
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 '14
🚨︎ report
We have a new employee working remotely

Boss: I'm going to put Tom's cell phone up on the whiteboard.

Me: I don't think he'd like that, maybe you should just put his number

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bnicoletti82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 '15
🚨︎ report
Never have a romantic relationship with a fellow employee

You two just won't work.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Auximoron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 '15
🚨︎ report
Got the new employee at the Doctor's Office

Her: You can't teach an old dog new tricks

Me: Good thing you're not a dog

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DickNixon726
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 '16
🚨︎ report
Wawa employee didn't get it.

Getting a sub from Wawa, and the girl who wrapped the sub up didnt get the corner in so it was hanging out.

Her: Sorry for the bad wrap job.

Me:It's ok, I dont like hop-hop anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 '14
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked a Walgreens employee

To set the scene I am in a Walgreens, specifically the shampoo/body wash aisle.

Employee knocks a few bottles of shampoo on the floor

Employee: "Whoops, how clumsy of me."

Me: "At least the bottles aren't glass, that would have been a lot worse."

Employee: "Yeah, that's true."

Me: "Although if they were glass clean-up would've been pretty easy because there would be soap all over the floor."

Employee pity laughs

Best trip to Walgreens ever.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/americanWARRI0R
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 '14
🚨︎ report
Sandwich shop employee asked what kind of egg I want (without specifying white or with yolk)

"Chicken, please"

My family had to respond to her confused look, assuring her I was pulling her leg.

Note: not a dad yet, but I'm training to be one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JohnFoxpoint
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 '14
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my liquor store's employee

I got my hair cut the day before and I'm a regular at the liquor store next to my work so they know me pretty well.

I walked in and a girl who works there said "Oh, you cut your hair!"

"... No, someone else did!"

She sighed angrily and I giggled like a goddamn child.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ioftenfail
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 '14
🚨︎ report
Got an employee at a restaurant.

I was ordering my food and the employee at the register asked me, "will that be for here or to go?" I looked at him really confused and said, "uh no, I was planning on sitting over there, if that's alright."

No groans, he got a kick out of it and my friends sadly walked away before they could hear me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/korja78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 '14
🚨︎ report
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_sixdemonbag_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 '19
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 101
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 '19
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 '19
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 '19
🚨︎ report

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