Buzzfeed
I suppose you could say the owners had a minor minor miner problem.
They scan the room and approach the table of an available recruitment officer. "Hello gentlemen, please have a seat and we can begin." The two men sit in the chairs and pull up to the table. "Now," says the recruitment officer, "hopefully we can find employment for both of you based on your prior work experience. We have a wide variety of jobs available. I'll ask you some questions and we can go from there." The two men nod eagerly in agreement. The officer turns to the first man. "Can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a pilot," the man replies. "Oh, that's great," the officer exclaims, "I already know that we are definitely looking for pilots!" He takes some notes and turns to the second man. "And can you tell me what you did for work before today?" "I'm a wood cutter," the man says in reply. "Oh, dear," the officer says, shaking his head. "I'm sorry, but we have don't have any positions like that. I'm afraid we can place your friend, but not you." "That's impossible!" the man sputters in disbelief. "I'm sorry, sir. There's nothing I can do." says the officer. "We aren't currently looking for any wood cutters." "But that's insane!" the man shouts in frustration. "If I don't cut the wood, how is he supposed to pile it?"
I spent a good portion of my youth rolling my eyes at my father's jokes. But deep down, I loved 'em. I have a great Dad. But I'm not really the best at saying "I love you". I was reading /r/dadjokes recently and I had an idea. I should turn my Dad's favorite joke into a t-shirt. Then, on Father's Day, I could video chat with him while I wear the shirt.
I think he would love the shit out of that, you know? Like, maybe he will think "Wow, my son gets it. He actually likes my humor!"
Then I thought, I could turn a bunch of these jokes into shirts. So I did. You can see them here:
http://www.funnyshirts.org/s/dadjokes
And then I thought, man, if I could get more people to do nothing else on Father's Day but to embrace their Dad's sense of humor... that would be pretty cool. It would make a lot of Dads happy.
So I wrote the Dad Joke Manifesto:
http://dadjokemanifesto.tumblr.com/themanifesto
You don't have to use t-shirts. Just make a good joke. Employ puns. Think about your Dad's style, his favorite joke, and embrace it.
If you can dig it, then join the movement. Send me your favorite Dad Jokes. Join us on:
If nothing else, follow along for some good dad jokes.
....working around the clock?
Me: No, but I can try Bohemian Rhapsody
So I chose Russian.
He seemed so happy to be working with cutting head technology.
Me: "I Excel at it."
Interviewer: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word".
At least I have a porpoise.
A freelancer.
To the I.C.U.
it seems that no employer will take a chance on me.
Australia got fired.
They just don't work
So now I have a bunch of new cow-workers
They could be employed to float aerial advertising banners, but they would likely be porcine carriers.
Life Goals:
Have a daughter
Name her 'Dearly'
Train her to be an accountant
Employ her at my business
Wrap up every transaction with: Now you'll pay Dearly for this.
EDIT: Spelling
The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts
The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running website for the store.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
You can make a car ear doing it
Coca Cola creator: Glass bottles are to expensive. We need something new and cheeper to produce. Employe of the month: I have an idea on something that CAN… giggles Coca Cola creator: THATS IT!!!!! We can sell them in plastic!!!!!
...does this make them...Guardians of the Galaxy?
:D
Hotter half shared that with me the other day. We're trying to build up our dad joke repertoire with a recently arrived bub.
EDIT: for removal of apostrophe
A roofer!
I hate to see someone Anne employed.
The first guy replies, “Oh, Willy?”
He was afraid of capitalism.
An ari-gateau.
I got weeded out.
but my employer gave me the axe.
Me: Because a good worker is hard to find.
They took our jabs!
I'm shelf employed.
I need a raze!!!
and they would be fighting Joseph Stallion and Franklin D. Roostervelt.
A man goes into a job interview, and presents himself well.
The employer is shocked at how professional he is, "Wow, you have an incredible resume, and present yourself fantastically, but you seem to be missing 5 years on this part of your resume. What happened there?"
The man replied, "Oh, that's when I went to Yale."
The employer is even more impressed. "That's great, you're hired!"
The man is super happy and says "Yay, I got a yob!"
I lost my employment, position, job... Will labor, toil, work for nutriment, provender, edibles.
Because I heard there's an opening.
How did Shakespeare learn all about his new employer?
During its onbarding process.
He was know as “The worst aero mechanic ever employed at Messerschmitt.”
I’m still employed I just can’t remember where
Sorry, but all I have is, I need ADOORable puns.
Thank you guys, keep it coming!
A dog sees a "Now hiring" poster outside of a computer store. The poster reads:
"Must be able to type. Must be able to program. And must be bilingual. We are an equal opportunity employer."
The dog takes the poster in his mouth, and walks in. The manager spots the dog, and decides to humour it, pulling up a chair and a computer with a word processor. "Alright, if you want to work here, you need to first write a letter," and leaves the room.
30 minutes later, he comes back in, and the dog has typed out a completely error-free letter.
"Well, I'll be. This is a smart dog. But can he program?" he asks himself.
20 minutes pass, and the dog has made a perfectly running "Hello, world" program.
He looks, shocked, at the dog, and finally speaks. "Look, I know you have the qualifications, but, well... you're a dog."
The dog nudges the words "We are an equal opportunity employer." on the poster, and the manager sighs.
"There's no way you're bilingual."
The dog looks him in the eyes, and says, "Meow."
