Why did the bacteria use the employee entrance?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
What do you call a NASA employee that has never reached space?
π︎ 108
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︎ Dec 07 2020
Employee: Boss, can I have a week off for Christmas?
Boss: It's May
Employee: Boss, may I have a week off for Christmas?
(I'll see myself out.)
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
A man attacked an employee at a Starbucks
The crime was considered a coffee mug.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews
Apparently it was a real hatchet job
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 27 2020
What did the hardware store employee use to steal personal information?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch that it might be me.
π︎ 87
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
Pizza Hut employee: βWould you like a contactless delivery?
Yes, Iβd prefer they wear glasses.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 23 2020
What did the produce employee say to the customer as they walked in?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
My Italian employee is useless at labelling products
I told him plenty of times to tag a telly but he kept rushing off to the pasta aisle
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 26 2020
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture
I have a hunch, it might be me.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Sep 08 2019
I got into a fight with an employee at my local hardware store today!
He asked if I wanted decking...
Lucky I got the first punch in
π︎ 18
π
︎ May 29 2020
What do you say when your employee complains about his constipation?
A poor workman blames his stools.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 06 2020
So I was out at the museum with my daughter today and got the ultimate dad joke in. Employee asks kids "Does anyone know the difference between a Crocodile and an Alligator?"
One will see you later and the other will see you in a while?
Daughter groaned, employee laughed, other dad's nodded approvingly.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Feb 11 2019
I found this Arhaus employee tag yesterday... In the middle of the street
imgur.com/DZvBeYe
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 31 2020
Why was the bullet a bad employee?
It only did its job after it was fired.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
A disgruntled Google Cloud employee asked me for advice on how he could get back at his boss. I told him...
"Don't forget to tip your server."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 09 2020
What do you call a hot apple employee?
π︎ 3
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︎ Jun 10 2020
A joke I thought of in elementary school: what did the dragon say to the bad employee?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 27 2020
A blind man walks into a store with his seeing eye dog, bends down as if to pet it, then picks it up by the tail and begins spinning it over his head. It created quite the ruckus, so an employee ran over and asked the man if he needed help.
"No thanks, just looking around."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 16 2020
When an Amazon employee takes maternity leave, are they out for delivery?
π︎ 333
π
︎ Aug 25 2019
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today
he was outstanding in the field
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
I had an employee at the hotel that ironed the bed sheets. I noticed that as the days wore on, the number of sheets ironed was going down.
Her job performance was de-creasing.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 14 2020
I walked into a bookstore and asked an employee βDo you have any books by Shakespeare?β
Employee: Of course sir. Which one?
Me: William.
π︎ 75
π
︎ Dec 28 2019
Why didn't the angry customer want to hear what the employee had to say?
She wasn't Karen about any opinion but her own.
π︎ 67
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
How do monkeys solve employee focus decline issues?
Transfer them to a different branch
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 01 2020
Me to home Depot employee: I want to see your grills
Home Depot employee who happens to be Nelly who has fallen on hard times: you want to see my what?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
Why did the egg farmer have to fire his funniest employee?
He cracked too many yolks.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
The Costco employee said "I'm sorry Sir, we're rationing.
[Looking over cart full of TP]
Me: "Nice to meet you Rationing, I'm Hoarding"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 13 2020
I was picking through the turkeys at the grocery store for Thanksgiving Day, but I couldn't find one big enough for my family. I turned to the employee and asked, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
βNo, sir," he replied. "They're dead.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Nov 28 2019
Since I became manager of a helium factory, my employee speak very highly of me.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 08 2019
What's a Boeing employee's favorite time of day?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 18 2019
My boss said he'd fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Aug 17 2019
My employee asked me what does it take to be a star performer..
Me: Mostly Hydrogen and Helium
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 03 2019
"Uh yeah I'm walking around your store barefoot and creating a hygiene problem, Mr.foot locker employee."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 24 2019
My boss said he is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 295
π
︎ May 16 2018
I met a Russian nurse, she was employee of the month, I asked if she'd won anything. She said Da, award
I proceeded to walk into the door of the ward she'd won
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 12 2019
McDonaldβs employee: βsir, please get down from the tableβ
Me: NO! pouring fries all over the floor I asked for TWO LARGE FRIES and you gave me hundreds of little onesβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 31 2019
I went to the bookstore and asked an employee, βDo you have anything by Shakespeare?β
He said, βOf course. Which one?β
Me: βWilliam.β
π︎ 36
π
︎ May 12 2019
Why did the scarecrow got the employee of the month?
Because he was outstanding in his field
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 09 2019
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 160
π
︎ Jun 10 2020
My boss is going to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch, it might be me.
π︎ 91
π
︎ Dec 20 2019
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 98
π
︎ Oct 21 2019
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 214
π
︎ Jun 12 2019
My boss is threatening to fire the employee with the worst posture.
I have a hunch it might be me.
π︎ 115
π
︎ Jan 03 2019
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