I was buying the wife some underwear, I asked the shop assistant;

β€œAre these knickers satin?" "No” she said, β€œThey’re brand new...”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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I asked the shop assistant where the Terminator action figures were.

She said "Aisle B, back".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2020
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Paul's an assistant at a butcher shop . He's 6 foot tall and wears a size 9 shoe . What does he weight ?

Meat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Messicanhero
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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"Excuse me, what's the expiry date on this?" I asked the shop assistant.

"Sir," he said, "that's a calendar."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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I was in a shop talking to an assistant. I said, "I want some stuff for my kitchen, you know..."

"Kitchenware?" she asked.

I said, "In my house, of course."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
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I walked into a furniture shop. I said to the assistant, "That leather seat over there...I've been sent in by my wife to buy it for her."

He said, "Ah, I've got one those at home."

I said, "Well, she can't be as bossy as mine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2018
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I went to a cake shop and told the assistant that I wanted to design a cake for my wife.

"What would she like on top of that?" asked the assistant.

I said, "Probably some money and for me to do the cleaning."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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I went into the local card shop and asked the assistant whether they did bereavement cards..

.. she said β€œyes of course”, β€œgreat!” I said, β€œcan I exchange this β€˜get well soon’ card for a bereavement card?”

(My Dad just laid this one on me)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EasyTigrr
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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The shop assistant just groaned...

My girlfriend wnted a new watch so we went to the local shopping centre to go to the Fossil shop. It was shut due to a power outage. Go back the next day and they're open; a quick chat with the shop assistant and she says the problem still isn't fixed and they're using generators to try and get through the day.

I couldn't help myself and say "I guess that means you're running on Fossil Fuel then?"

It didn't go down very well.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hiro51
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2014
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[Request] Can anyone please help me come up with a business name that is a Bob's Burgers-level pun?

The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.

But I am So. Stuck.

A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...

I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.

Thank you in advance! πŸ”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmElleGee31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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I went to the computer shop and told them our family computer has an internal part that has stopped working

The shop assistant said, "Motherboard?"

I said, "Yeah, she can't do online shopping anymore"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryTheKnight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
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Before you criticize a man

You should walk a mile in his shoes.

That way you'll be a mile away and he'll have no shoes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/guest8272
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
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True dad encounter at the shops

Shop assistant: "sir do you have a smaller bill?" Dad: "no but you can rip that one in half..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mtb_21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
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Waited sooo long do do this..

I know this is probably old but I've waited years to do this...

Went to computer shop to buy a network cable and the assistant (female) asked how long I wanted it....

I want to keep it! I said.

Jeez, if looks could kill, my head would have exploded there and then.

Totally worth it though.. :-)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekanate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2016
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Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, is taking a stroll down his local high street. As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye. "Just Released - New LP - Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"

Unable to resist the temptation, Brian goes into the shop. "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make. I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."

"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps, goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.

Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces, "I am the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognized none of those."

"I'm sorry Sir," says the young assistant. "If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."

Brian, the world's leading expert on European wasps and the sounds they make, steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones. Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head. "I don't understand it," he says, "I am the worlds leading expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"

"I really am terribly sorry," says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mykeuk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2018
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Dad joke at the electronics store

While I was at the electronics store today, this happened:

Shop assistant drops a bunch of price signs, and exclaims "The prices are falling!"

I imagine the man must be a glorious husband and father.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hanse00
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2015
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So this tailor goes to the bag maker with a problem...

That night somebody had broken into his shop and stolen a few very expensive suits, and he wanted the person responsible arrested.

He approached the counter, where the owner of the workshop stood.

 

"Hi!" she said. "I'm Emmy, how can I help you today?"

 

"Well, I have this problem, and I saw online that you could help me for cheap." he responded.

"My shop was robbed of some of my most expensive suits tonight, and I want your help catching the perpetrator."

 

"That's awful, but I am confused as to how I would be of assistance?" she said.

The tailor was silent for a second, noticeably confused.

Before he had a chance to respond she asked,

"What did you see on our website?"

 

"Well I didn't actually see it on your website, there was actually this ad that intrigued me. It had big bold letters and read:

For a limited time only, click the link to find the cheapest and best deals!!! Emmy's Suit cases - Now 50% off!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sai1r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
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Making the best of senior prom

As I'm sure many of you can remember (or not), senior prom was one of the most exciting events of our pre-real world existence. However, in order to get to the actual event, there were three significant steps that needed to be taken care of:

  1. Sober up enough before actually getting to the venue
  2. Find a date who wasn't even weirder than you were
  3. Rent a tuxedo This last part posed quite a bit of a problem to me, mostly because tuxedos can be very expensive to come by. Luckily enough for me, a local formalwear shop had a great deal going on; they would give you massive discounts and even hefty prizes for referring as many of your friends as possible to their business. Eager as I was to save a few bucks, I proceeded to text everyone in my phone's contact list. Almost every one of them neglected to respond to my pitiful pleas of financial assistance, not wanting to get caught up in this scam that I myself had meandered into. Finally, my token black friend, Malik, unwillingly took my bait. He tentatively responded, asking more about what he could get out of the deal for himself. After much persistence on my part, he finally declined, trying his best to let me down gently. As my poor little heart finally broke completely in two, I decided to alleviate the social tension, replying to him, "Alright man, well, suit yourself."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MinisculePeen
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2015
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I made a service clerk walk away.

There is a CVS about a 5 minute walk from my house that I like to get my convenience shopping done at with these auto-checkout kiosks that always lock up. I scanned my drinks and like clockwork the machine started beeping that somebody would be available to assist me shortly; the machine had locked up. A young girl scans her ID to bring it back to functionality and asks if I needed any further assistance.

I pointed to my reflection in the window and said "No thanks, I'm going to finish checking myself out and be on my way" and flexed a bit

It took her a second, but once the guy in the photo department started cracking up she got it. I laughed all the way home.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nemesis0320
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2014
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A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jezreel62
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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A shop assistant tried stopping an armed robber by attacking him with a labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 179
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
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