The barman says, โ€œSorry, we donโ€™t serve faster-than-light particles in here.โ€

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 277
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/snrckrd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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A German guy walks into a bar and asks for a Martini. The barman asks "dry"?

The guy says "no, just the one"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 17
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cotswoldboy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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A bloke runs in to a bar and says. Quick how tall are penguins? The barman says about three feet. The man groans and says :--

I have just run over a NUN

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tiger7971
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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A pirate walks into a bar and the barman says "do you realise that you have a steering wheel down your pants"

The Pirate replies aaarrr it's driving me nuts

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mrjaxson1111
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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"I'm sorry," said the barman, "we don't serve time travellers."

A time traveller walks into a bar.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 845
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rav4xle
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 13 2020
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The barman in the pub looked over at me said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?" "

Why would I want two empty glasses?" I asked

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AustralianGroan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
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Why wouldnโ€™t the barman serve Shakespeare?

Because he was bard

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PositiveCunt
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

โ€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the roadโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/KoronaSenpai
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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A weasel walks in to a bar. "What'll it be?" Asks the barman.

POP Goes the weasel

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Randyaster
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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A man walks into a bar with a giraffe, which promptly lays down on the floor. The barman says, โ€œOi mate, you cant leave that lying there!โ€

The man says, โ€œItโ€™s not a lion itโ€™s a giraffeโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 179
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomsonc014
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
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A man walks into a bar and orders helicopter flavor chips. The barman replies

โ€œsorry mate we only do plain.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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Two strips of tarmac are arguing about who is the toughest. They have in idea to fight the shady looking guy in the corner to prove how tough they are. The barman stops them.

I wouldn't mess with him lads. He's a cycle path.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/callos05
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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A man walked into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm. He said to the barman " a pint of beer please".

....and one for the road.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Blarty97
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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middle-aged guy next to me in the pub yesterday asked the barman if they have a lighter ....

but they only had matches!

so he took them and said

"they'll do just fine. thank you very ...

match"

and yes, he paused, did the finger gun and winked.

surely he was a dad.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 1k
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/i_accidently_reddit
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
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Neon walks into a bar, the barman says "we don't serve noble gasses in here"

Neon doesn't react

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChazyLamy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 22 2018
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A man walks into a bar with his pet giraffe, the barman asks what he can get them and the man orders a pint for himself and 20 shots for the giraffe, the giraffe necks all 20 shots and falls on the ground, the man goes to leave the bar and the barman says "HEY, you can't leave that lyin there!"

The man says "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChazyLamy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 23 2018
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A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm and asks the barman....

โ€œCan I have a drink for me and one for the roadโ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 161
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/tpatt83
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 12 2019
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The barman looked over at me and said, "Your glass is empty. Fancy another one?"

"Why on Earth would I want two empty glasses?" I asked.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/cotswoldboy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
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The barman said "sorry, we don't serve time travellers"

Two time travellers walk into a bar

๐Ÿ‘︎ 41
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dennis584
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 07 2019
๐Ÿšจ︎ report

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