I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
Yet another job lost to machines
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I won’t be spoken to in that tone.
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
Why did the tire get fired from its job?
It couldn’t stand the pressure
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
I got a part time job kissing both women and men
It's not much but it's getting me bi
Just got out of a great interview with an amazing new job...
They told me they were looking for someone responsible! I told them this was perfect, whenever something went wrong at my old job they always said I was responsible.
Why was the cow fired from his job at the methane plant?
The boss was tired of his gaslighting bullshit
I got a job cleaning the building where the horses are kept.
It's not much but it's stable work.
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
Friend: “How’s your job at the travel agency?”
Me: “Terrible. I’m not going anywhere”
I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.
Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
A mailman starts his first day on the job in Amsterdam.
He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.
I made a robot that does my job for me
I always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...
Its just something I can see myself doing.
Why did the coffee loose its job?
[OC] What do you call a job that your butt does?
A duty. (My 6-yr-old made up this joke today)
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
Why did the Hitman love his job?
Because he made a Killing
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.
They even had a shift differential!
After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.
I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.
He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."
"And the hot dogs?" I asked
"Nitrates"
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
A man walks in to his job interview
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
I recently got a job as an elevator operator
It has its ups and downs.
I got fired from my job as a calendar manufacturer...
All I did was take a day off...
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?
A hair-do-well...
[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
What kind of cheese never does a job to the best of their ability?
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician
Making mirrors is a job i could see myself doing
In what case do bullets finally do their job?
When they’re fired.
finger guns
I got fired from my job at Dairy Queen
Because I refused to work on sundaes
I was rejected a job offer because I made a typo
I should really be carfeul the next time.
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?
He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job
i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
