The clerk at the hardware store asked me how long I wanted my lumber
I told him I was planning on keeping it
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 28 2021
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. βThatβs one too many!β says the customer.
The clerk replies βItβs a freebieβ
π︎ 23k
π
︎ Mar 11 2020
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun
Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.
π︎ 618
π
︎ Aug 09 2020
I went to the store to buy a french loaf and the clerk asked me "how do you want this to be put away?"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Went to the pet store and ordered a dozen bees. I noticed that the clerk gave me 13...
so I asked if that was a free bee. He replied, "No, that's called a baker's dozen. If you spent less time reading reposts on Reddit, you would know that."
π︎ 14
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Clerk at the DMV: Do you want to be an organ donor?
Me, every single time without fail: Sure, but not right now. Iβve got stuff to do today.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 20 2020
So I was buying cheese the other day when the clerk came out with a large wheel. Problem is, they tripped, landing on the wheel and crushed it. He asked if I still wanted it. I said no. He asked why.
I simple told him "It's no Gouda!"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment heβs been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β13?β, the scientist asks, βI wanted a dozen!β
The lab clerk says βI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!β
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
I checked into a motel and the clerk told me I had the second room on the second floor. He picked up the key to hand to me, but hesitated and took it back.
I said, βWell? 2B or not 2B?β
π︎ 13
π
︎ Apr 17 2020
When I went to the county courthouse to pay my fines with a bag full of dimes, the clerk wasn't very happy...
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 07 2020
Pizza clerk: We have a special today - buy one pizza, get the second one free
Dad: Then we'll just have the second one !
π︎ 53
π
︎ Dec 22 2019
Did you hear about the scientists who discovered there are bank clerks on the moon?
They saw them through their teller-scopes.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
Why did the grocery store clerk get fired?
He took a leek in the produce section!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
When the clerk says "sorry about your wait", I reply,
"I am too, but it's ok, I've been fat my whole life"
π︎ 397
π
︎ Feb 20 2019
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 16 2019
The clerk at the grocery store asked if I wanted my milk in a bag.
I told him he could just leave it in the carton.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 29 2019
Why was the dung beetle mad at the store clerk?
Because the clerk sold him shampoo.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 14 2019
My family and I walked into the lobby and as we were checking in, I whispered to the desk clerk, "I hope the porn is disabled."
The guy looked at me in shock and sputtered, "It's just regular porn, you sick perv!"
π︎ 72
π
︎ Dec 29 2018
I walked into a bookstore the other day and asked the clerk if they had any books on turtles.
Worker: "Hard back?"
Me: "Yeah, with little heads."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jul 14 2019
I bought a new rear tire for my motorcycle today. As the clerk handed it to me, I looked him in the eye and said "guess I can retire now"
π︎ 40
π
︎ Jun 09 2018
I stopped by the ammo store before going hunting. The clerk told me about their 2 for 1 sale.
βMore bang for your buck.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Sep 11 2018
I took my daughter to adopt a cat at the shelter. I was surprised we had to sign an itemized legal contract with expected costs. When I told the clerk I thought rescuing a cat would be free...
She told me βDad, If you want a cat, you should expect a fee line.β Iβm so proud!
π︎ 16
π
︎ May 21 2019
Store clerk: βSo, are you sure you want to purchase this pillow?β
βI think Iβm going to sleep on it.β
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 26 2019
A drunk guest returns to his hotel and says to the clerk "Hi. I've forgotten what room I'm in."
Clerk responds, "No problem, sir. This room is called 'The Lobby'"
π︎ 84
π
︎ Nov 06 2018
What did the carwash clerk say to the robber
Don't rob me I can give you a clean getaway
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 30 2019
Clerk: can I help you find anything?
Dad: I havenβt lost anything yet thanks.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 28 2019
Why did the Hotel Clerk feel uncomfortable at work?
It was a hostel work environment.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Sep 07 2018
Easter candy joke on unsuspecting clerk.
I was checking out at the dollar with a Sprite, some chocolate Bunnie candies and cream eggs yesterday. As I approach the counter, the dude asks me if I found everything alright.
I pause for a moment, think about it, and say to him.
"So, I see you guys have the Easter candy out. Any idea on when you'll have in the Wester candy?"
The dude thought about it seriously for a second, then he got it. He looks dead at me as I'm sure I had the dumbest smile on my face, groans and starts laughing too.
π︎ 73
π
︎ Mar 26 2016
What did the Bhuddist say to the Hotel Clerk when asked if he was checking out of his room?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 14 2018
Why did the happy Office Clerk have really smooth nails?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 11 2018
Like the tired stock clerk at the art-supply store said:
"I just can't palate another pallet of palettes."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 09 2017
So my friend and I visit a vegetable shop. The clerk says "You want to buy anything?"
I said "Lettuce see the selection, please"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 04 2018
A shopper walked into the Wegmans and asked where they could find the raisins. The clerk said:
βwhere the grapes used to be.β
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 25 2018
I bought something for $4.50 and gave the store clerk a five. Instead of giving me back two quarters he ripped a dollar in half and handed it to me.
There was no cents to that.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 27 2017
a clerk just asked me if i needed help at a vision care center.
I told her I was just looking. :)
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 04 2015
I made a service clerk walk away.
There is a CVS about a 5 minute walk from my house that I like to get my convenience shopping done at with these auto-checkout kiosks that always lock up. I scanned my drinks and like clockwork the machine started beeping that somebody would be available to assist me shortly; the machine had locked up. A young girl scans her ID to bring it back to functionality and asks if I needed any further assistance.
I pointed to my reflection in the window and said "No thanks, I'm going to finish checking myself out and be on my way" and flexed a bit
It took her a second, but once the guy in the photo department started cracking up she got it. I laughed all the way home.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Dec 12 2014
Got the gas station clerk today
I put my goods on the counter and he rings them up. He proceeds to tell me that the total is seven eleven ($7.11). I look at him sternly and reply, "no, this is Chevron". He wasn't nearly as amused as I was.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 22 2015
Gas station clerk got me today...
Me: Can I put 10 bucks on 2.
Clerk: Stapler or Duct tape
Me:huh?
Clerk: I personally think the stapler helps keep the bills on the machine better.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 02 2015
Working the polls and the judge was talking to a clerk.
(They are both older guys the clerk was talking about his hair going away)
The judge said "Your hair is looking a little wavy... one side is waving goodbye to the other"
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 09 2015
Accidentally got myself and a store clerk.
So this morning on my way to work I stopped at a Walgreens to grab some snacks and drinks. (For those unknowing, it's a pharmacy/grocery) I recently quit smoking and found the snacking helps on cravings.
Anyhow, the clerk rings me up and says my total: "$7.11." Without even thinking it I blurt out "It's not a seven-eleven. It's a Walgreens."
Suddenly terrified that I am apparently a dad, I grabbed my stuff and left, the haunting echoes of laughter behind me.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 09 2014
I dad joked the deli clerk
#1 deli clerk asked #2 deli clerk if the gelato my wife was eating was on the receipt, I looked at her and said " I don't think it was a gelato, it was just a gelittle"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 08 2014
My dad, every time a sales clerk asks, "Can I help you?"
He gives them a crazy-eyed look and says, "No, I'm beyond help."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Sep 17 2013
AutoZone clerk must be a dad.
I went into AutoZone today and told them I needed a new running light. The clerk asked me: "How fast would you like it to run?"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Oct 31 2013
Made the (young) grocery store clerk smile awkwardly while the guy behind me cracked up.
I was buying cake and candles for my wife's 29th birthday yesterday. The clerk scanned the cake and the "2" and "9" candles and said, "Oh, someone's having a birthday, huh?"
"Yup, it's my wife's birthday today," I replied. "It's amazing, really. She's already 92, yet she doesn't look a day over 90."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 21 2014
Grocery clerk asked if I wanted my milk in a bag...
I told her "no, in the carton is fine".
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 24 2016
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