I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"

I told him "baguette"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BedHeadBread
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19
🚨︎ report
What do you call gas station clerk who's car runs out of gas?

I-run-E

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18
🚨︎ report
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 627
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
🚨︎ report
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...

so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpep0469
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09
🚨︎ report
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?

Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. I’ve got stuff to do today.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20
🚨︎ report
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.

I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
What did the indecisive man say to the mattress store clerk?

"I'm gonna have to sleep on it."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KStofz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09
🚨︎ report
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.

I said, β€œWell? 2B or not 2B?”

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...

It was in tenths.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeskies307
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?

They saw them through their teller-scopes.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron2571
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
Why did the grocery store clerk get fired?

He took a leek in the produce section!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VNPimpinella
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free

Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phish_tacos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.

I guess he went ham on that Swiss.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vapingpigeon94
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.

I told him he could just leave it in the carton.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fatherfinger420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,

"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"

πŸ‘︎ 402
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoTonJoe
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?

Because the clerk sold him shampoo.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikemikek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."

The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.

Worker: "Hard back?"

Me: "Yeah, with little heads."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...

She told me ”Dad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.” I’m so proud!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarynxm
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Store clerk: β€œSo, are you sure you want to purchase this pillow?”

β€œI think I’m going to sleep on it.”

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/akshaypbhat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the carwash clerk say to the robber

Don't rob me I can give you a clean getaway

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AFluffyOverlord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.

β€œMore bang for your buck.”

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoVeryKerry
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a new rear tire for my motorcycle today. As the clerk handed it to me, I looked him in the eye and said "guess I can retire now"
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."

Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eccohawk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Clerk: can I help you find anything?

Dad: I haven’t lost anything yet thanks.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kadishongh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?

It was a hostel work environment.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stereocup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the Bhuddist say to the Hotel Clerk when asked if he was checking out of his room?

"Namaste."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameHeadAche
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?

He loved Filing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DharyaXD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Easter candy joke on unsuspecting clerk.

I was checking out at the dollar with a Sprite, some chocolate Bunnie candies and cream eggs yesterday. As I approach the counter, the dude asks me if I found everything alright.

I pause for a moment, think about it, and say to him.

"So, I see you guys have the Easter candy out. Any idea on when you'll have in the Wester candy?"

The dude thought about it seriously for a second, then he got it. He looks dead at me as I'm sure I had the dumbest smile on my face, groans and starts laughing too.

πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XxBayouWolfxX
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2016
🚨︎ report
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"

I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_-Sponge-
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Department store clerk: If you need anything, my name is Gwen.

Me: What's your name otherwise?

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:

"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2017
🚨︎ report
A shopper walked into the Wegmans and asked where they could find the raisins. The clerk said:

β€œwhere the grapes used to be.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/carottina
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.

There was no cents to that.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sum_buddy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
🚨︎ report
a clerk just asked me if i needed help at a vision care center.

I told her I was just looking. :)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaygoodfella
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
🚨︎ report
I made a service clerk walk away.

There is a CVS about a 5 minute walk from my house that I like to get my convenience shopping done at with these auto-checkout kiosks that always lock up. I scanned my drinks and like clockwork the machine started beeping that somebody would be available to assist me shortly; the machine had locked up. A young girl scans her ID to bring it back to functionality and asks if I needed any further assistance.

I pointed to my reflection in the window and said "No thanks, I'm going to finish checking myself out and be on my way" and flexed a bit

It took her a second, but once the guy in the photo department started cracking up she got it. I laughed all the way home.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nemesis0320
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
🚨︎ report
Got the gas station clerk today

I put my goods on the counter and he rings them up. He proceeds to tell me that the total is seven eleven ($7.11). I look at him sternly and reply, "no, this is Chevron". He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaliKingHockey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
🚨︎ report
Grocery clerk asked if I wanted my milk in a bag...

I told her "no, in the carton is fine".

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jengofitzpatrick
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2016
🚨︎ report
Gas station clerk got me today...

Me: Can I put 10 bucks on 2. Clerk: Stapler or Duct tape Me:huh? Clerk: I personally think the stapler helps keep the bills on the machine better.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tsmit84
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2015
🚨︎ report
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.

(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeliefInAll
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2015
🚨︎ report
Accidentally got myself and a store clerk.

So this morning on my way to work I stopped at a Walgreens to grab some snacks and drinks. (For those unknowing, it's a pharmacy/grocery) I recently quit smoking and found the snacking helps on cravings.

Anyhow, the clerk rings me up and says my total: "$7.11." Without even thinking it I blurt out "It's not a seven-eleven. It's a Walgreens."

Suddenly terrified that I am apparently a dad, I grabbed my stuff and left, the haunting echoes of laughter behind me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheG-What
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2014
🚨︎ report
I dad joked the deli clerk

#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frogawie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2014
🚨︎ report
AutoZone clerk must be a dad.

I went into AutoZone today and told them I needed a new running light. The clerk asked me: "How fast would you like it to run?"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JackBmann
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2013
🚨︎ report
My dad, every time a sales clerk asks, "Can I help you?"

He gives them a crazy-eyed look and says, "No, I'm beyond help."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/guerre-eclair
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2013
🚨︎ report

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