Say what you want about want about waitresses....
....but they do bring a lot to the table.
My Dad always tells this to waiters/waitresses
Dad: calls them over after meal Waiter, this food is disgusting
Waiter: Apologises profusely
Dad: And another thing, the portions aren't big enough
Cue awkward laughter
My favorite dad joke that I use on waitresses.
Waitress - Walks up to table, "You guys all finished?"
Me - "Yes"
Waitress - "You wanna box for the leftovers?"
Me - "No, but I'll wrestle you for them."
Where do one-legged waitresses work?
Every dad has that one thing they say to waitresses.
Every time a waitresses says "the plate is really hot" my dad has to say "don't worry I won't eat the plate". hehe.
My dad's response to waiters/waitresses .
When our waiter or waitress asks us if we're ready to order, my dad, without fail, responds, "I'm ready like Betty Crocker." At this point most waiters/waitresses don't get the reference because Betty Crocker used to have ads that had the slogan, "Ready when you are, and even when you're not." So some of the times he'll explain it, most of the time he just leaves the waiter/waitress confused.
I was in the bar last night when the waitress yells "Does anyone know CPR?"
I yelled back "I know all those letters!" Everyone laughed, well except this one guy.
Waitress asks…
“How did you find your steak sir?”
Dad responds: “I just looked down at the potatoes and there is was!”
While at a restaurant, the waitress was totally flirting with me with my wife present. After she walked away, my wife said “She obviously has COVID!” “Why would you think that?” I asked.
“Because she has no taste.”
What did the Oakridge Boys say to the Olive Garden waitress?
Mmm pasta, mmm pasta, mmm pasta now, now
Real story: I was talking to the Waitress at a breakfast restaurant where a Jeep wheel had just blown out the front window.
I told her she looked exhausted. When you start your day like that you’re tired all day.
I was sitting in a restaurant when the waitress walked up and asked how did you find your steak sir?
I said I looked at the mashed potatoes and the steak was right next to them.
Before we left the restaurant, the waitress asked if we wanted a box for leftovers.
"No, I was hoping you'd just give them to us, for free."
Where’d the one-legged waitress work?
What did Peter Andre say to the waitress at Oktoberfest?
Just give me some kind of stein girl.
Told the waitress my coffee tasted like mud.
"It should, it was fresh ground this morning. "
Don’t forget to tip the waitress
Waitress: "Are you finished sir?"
Dad: "No, I'm actually Norwegian. So close though, you're pretty good at that!"
What did Davy Crockett say when the waitress brought his pie?
"Remember the a la mode!"
i went to a restaurant and the waitress threw a piece of meat on the ceiling. she offered me $100 to go and get it off and i replied:
No, the steaks are too high!
I was at a restaurant with my wife when a waitress suddenly screamed, "Does anyone know CPR??"
I shouted, "Even better, I know the whole alphabet!"
Everyone laughed...
Well, everyone except this one guy.
My waitress just asked “ Do you wanna box for your food?”
I told her “No I would rather wrestle for it”.
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
Son, you should always tip the waitress
Tip her, but don’t let her fall
A waitress asked me: “Soup or salad?”
I said just a regular salad would be fine
What's the name of the one-legged waitress that works at IHOP?
For all you folks living with diabetes... (My daughter and I both have type 1.) Here’s the joke — What do you say when the waitress at the Mexican restaurant asks you if you want sauce with your carne asada?
The waitress came over and saw my leftovers and asked, "do ya wanna box for that?"
I responded with, "no, but we can arm wrestle any day."
I went into a diner the other day and said to the waitress, "I'll have a rubber band sandwich".
At the restaurant, my family was nearly finished eating and I still had half a plate of food left. The waitress asked, "Do you wanna box for that?"
I replied, "No thanks, I'd rather wrestle for it!"
A real life dad joke.
My wife was dishing out food. She put some salad on a plate and handed it to my daughter.
Then my wife looked at me and said, "Cesar Salad?"
I immediately grabbed my daughter's plate and pulled it out of her hands. My daughter got confused (maybe wondering if she did something wrong?). My wife asks me, "What the hell are you doing???"
I responded, "Sorry. Could have sworn you just said seize her salad."
When getting ready to leave the restaurant, our hot waitress noticed by leftovers and asked: “do you wanna box for that?”
I said: “I’d rather wrestle for it”.
I just got my first shot
I’m going to get my second when the waitress gets back
"Waitress,can I ask you something about the menu please ?"
Waitress: [slaps me a good one across the face] "The men I please are none of your business !"....OOF
A waitress once threw sodium chloride on me.
Oh damn guess I get to keep my tip
Waitress at Wimpy asked us if we'd like onion rings or mozzarella sticks 'for the table'
"No thanks, I don't think the table's hungry."
How long does it take to get the Belgium waffle all the way from Belgium?
I overheard an older gentleman asking the waitress this before ordering at the diner.
Why did the waitress get promoted?
She brought a lot to the table.
The waitress asked my dad if he was paying credit.
He responded with a grin, "Did you just assume my tender?"
At the local cafe, the waitress always calls me "hun"...
I don't know whether it's because she likes me or because I dress like a fifth century nomad...
WAITRESS: "Soup or salad?" DAD: "I don’t want a SUPER salad, I want a regular salad.”
Waitress: How did you find your steak Sir?
I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.
Waitress asked me how I found my steak.
I told her it wasn't difficult. They were right next to my potatoes
Waitress: How did you find your steak?
Dad: I just looked next to the potatoes and there it was.
My waitress asked me if I wanted a box for my food
I told her I’d rather wrestle her for it instead
Waitress: Do you want a box for the rest of your food?
Dad: No. But I'll wrestle you for it!
People think being a waitress isn't a respectable job.
But hey, it puts food on the table.
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