A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender asks, "Hey, what's with the paper towel?"
The pirate says, "Argh, I've got a Bounty on me head!"
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Nov 11 2020
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "How about something to eat?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!" "What about some peanuts?" "Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"
The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.
This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.
But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.
π︎ 11k
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
A woman walks into a bar, and asks the bartender for a "Double Entendre".
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
A string goes into a bar, the bartender asks: "Would you like a drink"?
String: "I'm a frayed knot."
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 23 2021
Why was the Native American bartender fired?
He kept charging $24 for a Manhattan
π︎ 31
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
Grizzly bear walks into a bar. Says to the bartender "i'll have a whiskey..................on the rocks, please" bartender asks "whats with the big pause?"
Grizzly looks perplexed and replies "Ive had them all my life"
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Two extraordinarily large horses were sitting at the bar having a beer. Guy walks in and says to the bartender. "Hey, what's with the Clydesdales?" Bartender says,
π︎ 18
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club"
π︎ 29
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
I'm going to be a bartender
Guys named Bart, watch out.
π︎ 46
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Q: Why would Eminem make a horrible bartender?
A: Whenever you try and order a round he says, βYou only get one shot.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
A guy walks into a bar with a dog and the bartender says "No pets allowed!"
The guy says "This isn't a pet, he's my friend and he can talk."
The bartender is skeptical and demands the guy proves it.
The guy asks the dog "What's the opposite of 'soft'?" The dog replies "Rough!"
The bartender remains skeptical and asks for more proof.
The guy asks the dog "What do people put over the top of their house?" The dog replies "Roof!"
The bartender gets annoyed and gives the guy one more chance.
The guy asks the dog "Who is the greatest baseball player of all time? Babe......" The dog replies "Ruth!"
The bartender is fed up and throws them out. The dog says "Should I have said 'Lou Gehrig?'"
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
A horse walks into a bar and sits at a stool near the bartender. The bartender goes "Hi Horse, what can I get for you today?"
The horse looks at the bartender and says "Hey"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
A rope walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and says says, βGet out. We donβt serve rope in here.β So the rope goes out, cuts itself in two before tying the two sections together. It then pulls out a comb and combs its ends. The rope then walks back into the bar.
The bartender says, βHey! Arenβt you the rope that I just threw out?β
The rope replied, βNo. Iβm a frayed knot.β
π︎ 12k
π
︎ May 27 2020
Why did the bartender get fired?
π︎ 22
π
︎ Nov 14 2020
A mushroom walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey! We don't serve your kind here!"
The mushroom replies, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!"
He then goes on to say "The name's Gus, and all my friends call me Fun Gus"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
A big bear goes into a bar and slaps down a $20 bill and says to the bartender,"give me a gin and................tonic"
The bartender replies, "Why the big paws?"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
A lady walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend
but he kept asking her for another shot.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
Turkey walks into a bar. The bartender looks a little confused and asks "who are you?" Turkey replied "I'm a wild turkey." Bartender replied "oh we have a drink named after you!"
Turkey says "blulululu awesome, bring me a Kevin!"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 02 2020
If you ask your bartender for a recommendation...
...does that make them your Spirit Guide?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Nov 06 2020
From childhood, I knew i was destined to be a bartender
π︎ 4
π
︎ Oct 21 2020
Why is the bartender always motivated?
They hear everyone say, "That's the spirit!"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says βWow, Iβve never served a weasel before. What can I get you?β
βPop.β Goes the weasel.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 24 2020
Bono and the Edge walk into a bar. The bartender says...
Oh no, not you two again.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
What did the bartender say to his date?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 12 2020
A pirate with a shipβs wheel in his pants walks into a bar. The bartender canβt help but ask about it.
The pirate replies, βArrgh, itβs driving me nuts!β
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 17 2020
A Roman Soldier caught the Bartender's eye and gave him the two fingers sign..
" Five beers coming up " said the Bartender.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jul 08 2020
Bear walks into a bar. Bartender says - βwhatβll you have?β Bear says βIβll have a beer......... and...................... um.............. a bourbon.β Bartender says βalright. Say whatβs with the big pause?β
Bear says βoh these? I was born with em.β
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
A bear walks into a bar and says "I want a gin.........and tonic." Bartender asks "why the big pause?"
Bear: holds up paws "cuz I'm a bear"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
A priest, a rabbit and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender says, βWhatβll ya have?β The rabbit says...
βI dunno. Iβm just here because of autocorrect.β
π︎ 25
π
︎ May 27 2020
A pair of underwear walked into the bar, ordered a drink, and began to tell the bartender a story. He went on and on and on.
The bartender interrupted him and said, "Hey can you make this brief?"
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. Bartender asks him what's with the steering wheel? He replies...
"Arghhh, I don't know but it's been drivin' me nuts all day"
π︎ 465
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
An anteater walks into a bar and the bartender asks, "Can I get you a drink?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"How about something to eat?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"What about some peanuts?"
"Nooooooooooooooooooooo!"
Frazzled, the bartender cries, "What's with the long no's!?"
The anteater replies, "I was born with it!"
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
i want to be a bartender
guys named bart, you better watch out
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Rope walks into the bar. Bartender says, Sorry we donβt serve ropes here. Rope walks out, messes himself up, ties himself in a knot, and walks back into the bar. Bartender asked if heβs a rope!
Rope replies Iβm a frayed knot.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
A hotdog walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender replies, "Sorry, we dont serve food here".
π︎ 3
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but...
.
.
.
He kept asking for another shot.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Sep 27 2020
The bartender says, "we don't serve time travelers here."
A time traveler walks into a bar.
π︎ 109
π
︎ Oct 03 2020
Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "One whiskey and ................... one coke.
"Why the big pause?" - says the bartender.
"I don't know. I was born with them" - says the bear.
π︎ 963
π
︎ Mar 25 2020
What did the bar say to the Bartender?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Sep 18 2020
A weasel walks into a bar and the bartender says "Hey, I haven't seen your kind here before! What'll you have?"
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 15 2020
A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get for you?
"
"Pop," goes the weasel.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Oct 31 2019
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "how much?"
The bartender replies "For you? No charge."
π︎ 112
π
︎ Jun 02 2020
The bartender says "Sorry we don't serve time travelers"
Two time travelers walk into a bar
π︎ 99
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
The bartender says "We don't serve you people here."
Two time-travellers walk into a bar
π︎ 9
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
The bartender says, βwe donβt serve time travelers in here!β
A time traveler walks into a bar.
π︎ 78
π
︎ Apr 05 2020
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, βWhatβll ya have?β
The rabbit says, βI dunno. Iβm only here because of Autocorrect.β
π︎ 61
π
︎ May 24 2020
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