The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, “you wanna box for those leftovers?”
I replied, “No, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”
Recently got a job as a waiter
It’s not great, but it puts food on the table
When you wait for the waiter, you become the waiter
[First day as a waiter] Me: How would you like your steak?
Customer: Well done.
Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
I wanna go spend a few weeks working a waiter in Vietnam so I can tell my kids I served in 'Nam.
A man ordered a glass of water at a fancy restaurant. It cost him 10 dollars. When the waiter delivered it, he asked the waiter why it was so expensive.
The waiter responds “It’s tap quality”
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
Just got a new job as a waiter
it's not great but it puts food on the table.
Why do waiters like people who fall over gracefully?
The waiter asked me if I wanted a box for the leftovers...
So I said, "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee.
The man take a sip and spits it out. He turns to the waiter and says,
"Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!"
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the man and says,
"But sir, it's fresh ground!"
A waiter once asked me: “Do you wanna box for your leftovers?”
I said: “No, but I’ll wrestle you for them!”
I ordered an egg dish at a restaurant. When I finished, I asked the waiter for another one and he said...
"No, sir, that's un oeuf."
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftover food?
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.
I said "No, that's the last thing I want"
"What's that floating in my eucalyptus tea?" I asked the waiter in one of Mercy's finer restaurants.
It turned out to be koala dung left when they hang in the trees at night. When I requested a tea sieve the waiter replied,
"The Koala teas of Mercy are never strained".
WAITER: are you ready to order?
DAD: I’ll have the rabbit stew
WAITER: only if you promise not to say “waiter there’s a hare in my soup” after I bring it
DAD: I’ll have the chicken
What did the grim reaper say when the waiter asked what he wanted to eat?
A colony of bacteria walks into a bar. Waiter tells them they're not welcome.
The bacteria say, "But we're staph!"
Interviewer: So why do you think you’d be a good waiter?
Well, I can bring a lot to the table.
I was waiting for a long time at the restaurant. The waiter came and said; sorry for your wait...
I said: are you calling me fat?
Manager: "Why would you make a good waiter at my restaurant?"
Me: "I bring a lot to the table."
What do you look for when hiring a waiter?
Someone who can bring a lot to the table.
The Waiter Said: Want a brochure?
The Customer Said: Bro Sure.
Waiter asked how I like my steak.
I said like winning a argument with my wife.
Waiter said rare it is.
Waiter: Do you want a box for your leftovers?
No. But I'll wrestle you for them.
Waiter: how would you like your tea?
Me: Between S and U if you don’t mind. Or maybe I have it backward. Let’s just keep it between US
Waiter: Do you wanna box for the leftover?
Me: No, but I'll wrestle you for them.
What do you call it when a waiter brings you the wrong meal?
What does Batman say when the waiter offers him water at a restaurant?
But I wonder what they really do when we tell the waiter to give compliments to the chef
Waiter: your soup Me: no I'm not
Right after we sat down for dinner, the waiter said, “Would you like to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please, thanks.”
The waiter responded: Today is special.
A man is at a job interview and the interviewer asks him “So why do you think you’d make a good waiter” and the man replied “Well, I think I could bring a lot to the table”
An Australian chess player went into a restaurant and ordered food. After having his food , the waiter asked him "Cash or Credit , Sir?"
Had a horrible experience dining out last night. The waiter made us eat our spaghetti with a spoon.
I complained to the owner, but even she didn’t give a fork.
"Waiter, there's a fly in my soup!"
The Waiter whispers: "Quiet down, or everyone will want one"
The waiter said to me, “I just want to let you know that kids eat for free.”
I exclaimed, “Good! I’ll take a water and some chicken nuggets and my daughter will have a steak and a kids Bud Light.”
Waiter: I’m glad you enjoyed your dinner. How did you find the steak?
Me: Super easy. It was right next to the potatoes.
The waiter brought our food to the table. He placed my delicious-looking fajita plate in front of me and said, "Careful, this is gonna be hot"
I was served by a one armed waiter once
You’ve got to hand it to him
I was at a sandwich restaurant once. I got a meat and cheese sandwich, and when the waiter asked me what kind of meat I wanted, I pointed to his knee. He didn't know what I meant, so I left.
I guess he did understand that I wanted bologna.
For dessert the waiter brought me tiramisu and a small, blind-folded horse
What do you say to the waiter who takes forever to bring your fancy pastry?
When the waiter asked me what I wanted to drink, I told him a glass of water please.
Straight away he replies "still water sir?"
Yeah, like I'm suddenly going to change my mind.
Honestly, customer service these days.
A man asks the waiter, "Excuse me, how do you prepare your chicken?"
The waiter responds, "Nothing special, sir. We just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Waiter: Soup or Salad?
Me: Dad please no this is not the time
Dad: Well I don’t want a super salad, I want a regular salad
What do Australian waiters, basketball players, and chess players have in common?
Excuse me waiter, I have a question about the house salad....
Does it come with window dressing?
What’d the manager say when a waiter dropped three plates in one night?
This is really getting out of hand
Waiter: I see your glass is empty. Would you like another?
Dad: What would I do with two empty glasses?
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
Yes sir, it's fresh ground!
EDIT: taken from Jokeriot
I was eating at a restaurant and a waiter comes up to me and asks: "How did I find the steak?"
I told him I looked underneath the parsley.
Just got offered a job as a Waiter
It's probably because I can bring a lot to the table.
When a waiter goes swimming
Waiter: Be careful, the plate is really hot.
You: No worries. I'm not really attracted to plates.
What did the duck say to the waiter?
Interviewer asked me if I'd be a good waiter...
Well, you could say I bring a lot to the table.
When I was done with my food the waiter asked if I want the bill
Waiter: “How’s your chicken?”
Dad: “Not good. I think it might be dead.”
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftovers?
Dad: No, but I'll wrestle you for them.
Why did dad return the rabbit stew to the waiter
Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud!
Waiter: But it was ground this morning.
"Waiter! What's this fly doing in my soup?"
What did the German waiter say halfway through the meal?
Cheer up. The würst is yet to come!
The waiter at a restaurant asks “you finish?”
Super Hero Waiter
What did the Super Hero Waiter serve to the Vegan Villain?
Being a waiter is hard. The hours are long, the pay is low.
But at least it puts food on the table.
The waiter gave me a ribeye that I didn’t order
I asked the waiter if they had any slices of cake
He said they ran out, but they have 2 slices of cookie dough
(Right after dinner) Waiter: So how did you find your steak, sir?
Me: wasn’t too difficult. It was right next to the potatoes.
What did the waiter say when a man blamed him for losing his magazine?
Sorry sir we are not responsible for lost any articles.
I was on a date and said to the waiter “I would love the bo-log-nayz and a white wine.” Laughing my date said “I didn’t know you spoke another language.”
I replied, “yeah, I’m trylingual.”
My dwarf friend wasn’t doing too well on his job as a waiter and got fired.
He was struggling to put food on the table.
The waiter asked me if I wanted a soup or salad
I said, "Of course! Who wouldn't want a crime-fighting head of lettuce!"
At a restaurant, right after finishing my steak dinner. Waiter: So how did you find the steak, sir?
Me: Very easily. It was right next to the potatoes.
A couple sits down at a restaurant and the waiter brings them a basket of bread
The guy asks the waiter "Excuse me, is this gluten free?"
The waiter responds "Well it's complimentary as long as you order an entree"
I forgot to tip the waiter today
I left a restaurant about an hour ago and thought to myself "I didn't tip the waiter,Larry!!" So I had to drive all the way back.
It's a long way to tip a Larry.
I love meeting waiters.
They always bring something to the table.
What did the Aussie say to the waiter after winning his chess match?
“Waiter, this coffee tastes like MUD!”
“Oh really? Well, it was GROUND this morning.”
A raven walks into a restaurant. The waiter asks, would you like soups or salads?
Broth, the raven, nevermore
What did the waiter say when I finished my bowl of ramen?
Whenever the waiter/waitress asks if they can take our plates.
"Sure, they were yours to begin with!"
What do waiters do when there are no customers?
Why did the waiter get fired for taking food back to the kitchen?
After dinner, I asked the waiter, “Would you mind getting the check for me?”
Waiter: Sure, sir. No problem.
Me: Thanks a lot. I’m really broke.
Heard this as a waiter
Myself: excuse sir would you care for a tea or coffee
Customer: sure, how often will I have to feed it?
Waiter: Would you like to hear today’s special?
Me: Yes please.
Waiter: Sure. Today is special.
"Waiter, this coffee tastes like mud?"
"Yes sir, it's fresh ground."