Waiter: “How do you like your steak, sir”?
Sir: “Like winning an argument with my wife”.
Waiter “Rare it is!”.
Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..
Policeman: Can you describe the shooter?
Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley.
W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.
A waiter at a german restaurant warned me that the meat they used for sausages was suspicious. I replied: " It's okay...
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why
I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA
Waiter : "How would you like your steak cooked"?
Me : "Take a guess"
Waiter : "Medium rare"?
Me : "Well done"
Waiter : "umm, huh"???
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, “Do you want to hear today’s special?”
I said, “Yes please.”
Waiter: “No problem sir. Today is special.”
Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.
Why did the computer become a waiter?
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"
Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?
That's not my cup of tea.
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.
"6 please. I could never eat 12."
My waiter asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.
I said, "No but I'll wrestle you for them."
I always wanted to be a Hollywood waiter.
So I decided to get a job as a film star and hope a chef spots me.
The waiter pillar is very nice, 5 starr
How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant.
Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"
"Waiter, this boiled egg tastes funny"
"Don't ask me madam. I only laid the table. "
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.
"Can I ask you something?" I said.
"Certainly," he replied.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"
A sunflower walked into a restaurant around noon. The waiter asks "where would you like to sit?"
"by the window," the sunflower responded. "I'm only here for a light meal."
Just got a new job as a waiter.
The pay isn’t great, but it puts food on the table.
What does the penguin waiter says?
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied ‘yeh but that’s rare’
What did the duck say to the waiter?
What did the skeleton waiter say to his table?
What do waiters and DJ’s have in common?
Their job is to turn tables.
Why did the egg tip the waiter
Because the food was eggcellent
The waiter at our local Indian restaurant asked if I wanted bread before the meal.
“That’s a naan-starter” I told him.
I wasn't cut out to be a waiter....
You can say what you want about waiters
but they do bring a lot to the table.
Waiter, I’ll have a blind soda
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftover food?
Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, “you wanna box for those leftovers?”
I replied, “No, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
[First day as a waiter] Me: How would you like your steak?
Customer: Well done.
Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.
What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?
I’ll Serb you shortly sir.
(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)
What did the Nordic man say to the waiter when he was done his meal?
A man from Prague and his friend were playing chess at a restaurant when an Australian waiter interrupts their game. The waiter says, "have a check, mate. Your Czech mate is about to be in checkmate... oh, and here's the cheque, mate."
I went to a restaurant and the waiter sat me down and asked if I'd like to see a dessert menu.
I said "No, that's the last thing I want"
I wanna go spend a few weeks working a waiter in Vietnam so I can tell my kids I served in 'Nam.
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?
Me: no. But I’ll wrestle you for them!
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?
Waiter: "Would you like to hear today's Special?"
Customer: "Yes, please."
Waiter: "Today IS special. Very special."
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.
I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"
Recently got a job as a waiter
It’s not great, but it puts food on the table