Waiter: β€œHow do you like your steak, sir”?

Sir: β€œLike winning an argument with my wife”.

Waiter β€œRare it is!”.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boredhanda
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
Our waiter at a Chinese restaurant said "Soy sauce" . . .

So I said "Hola, Sauce. Soy papΓ‘."

πŸ‘︎ 543
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BibliosaurusLex
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Why was the waiter fired from his job?

Because he was too impatient

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ZEN0N_
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...

but hey, at least I put food on the table...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2021
🚨︎ report
Policeman taking a witness statement from the waiter after a shooting at a vegan bar..

Policeman: Can you describe the shooter? Waiter: 6 feet, white male, grey shirt and a skirt made of parsley. P: Parsley? W: Yes. It was just a herb he wore.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
A waiter at a german restaurant warned me that the meat they used for sausages was suspicious. I replied: " It's okay...

... I've had wurst."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FreeksTheFly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
So I was at Chili’s the other day and when a waiter came to take our order, I asked him to turn the heat up and when he asked why

I replied it seems a bit chilly in here. I’m now banned at all Chili’s restaurants in the USA

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I sat down for dinner at a restaurant, and the waiter asked me, β€œDo you want to hear today’s special?”

I said, β€œYes please.”

Waiter: β€œNo problem sir. Today is special.”

Edit: You guys are way too generous. Thank you.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Waiter : "How would you like your steak cooked"?

Me : "Take a guess"

Waiter : "Medium rare"?

Me : "Well done"

Waiter : "umm, huh"???

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Waiter, I'll have the omelette please.

"Eggcellent choice sir."

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jollyflyingcactus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
The Waiter [OC]
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChumpsLand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the computer become a waiter?

'cos he was a server

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maccer20
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A waiter asks the "How did you find your steak, Sir?"

Me: I just looked next to the mash potatoes and there it was!

Source: tedthestoner2.0.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jabhiram
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What does a tea hater say to the waiter who brought them tea when they ordered coffee?

That's not my cup of tea.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BowelMovementator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
A blonde orders a pizza and the waiter asks if she would like it cut into 6 or 12 pieces.

"6 please. I could never eat 12."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My waiter asked me if I wanna box for my leftovers.

I said, "No but I'll wrestle you for them."

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Son_of_Biyombo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I always wanted to be a Hollywood waiter.

So I decided to get a job as a film star and hope a chef spots me.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The waiter pillar is very nice, 5 starr
πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/potoooooooo53
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A Good Waiter
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant.

Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the desert menu.

"Can I ask you something?" I said.

"Certainly," he replied.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food?"

πŸ‘︎ 143
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
"Waiter, this boiled egg tastes funny"

"Don't ask me madam. I only laid the table. "

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A sunflower walked into a restaurant around noon. The waiter asks "where would you like to sit?"

"by the window," the sunflower responded. "I'm only here for a light meal."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What does the penguin waiter says?

Waddle'll it be?

πŸ‘︎ 99
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got a new job as a waiter.

The pay isn’t great, but it puts food on the table.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
🚨︎ report
So the customer asks the chef if anyone orders steak raw and the waiter replied β€˜yeh but that’s rare’
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AMswag123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the duck say to the waiter?

Put it on my bill

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyPert
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the skeleton waiter say to his table?

Bone AppΓ©tit

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Th7rtyFour
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do waiters and DJ’s have in common?

Their job is to turn tables.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ReddiTurret
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the egg tip the waiter

Because the food was eggcellent

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yakismoki899
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
The waiter at our local Indian restaurant asked if I wanted bread before the meal.

β€œThat’s a naan-starter” I told him.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bullhead20
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I wasn't cut out to be a waiter....

I'm not very patient.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LincLoL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Waiter: Do you wanna box for your leftover food?

Dad: No thanks, but I’ll wrestle you for them.

πŸ‘︎ 481
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awburrou
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The waiter approached me as I finished eating and asked, β€œyou wanna box for those leftovers?”

I replied, β€œNo, I hate violence. May I just pay for it with my card?”

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/absolriven
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
🚨︎ report
You can say what you want about waiters

but they do bring a lot to the table.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
[First day as a waiter] Me: How would you like your steak?

Customer: Well done.

Me: Thanks. That’s nice of you, I’m really nervous.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Waiter, I’ll have a blind soda

It means no ice

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thevoice102
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
He gets a mini heart-attack when the Australian waiter says "Check, Mate"
πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stunner19
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Eastern European waiter say to the customer when he asked where the food was?

I’ll Serb you shortly sir.

(Eastern Euro joke 3/7)

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkkiller1234
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Nordic man say to the waiter when he was done his meal?

Thanks, I’m Finnish.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JPHarrison007
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Waiter: do want a box for your leftovers?

Me: no. But I’ll wrestle you for them!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a restaurant and when I sat down the waiter asked "comfortable"?

I said "no, comeforfood"

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Waiter: "Would you like to hear today's Special?"

Customer: "Yes, please."

Waiter: "Today IS special. Very special."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dmatlack1023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
After finishing my meal, the waiter gave me the dessert menu.

I said, "Why did you just eat my food ?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Recently got a job as a waiter

It’s not great, but it puts food on the table

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JBRali
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report

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