My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.

He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Effect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the concrete plant.

My job was getting harder & harder.

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inspire_me_please
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.

They're to prevent meltdowns.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job

i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/redcliff89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at Dairy Queen

Because I refused to work on sundaes

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?

Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.

πŸ‘︎ 131
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wileydan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....

Beheading there shortly.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician

She was shocked.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yet-another-dad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory

It's seasonal

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. β€œAll you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. β€œWhat did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

β€œYou herd me!"

πŸ‘︎ 785
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I started up a dating site for chickens, but it's not my main job, I'm just doing it…

…to make hens meet.

πŸ‘︎ 225
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I once had a job pressing soda cans.

It was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uravgharambe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How does a giraffe find a job?

Through neckworking.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/khalizziebeth
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
At a job interview I got asked to describe myself in a nutshell

I said it's so dark I can't breathe has anyone got a nut cracker I can't breathe

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
I just got fired from my job at the keyboard factory.

They told me I wasn't putting in enough shifts.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Donkey quit his job?

Hee Hawed enough!

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/90eight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
You always have to keep your job exciting.

Being a well driller, I often dream I could drill right to the center of the earth.

If I didn't have such a great imagination my job would be just boring.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leyline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a job crushing cans, and I hate it.

It's soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 181
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDogAlex
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the IRS.

It was just too taxing.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/masterjon_3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between an old bus station and a crab with a boob job?

Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VoltrenXytech
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I applied for a job at Amazon.

I told them I'll arrive for the interview between 9&5.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory

I’ll beheading there shortly

Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jk72788
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't think I'll ever find a stable job

To be honest I'm not too comfortable around horses.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/APunchToThePuss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the taxidriver say, when he lost his Will to do his Job?

Please end My Chauffeuring!

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the window inspector quit his job?

He felt too much pane.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pengwin34
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Hope that job doesn’t suck
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/groovemonkeyzero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are scarecrows so good at their jobs?

They’re outstanding in their field

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lorelei178
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I quit my elevator job

Had too many ups and downs

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oasishippie
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I cut lumber for a living, but I keep sleeping on the job.

As you can tell, I'm a slumberjack.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SegavsCapcom
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Found this today. With numbers like those she don't need an udder job
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ImLevisWindex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Getting interviewed for a job as a blacksmith: Interviewer: Do you have any experience shoeing a horse?

Me: No, but I once told a donkey to F off.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CameronC7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I got fired from my job at the calendar factory

All I did was take a day off

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Just been offered as a job a Noise Pollution officer .

But, I had to turn it down.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I once had a job pressing soda cans /r/teenagers/comments/kcb…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emoneycnzh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dandan_56
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A midget was in my office applying for a job. He humbly noted all the benefits of his stature regarding the job.

I still think he was selling himself short.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Virtual-Prime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why nursing is a woman's job?

Because men can't breastfeed.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just been offered a job as a human chess piece...

The money is good.

I'm on knights this week.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I conducted a study for Steve Jobs regarding the lack of evolution in his employees.

Those are Apple Bottom Genes.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I want a job just like in Inception.

It's my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/roshan_tiwari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?

Boss: You mist the boat.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I got promoted at my job and my new office is up in a tree house.

I am a branch manager.

πŸ‘︎ 156
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Get a job
πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Papa_G_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I got a job at the guillotine factory.

I'll beheading there shortly.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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