The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
I wanted to date my math teacher....
I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.
The one time I took a librarian on a date, she cost me a bloody fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
I went on a blind date with a vegan girl.
You know, owls never go on a date if it's raining.
What's the best date to take a pansexual on?
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
What is it called when two Irish couples go out on a date?
Why do saxophone players get so many dates?
Because they have sax appeal 🎷
Why is the doctor at the blood bank picky about her dates?
My sister is going on a date for coffee with a guy named joe....
You could say she’s going for a cup with Joe.....
You should never date an archaeologist,
Because they're dating other people/Because they keep bringing up the past.
I won't date just any font;
I asked my brother how his date went. He said he found out she was an anesthesiologist.
Talk about a snooze fest.
There's a new film about oxygen that's coming out soon, but there's no date.
I wonder when it will air.
One of the earliest dates I went on with my Wife was a Blindfolded Archery lesson.
It wasn't our first date but was the one that stuck in my head.
What do you call always having a date for New Year's Eve?
I used to date a microbiologist.
She was a woman of culture.
Why won't Rick Astly ever take his girlfriend out for an ice cream date?
Cuz he'll never dessert you...
Wife (serious question): What is the difference between a date and a prune?
Me: one you get lucky and the other you don't.
She was mad enough to leave the room...
*On a date*
Date: So, what do you do?
Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.
Me: talks to my date
My friend, looking at me weirdly: why are you talking to a fucking FRUIT?!
Bought a Raspberry Bomb pudding for Xmas. Close to sell by date.
Better eat it before it goes off.
Those people who refuse to date foot amputees?
They are lack toes intolerant.
POV you're a vet trying to arrange a date with a patient
Vet: "are you picking up what I'm putting down"
My Tinder date turned out to be shorter than his bio said.
I guess he was telling some tall tales.
Did the woman go on a date with the mushroom?
Of course.. After all, he is a Fungi
Why's it a bad idea to date celery?
Because when you break up you know it'll keep on stalking you.
Two beryllium atoms went on a date
It didn't work out. The relationship was toxic right at the start. I guess they were not meant 2 Be.
What did the house wear on her date?
Why is it so hard to get a date with a girl who likes horses?
Because she is already in a stable relationship...
Why did the girl date a zombie?
'Cause liked her for her brains!
Why did the girl break up with the zombie?
'Cause he was dead inside!
I had a date with a demon last night...
But I’m not really into the possessive type.
(My brother‘s joke not mine)
I used to date a girl who was lactose intolerant.
We broke up because she couldn’t stomach my cheesy jokes.
For our first date, I had surgery with my wife
It was a great way for us to open up.
After finishing our meal, my date said we should have dinner again
I told her I’m too full now
A Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him “Sudden Lee”
As a single dad money can be tight. But even when I’m on a date and I know I’m not attracted to her, I still like to get the door for her and let her walk through. It makes her feel appreciated.
And it makes it easier to slam the door and run so I don’t have to pay for dinner.
What's the best date to take a pansexual on?
I once took a librarian on a date, she cost me a fortune.
My own fault though, I kept her out too long.
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