This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. β€œSon, hurry up, we’re running late.”

Son: β€œno dad, we’re walking late.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Monkey-Magic007
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Every year hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school

Never to be heard from again.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SwansonsJohnson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
11 year old Daughter talking about her school assignment: ”Have you heard of Helen Keller”?

Me-Dad: β€œNope never seen her either”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicokid80
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The vote for better slides on school playgrounds is on the ballot this year.

Unfortunately, I live in a swing state.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wB68
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Every morning when I am done getting my 2 year old ready for school I call her a Canadian potato chip.

Because she’s all dressed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zman11588
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. β€œHow did the bee get to school?”

β€œOn the buzzzzz.” So proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
So im about ten years old walking home from school with my mates..

When a chap in a van pulls up gets out and says there is a new leather sette and a leather chair in the van you can have it free of charge.

We decided to take it to our house. I told my dad expecting him to be pleased. Instead he came over and clipped my ear with the back of his hand.

Crying i said what was that for. My dad said How many times do i have to tell you. DONT TAKE SUITES OFF STRANGERS!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?

I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Photog77
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My 15 year old sent a text asking me to pick him up from school and added "not in your pyjamas".

So I'm wearing his, because good dads listen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DannyGere
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
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I went to school for years studying urology and you know what they give me?

A Pee.H.D

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AniggaNamedByron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
For years, kids have been sent to a mime school...

Never to be heard from again.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fitzz7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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My 8 year old came home from school and told me she had a test that day.

Me: Oh yeah, what was it on?

Her: Paper.

I was so proud.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cartie65
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A Catholic High School had a legendary American football team. Every year, the team was in the state championship game, and usually won it handily…

Every able lad within a few hundred miles wanted to play football for Central Catholic Fighting Knights.

Those who were familiar with the program, knew that the true heart and soul of the Knights football program was Sister Mary Margaret, an aged nun who would, in full habit, get out on the practice field and work on routes with the receivers, give pointers to the quarterbacks on their stances and releases, but most of all, love them like the second mother that she became to all of the boys in that program.

One year, on the eve of the state championship game, some evil malefactors broke into the convent and kidnapped Sister Mary Margaret. Everyone was stunned by the news, but none more so than the Knights of Central Catholic. They were devastated at the loss of their mentor.

As you might guess, the state championship game didn't go very well. For the first time in the history of the football program, the Knights were shut out. The Spartans beat them 42-0.

The next day, the headline on the local sports section read:

No Offense, Nun Taken

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend just finished his senior year of high school

I told him congraduations

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J24cihpsd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
The valedictorian from my high school year was recently arrested for being an Accessory to Murder.

We always knew he would accomplice something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My 18-year old said for his high school English essay he chose the subject of puns but was clueless where to start...

I said, "you're a groan man! Don't be sheepish--ewe can handle it."

He walked away with a spring in his step.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My 7-year-old son, Reese, has a crush called Ella who's moving schools. He wants to know which school she's moving to.

I wonder what Ella meant to Reese..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
From my 10-year-old: Who is the dominant school supply?

The ruler.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlucasr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2018
🚨︎ report
My co-worker just related to me a story about how her high school cross country team used to re-tell the same joke over and over through out the year.

I asked her if it was a running joke...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jofax88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
🚨︎ report
11 years ago my mother decided to go back and finish school. She earned her bachelors, masters, and just got her PhD. She asked if I was proud of her

"What's with the third degree?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pzl
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2017
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Friend was complaining about her partner teacher at school, saying, "She has been in year 3 for 2 years already, this is her third...she is just being lazy"

I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Real_JT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't this year's 9th grade high school students need glasses?

Because they are the class of 2020

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2016
🚨︎ report
Ate lunch with my 5 year old at his school and couldn't help but dadjoke his classmates.

Me: Oh, what happened to your two front teeth?

Girl: Oh, I lost them!

Me: Well I hope you find them!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LupeCannonball
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
🚨︎ report
First test of the school year.

My cousin's kid got home from school:

Cousin: So what happened in class today? Son: I got an A+ on a test. Cousin: That's great! What was the test on? Son: A piece of paper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/UBT400
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm known for my dad jokes and in my first day of junior year in high school, I got my friend good.

Today, my friend Mia and I found out we had PreCalculus together and thus sat across from each other and began talking about our schedules while our teacher prepared the student contracts. (For reference, Mr. Waage is one of the music teachers in my school.)

Mia- "I have Waage three times in my schedule this year and two are back to back." Me- "What periods do you have him?" Mia- "0, 4th, and 5th period." Me- "Looks like you are getting maximum Waage."

Grunts and cringes ensued

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2014
🚨︎ report
My school hosts a volleyball tournament every year. Here are some if my favorite team names
  • The Notorious D.I.G.
  • The Orval Redenblockers (I probably butchered that spelling)
  • The Volley Lamas
  • The Gold Diggers
  • The Serve-ivers
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAce1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2014
🚨︎ report
My 5 year old daughter got me with this one today on the way to her first day of school.

"What cats like to play on a computer?"
"Cats that want the mouse?"
"Nope"
"Okay, what cats like to play on a computer?"
"Tabby cats!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frond_Dishlock
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2016
🚨︎ report
While we were shopping for the kids' school supplies this year, I read at the list and told my son to look for a one foot tall statue of Julius Caesar.

My wife rolled her eyes and tossed a 12 inch ruler in the cart.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GatemouthBrown
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Wife and I picked up our 8 year old son after a school field trip to a pumpkin farm. Son takes it to the next level. Wife about leaped out of the car...

Me: What did they have at the farm?

Son: Pumpkins and gourds.

Me: Did you get to pick one out to take home?

Son: I got a gourd because it looked cool. /shows us multi colored, striped gourd

Me: Gourd for you!

Son: /slightly confused... Yes, I got this gourd.

Me: So... would you say you had a ... gourd time?

Wife: /groans

Son: Ya, I had a gourd time.

Wife: /groans again.

Wife: Really?!

Me: He gets these jokes now. He's all... gourd up now.

Wife: STOP!

Son: Oh, gourd!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shifty21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Every year hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school…

…never to be heard from again…

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Every year, hundreds of kids are sent off to mime school

never to be heard from again.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elroe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report

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