The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ Dec 18 2020
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
๐︎ 27k
๐
︎ Sep 16 2020
For our first date, I had surgery with my wife
It was a great way for us to open up.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Nov 11 2020
What's a pirate's greatest fear on the first date?
A sunken chest with no booty.
๐︎ 74
๐
︎ Jul 22 2020
A man and a woman were on their first date.
A man and a woman were on their first date.
โSo, I hear you hunt deer,โ the woman said.
The man looked away and turned red.
โWhatโs wrong?โ asked the woman.
The man bashfully replied, โIโm not used to someone calling me โdearโ on the first date.โ
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Jun 25 2020
My wife first agreed to a date after I gave her a bottle of tonic water.
I Schwepped her off her feet.
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Aug 27 2019
Whatโs the perfect first date?
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ May 21 2020
You should never talk about the Titanic on a first date...
It's a terrible Icebreaker
๐︎ 24
๐
︎ Jun 07 2020
I had my first date last night.
What an underrated fruit.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Jul 08 2020
On my first date with my girlfriend, she proudly proclaimed that she wasn't born in the US, she's actually Scottish.
I told her "Oh, I love your tape."
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Jan 29 2020
The kind of thing you send on the first date
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Sep 07 2019
My wife emailed me the pictures of our first date together, but I couldnโt open any of the files.
I have serious emotional attachment issues.
๐︎ 181
๐
︎ Jul 08 2019
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Dec 09 2019
How do you get a woman to say I love you on the first date?
You take a dog with you :)
๐︎ 18
๐
︎ Oct 22 2019
First date
A man getting ready for his first date felt a bit out of his element so he phoned his friend, a scientist. To console the guy, the scientist tells him, "Just bismuth. You just might have some chemistry."
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jul 23 2019
What did one door say to the other door on the first date?
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Aug 26 2019
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Oct 03 2019
I Really Hate First Dates.
They're always nuts.
I'm so sorry its my first time.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Sep 24 2019
I went out on a first date with this girl. We went ice skating but we got kicked out.
We were starting to break the ice.
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Jun 24 2019
I asked Dad about his first date with mom, he said he took her to a sauna. Why?
He wanted it to be a hot date.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jul 30 2019
I had my first date last night.
I think Iโll stick to raisins.
๐︎ 35
๐
︎ Oct 12 2018
I took my cute CPA go karting on our first date to a place called Turbo Tracks...
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ May 04 2019
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was...
๐︎ 44
๐
︎ Oct 15 2018
What do swines do on first dates?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Feb 17 2019
What did the TI-83 say after its first date?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Mar 09 2019
At a restaurant, on a first date:
Her: Do you prefer cats or dogs?
Me, scanning the menu: What page are you on?
๐︎ 156
๐
︎ Jan 27 2018
I was on a first date at a restaurant.
After our mains, the waitress came over to our table. She said, 'Are you guys done?'
I said, 'Only if she doesn't pay the bill.'
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Aug 29 2018
I always take a first date out to a French restaurant. Girls love eating somewhere francy.
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Dec 03 2018
It's a shame Aziz Ansari is dealing with a scandal from a first date
He should have known it was not the right Tom to Have her for dessert.
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Jan 15 2018
I really appreciated the frozen daquiri after our first date.
I'll definately keep using Blendr.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 10 2018
First date dad joke
Yesterday I hung out with a girl I met on tinder for the first time. We went to a cool little art store and were playing with these little miniature hands and feet that go on your fingers like finger puppets. When I went to check out and buy a couple, the cashier asked me if I wanted a bag and I responded โNo thanks, Iโll just wear them out.โ The cashier started dying as did the girl I was with. Didnโt expect it to do so well but glad it did.
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Oct 15 2017
After my first blind date with this woman, I knew it wouldn't work out between us and ended it after that.
She didn't see it coming.
๐︎ 33
๐
︎ Apr 21 2017
Anyone have any good rhymes about girls who kiss on the first date?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Mar 11 2017
A text conversation right before our first date
๐︎ 10
๐
︎ Jun 07 2015
"I finally found the perfect outfit to wear when I meet my daughter's first date" (x-post from r/pics)
๐︎ 32
๐
︎ Oct 16 2013
What did the girl mushroom say to the boy mushroom at the end of their first date?
๐︎ 4
๐
︎ Nov 15 2016
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
๐︎ 2k
๐
︎ Aug 07 2019
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
And then everything crashed.
๐︎ 12k
๐
︎ Dec 16 2018
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte. And then everything crashed.
๐︎ 1k
๐
︎ Feb 15 2018
My wife emailed me a photo of our first date together, but I couldnโt open the file.
I have trouble with emotional attachments.
๐︎ 152
๐
︎ May 18 2019
You shouldn't kiss anyone on January 1st because it's only the first date.
๐︎ 4k
๐
︎ Dec 22 2014
Don't kiss anyone today, it's only the first date.
๐︎ 544
๐
︎ Jan 01 2016
My wife emailed me a photo of our first date, but I couldnโt open the file.
I have trouble with emotional attachments.
๐︎ 43
๐
︎ Jul 06 2018
Do you kiss on the first date?
What about the first raisin?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jan 10 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
