I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker

But when I got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/piemamamer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Yet another job lost to machines
πŸ‘︎ 85
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlazeMrk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.

He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Effect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory

Gonna be their spokes person

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I just quit my job at the helium factory.

I won’t be spoken to in that tone.

πŸ‘︎ 230
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sandyatk445
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?

He got fired.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...

Will beheading there tomorrow.

πŸ‘︎ 113
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the tire get fired from its job?

It couldn’t stand the pressure

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a part time job kissing both women and men

It's not much but it's getting me bi

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Just got out of a great interview with an amazing new job...

They told me they were looking for someone responsible! I told them this was perfect, whenever something went wrong at my old job they always said I was responsible.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irsh94
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the cow fired from his job at the methane plant?

The boss was tired of his gaslighting bullshit

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/khy94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I got a job cleaning the building where the horses are kept.

It's not much but it's stable work.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day

A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Friend: β€œHow’s your job at the travel agency?”

Me: β€œTerrible. I’m not going anywhere”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.

Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romeo_rocks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
A mailman starts his first day on the job in Amsterdam.

He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorenboy2001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I made a robot that does my job for me

I doesn’t work

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MightyYapper930
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
I always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...

Its just something I can see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethereal_luv
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the coffee loose its job?

It was always latte

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
[OC] What do you call a job that your butt does?

A duty. (My 6-yr-old made up this joke today)

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jardiohead
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did the Hitman love his job?

Because he made a Killing

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MadManAlfie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
🚨︎ report
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.

They're to prevent meltdowns.

πŸ‘︎ 241
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the concrete plant.

My job was getting harder & harder.

πŸ‘︎ 232
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.

They even had a shift differential!

After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.

I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.

He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."

"And the hot dogs?" I asked

"Nitrates"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ServiceB4Self
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.

That shit was bananas.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks in to his job interview

The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"

The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."

The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"

The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardybrownie
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle

Now he works in web development.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/riversquid
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?

They forgot to show Up!

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutraliscool
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently got a job as an elevator operator

It has its ups and downs.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gagi11030
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job as a calendar manufacturer...

All I did was take a day off...

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?

A hair-do-well...

[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danieltkessler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.

The plumber told me.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.

πŸ‘︎ 130
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of cheese never does a job to the best of their ability?

Half-hearty cheese

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snipesma
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....

Beheading there shortly.

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pranavbrijwani
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician

She was shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yet-another-dad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Making mirrors is a job i could see myself doing
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kOnOmYr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
In what case do bullets finally do their job?

When they’re fired. finger guns

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hashup
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at Dairy Queen

Because I refused to work on sundaes

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was rejected a job offer because I made a typo

I should really be carfeul the next time.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 779
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?

He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LoudMouse327
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Turbulent-Use7253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the helium factory today.

I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice!

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/l1r2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance

So I pushed her over.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job

i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redcliff89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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