Semester Puns

Turns out it was a level 5 course.

Math, physics, comp sci. The only easy class was "The American Century." Open book midterm and final, so he wasn't going to do any of the reading all semester.

“It’s a huge waste of time, Dad,” he laughed when I objected. “I’m not learning a damn thing in the class.”

“Well, then you’re just going to have to take that class over again,” I snapped at him.

“What are you talking about?” he yelped.

“You know why, Gabe,” I said. “Those who don’t learn from history are condemned to repeat it.”

He coined the term.

Son: Hey Dad! It’s great to see you again, I like your new beard.

Dad: Thanks son. When I first stopped shaving I didn’t like it, but then it grew on me.

It’s textbook economics.

I’ll be studying a broad.

https://i.imgur.com/AKmqUtk.png

He asked me what her name was.

The part that really hurts is that I really gave it my awl.

And my dad goes, "I never understood why you would study abroad when you could study all of them."

I told him "I can't wait to start learning how to turn:, I then turned 90° to my left and exclaimed "holy crap I'm getting the hang of it already"

I was a chemistry TA.

Student writes "esther" on their paper.

Me: Chemists follow Avogadro's Law, not Abraham's!

Entire class groans.

I’m really struggling to get out of it.

two times ten is twenty and two times eleven is twenty too

I am a teacher, I teach history first semester and economics second semester.

One student was upset about having so many graphs to understand and learn how to use.

St: I'm ok with memorizing everything about history, I'm ok figuring out how wars started and ended, but graphs...

Me: graphs is where you draw the line huh?

A five on the sighsmograph. Beautiful!

Edit: spelling

First day of the new semester. I'm at my first class, Experimental Statistics. The professor is going over the syllabus and everything then stops for us to do an "exercise."

He tells us to turn to the person next to us and ask them to marry us.

(If you must know, the guy on side me said no. Apparently it was something I said.)

We start to quiet down and wait for the explanation of why 1000 students just asked each other to marriage.

The professor said that it was important for his students to be engaged during class.

My best friend just returned from Denmark and came over to watch the game.

Dad: So how was your last semester?

Friend: It was amazing. I was abroad. It was so much fun.

Dad: Yeah, you did seem a little more feminine than I remember.

-Couldn't help but laugh.

First day of new semester, math class.

Teacher asks "I assume your previous teacher has talked/mentioned graphing where x is to the 3rd degree." (x^3)

Some nod others disagree...

Teacher: "well did she or not?"

Me: "Well she did mention it....to a degree"

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

So this joke needs a little context: I go to school at USC in South LA.

We were turning in our homework assignments and people kept turning them in with the edges folded instead of stapled. My professor looks at us and says "If you guys need staples, there is a staples center about a mile from here." We just stared back at him and then slowly all started to laugh.

Some background, I'm taking Listening to Jazz this semester to fill my arts credit. Last week the professor talked about musicians Miles Davis and John Coltrane, and their albums Kind of Blue and A Love Supreme.

During class he was trying to explain to us what the difference between different kinds of jazz were. So he pulled all the students wearing blue and asked each student he pulled to describe their shade of blue. I was picked and when it was my turn, I just looked at him and said "My shirt looks... Kind of Blue" referencing a Miles Davis' album. My professor double face palmed and was so disgusted by me I almost felt bad for laughing. He threatened to give me a 3 page essay on why that was the worst answer I could've given.

I read in the North Pole News that Santa didn't allow Rudolf to lead the team this year. Santa got Rudolf's report card last week. It seems that Rudolf's grades went from B's to D's this semester. Yes - Rudolf really DID go down in history!

This last semester has really flown by.

135 lab students over the semester. How many suckers come to me to sign off their work without having their name at the top of their sign off sheets. So.. as a Dad I have my solution:

I ask my students, "Can I write 'Your Name' on your sign off sheet?"...

In a beautiful cursive flourish I write: YOUR NAME

I am currently in a intercultural communication class in college. Because its the beginning of the semester we always have to do some goofy activity and because the class is about culture everyone would tell something interesting about theirs. So this little Asian kid in class starts talking about customs growing up. He says how when he was little he remembers his father farting, and his dad asking why he is not clapping "in this culture you clap after your father farts." The whole time hes telling this I am thinking...no way...this dad is a savage. I kind of got a feeling he was starting to pick up on it, he started talking slow and thinking about it. Long story short: he clapped after his dad farted presumably for years, practicing their culture. What do you think?

You must be having a good semester then since all your classes are Lit

Grandfather: So how's school going, do you like all your classes?

Me: Yeah they're fine, I was thinking about studying abroad next semester.

Grandfather: Yeah, I bet you wanna study a lotta broads.

My teacher helped my team after class to work on some practice problems.

Teacher: What questions do you have?

Girl in my group: Starts explaining questions but stops to drink her Starbucks coffee.

Teacher (to the group): I think she's more concerned about her coffee than the question.

Girl in my group: What? I didn't have enough coffee today!

Teacher: I think you may have had too much coffee today!

Me: Too much coffee? I haven't heard her cough once!

Teacher: With a huge smile on his face he let out a massive groan. He then picks up my pencil and tosses it to the other side of the room.

Fun semester. Definitely miss that class.

My professor and I were emailing about the final project I had recently submitted when I decided to take the time to thank her for being so helpful. Professors that make classes easier to understand and add a little humor to their lectures deserve all the praise in the world, and mine was no exception to that. This was also my first class that wasn't a general education course, starting me on an MIS degree.

I emailed her saying something along the lines of,

"Thanks for being so helpful throughout the semester, this was my first MIS class and you really gave me the confidence I needed in knowing I was doing it right."

I followed with "Thanks for making this class so interesting, I will be transferring to (insert new college here) to continue earning my MIS degree. I think it's safe to say you influenced my decision to a certain degree. Hah! Certain degree, get it?"

She called me over after next lecture to tell me how bad my pun was while groaning and chuckling. No regrets.

Me and my friends were talking about the amount of schoolwork I'll be involved next semester. One of the courses I am taking is a Spanish class to fulfill a GE so I can graduate next semester. My friend, who's fluent in Spanish, told me it'll be a piece of cake.

Me: Hey, if Spanish is easy for you, do you think you can write my essays for me? (jokingly)

Him: I'll consider it. Depends on how hard the course is and what books you have to read for the class.

Me: Well, for the final paper, do you think you can give me a C, ese?

Him: Yeah, that shou... wait...

He let out a horrible groan while the other immediately got up and left the room while groaning. I'm pretty sure I could've made it a little bit better, but I'm happy with that.

talking about a music assignment I had this past semester when I came home for winter break. I told my dad I had to arrange a piece of music for class.

He asked me if it was a group project. I told him no, I was the only one who worked on it.

"So that makes you the lone arranger?"

We were talking about my semester overseas.

Me: I miss being abroad.

Boyfriend: Oh baby, you're still a broad.

Texted my dad telling him about my schedule for my last semester of school.

Me - "So yea, I'm taking fourteen credits which includes a sign language class."

Dad - "That's cool, that will definitely be handy."

I needed that today.

When I told him that I would be studying abroad in Australia next semester, he asked "what's her name?"

My fiancée is building some custom frames for her capstone project. She's is going for a baroque theme and is planning on using them with some portrait shots she's taken over the past semester. They're primed white right now, but she's planning on painting them gold.

Me: "she's gonna paint them gold later."

Mom: "aww but I like the white!"

Me: "yeah but she's going for a baroque theme and that fits better I guess."

Dad: "well, if it ain't baroque don't fix it..."

So. Many. Groans.

My grandma asked my brother, "So have you gotten any chances this semester to study abroad?"

My dad stepped in and said, "Oh don't worry. He's been seeing two girls this semester!"

Talking about the semester ending. Her: "Yeah I can't wait to sleep in every day." Me: "Sleep in what every day?"

It was towards the end of the semester and my parents had come to my university to see my choir concert as well as pick up some of the things from my dorm I didn't need any more. I went back to my dorm to get my bicycle and the replacement tire I was supposed to put on the bike but never got around to it. To make things easier, I put the tire around my neck and across my chest so I could wheel the bike to the campus center to meet up with my family and my boyfriend. As I'm walking up to them, my dad looks me up and down and says "Are you sure that's the proper atTIRE?"

I was in my first calculus class of the semester when my teacher says "Okay now onto example 2B", to which I replied, "....or... or not 2B".

The only person who laughed was the clearly stoned classmate who never showed up for class again after that that.

My dad of course had to pull out a few dad jokes; my favorite was:

Me: "Yeah he's studying abroad next semester."

Dad: "What's her name?"

My son, currently 'enduring' a semester abroad in Florence, Italy, messages me: "Remind me to tell you about the history of gianduja. It's absurd."

My response: "Yeah, I heard it's kind of nutty."

No applause, please. I'll be here all week. Try the lasagna.

My aunt and uncle recently adopted an Ethiopian boy. His first night in the states, he had pizza off the kids menu at Olive Garden. It was a small personal pizza, with an obvious circle shape. Couple days later, had pizza at his new parents. It was cut into the triangular shape. He went to school for the last day of the semester just to see what it was like, and they had square pizza.

Not knowing what the shapes were called in English, he drew the shapes for us. When he told us it was square pizza, my dad yelled out "they're cutting corners!"

We just had a test on Immanuel Kant, and were starting a new philosopher today. My professor said:

"While we are done with Kant, we do have a final exam in this class. So there will be some continuity throughout the rest of the semester."

The other day I asked my dad to come into the living room to help me move a chair. He walks in very stiffly so I ask him what is wrong. "Oh its nothing serious, I just have a weak back." This was over my Christmas break so I had finally come home after a semester of being away. So I asked him when this had happened. "About a week back."