Why did the bacteria use the employee entrance?

Because they were staph

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/randomisedmind
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a NASA employee that has never reached space?

An Astro-not.

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?

Boss: It's May

Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?

(I'll see myself out.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amar610
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A man attacked an employee at a Starbucks

The crime was considered a coffee mug.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews

Apparently it was a real hatchet job

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?

A Hacksaw.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch that it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Pizza Hut employee: β€œWould you like a contactless delivery?

Yes, I’d prefer they wear glasses.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shaw-Deez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?

Lettuce wow you!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wormholewanderer1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My Italian employee is useless at labelling products

I told him plenty of times to tag a telly but he kept rushing off to the pasta aisle

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eormada
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!

He asked if I wanted decking... Lucky I got the first punch in

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Micktheprivz
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you say when your employee complains about his constipation?

A poor workman blames his stools.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deegantmistry
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"

One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?

Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Darkbow85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I found this Arhaus employee tag yesterday... In the middle of the street imgur.com/DZvBeYe
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trigunnerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the bullet a bad employee?

It only did its job after it was fired.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaporjo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A disgruntled Google Cloud employee asked me for advice on how he could get back at his boss. I told him...

"Don't forget to tip your server."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-taco-rice-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hot apple employee?

Icandy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
A joke I thought of in elementary school: what did the dragon say to the bad employee?

You're fired.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahare
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.

"No thanks, just looking around."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notagoodspelller
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
πŸ‘︎ 333
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspokeycat
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today

he was outstanding in the field

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oSocialPeanut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.

Her job performance was de-creasing.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee β€œDo you have any books by Shakespeare?”

Employee: Of course sir. Which one?

Me: William.

πŸ‘︎ 75
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?

She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrHollowed
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?

Transfer them to a different branch

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearnakedgamer
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Me to home Depot employee: I want to see your grills

Home Depot employee who happens to be Nelly who has fallen on hard times: you want to see my what?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the egg farmer have to fire his funniest employee?

He cracked too many yolks.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The Costco employee said "I'm sorry Sir, we're rationing.

[Looking over cart full of TP]

Me: "Nice to meet you Rationing, I'm Hoarding"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

β€œNo, sir," he replied. "They're dead.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Since I became manager of a helium factory, my employee speak very highly of me.
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What's a Boeing employee's favorite time of day?

7:47

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinUSC
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss said he'd fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justcallmemuffin
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My employee asked me what does it take to be a star performer..

Me: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phs_uw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
"Uh yeah I'm walking around your store barefoot and creating a hygiene problem, Mr.foot locker employee."

So shoe me!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 295
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said Da, award

I proceeded to walk into the door of the ward she'd won

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperDave-1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
McDonald’s employee: β€œsir, please get down from the table”

Me: NO! pouring fries all over the floor I asked for TWO LARGE FRIES and you gave me hundreds of little ones”

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to the bookstore and asked an employee, β€œDo you have anything by Shakespeare?”

He said, β€œOf course. Which one?”

Me: β€œWilliam.”

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the scarecrow got the employee of the month?

Because he was outstanding in his field

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GunnerNexus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 160
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch, it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_sixdemonbag_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 214
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.

I have a hunch it might be me.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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