I was cold and hungry, so I put my feet in front of the heater

Now I have tostitos

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargeYourBattery
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What does the philosophy lecturer do when he gets cold feet?

He puts on his Socrates.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikethejoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the ancient Britons do when their feet got cold?

They put their Anglo socks on.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Are your feet cold?

No, they are quite toes-ty

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tygerhavvk
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to put on a sock puppet show, but I got cold feet.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Musicmanst90
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sitting outside with my wife, without shoes, and I said β€˜my feet are cold’. She said β€˜that’s because you have bare feet’.

I said β€˜they’re not bare feet, they’re man feet’.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superchatchie
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What do some Spanish people call "getting cold feet?"

Chilitos.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boson707
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
🚨︎ report
All of this talk about cold feet on your wedding day is overblown...

I mean, mine were groom temperature.

--

^^I ^^just ^^got ^^some ^^great ^^groans ^^from ^^my ^^wife ^^and ^^two ^^of ^^our ^^soon-to-be ^^married ^^friends ^^with ^^this ^^one.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainPatent
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
🚨︎ report
I was briefly considering one of those ice plunge experiences.

But I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
Earlier, I was driving behind an ambulance when a cooler fell off the back. I stopped and opened it up to find a foot inside..

So I decided to call a toe-truck.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaPlymouth
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A pinguin decided to cancel his wedding last minute.

I guess he got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DontReplyToMePlz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don't eskimos get married?

Because they always get cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jmememan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the penguin late to his own wedding?

He had cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.

I was planning on returning them, but then I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMmeyoursafeword
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Dipped foot in water

Couldn't jump

Had cold feet :) :)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/apoorvaShrini
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
🚨︎ report
You know, I was gonna take off my socks

But then I got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usermane3000
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why didn’t Frosty the Snowman get married?

He got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do less marriages take place in winter

Because most of the brides get cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asian_despot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to take a winter swim

But after wading in I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
On my Wedding Day, I’m going to wear wool socks

In case I get cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YaBoiSlimThicc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
🚨︎ report
before getting married

before getting married people must sleep without socks a lot

I see a bunch of them getting cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xcessivehunter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife beat me at my own game today

Wife: Hey, I came up with an idea. Bed sheets that have one big pocket at the bottom to tuck your legs into so they never get cold. I'll call them... "Feeted" Sheets.

Me: wiping tear from eye Perfection.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/backwardskneesman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do ducks in a lake always fly away when you run up to them?

They have cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chevrite
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife is a better dad than me!

So yesterday I found a toy car in the freezer that my 1 year old son had put there. In telling my wife the story I told her that I was disappointed that it was a car, since: if it was a shoe I could say it was cold feet, and if it was a phone he was trying to cold call someone.

My wife, completely deadpan, responds:

"He was looking for a cool ride"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr_Nik
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Why did the penguin leave his bride at the altar?

He got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the wedding between the two skiers?

One of them got cold feet and it all went downhill from there.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPumpkinz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Variations on a theme

What do you call an avocado that plays the guitar?
Rockamole.

How do you secure your avocado?
Lockamole

Blatent lies about the avocado? That's a
Crockamole

Taking your avocado fishing? Head to the
Dockamole

If your avocado's feet are cold, get it a
Sockamole

Time to stack some avocados on top of each other ...
Blockamole

Selling avocados? Make sure you have plenty of
Stockamole

Or just pawning them?
Hockamole

Your reaction at how amazing these all are?
Shockamole.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dedtired
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Climate change question?

How many degrees does Earth's temp need to rise in order for my wife's feet to not be freezing cold all the time?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Z6ATL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Why can't Antonio Brown get married?

Because he has cold feet!!!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gdfternoon
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided taking my socks off would be a great idea

But then I got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
i wasn't gonna wear shoes today but i didnt

i guess you could say i got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elliotthecoward
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no zombie comedians?

They all get cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I wrote β€œWould you marry me?” on a balloon to propose to my girlfriend.

Then I started getting cold feet, and popped the question.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I wore five pairs of socks to my wedding

No cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TrailMix135
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I almost managed to recruit money for my slippers factory...

...but the investors got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A compass, a cough drop, and a match.

As a Boy Scout, we would camp a lot and go on hikes.

One night, we had to do a night hike, alone, for a merit badge. I had left the campsite about an hour earlier and a terrible storm rolled in. The sky opened up and the ground was quickly saturated. I tried to continue my hike for another few minutes, but it got cold and I was chilled and soaked to the bone, so I decided to try to head back to camp.

Lightning was starting to crackle above me, so I thought I should try to take a shortcut to make my hike back quicker. I pulled out my compass and found my direction, but the rain made it impossible to see more than five feet in front of me.

I was looking down at my compass, not paying any attention to where I was going, and suddenly felt weightless. The feeling didn't last long as I thumped down on slippery earth a second later.

I had fallen onto a ledge on the side of a rather steep cliff, the bottom of which was at least fifty feet down.

I sat there, contemplating on how to get back up this cliff as water rolled over the edge ten feet above me. There was nothing to grab onto to pull myself up. I was stuck there.

After a few minutes, I noticed the little ledge I was standing on was slowly getting smaller. The water was coming down so hard it was eroding the tiny bit of safety I had.

I dug through my pockets, thinking maybe I had something, anything, to help me out of my precarious situation. All I had was my compass, a cough drop, and a match. I was screwed.

So, I sat there, watching the edge of the ledge I was on get closer and closer to my feet, when suddenly I felt something pushing on my back.

I turned slightly and saw a wooden box sticking out of the cliff behind me. It was working its way out of the side, the rain surely helping it along. I tried to move away from it, but the ledge wasn't very wide and the box kept coming out, pushing me farther to the weak and failing edge.

As more of the box came out, to my horror, I realized it was a coffin! I had no idea how old it was, but it looked rather rotten. All I could think of was being pushed off this ledge, and the rotten coffin breaking and dropping a skeleton onto my broken and battered body at the bottom.

The coffin crept closer, my foot began to slip. I grabbed onto a root that was sticking out of the cliffside and dug in my pocket once more.

I hurriedly tore the wrapper off the cough drop and stuck it in my mouth. It stopped the coffin.

This joke has been told to me

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TipCleMurican
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2014
🚨︎ report
Never get married when it snows

Or your bride might get cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChrisFhey
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my sister.

My sister was chatting with my family about how her newborn son's feet are always cold.

I said, "Yeah, he doesn't really seem like the adventurous type."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thewholehamdamily
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Told my dad I had a cold

I was on the phone with my dad and told him I had come down with a cold. He responded, "Well if your nose is running and your feet smell you need to go to the doctor because you were built upside down."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zucchini_bird
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2016
🚨︎ report
Did you here about the guy who slid around barefoot on an ice rink?

Wait, never mind. He got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimedbystander
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2014
🚨︎ report
I bought some heavy wool socks the other day.

I was planning on returning them today, but then I got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PMmeyoursafeword
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't polar bears get married?

Because they all get cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkchippy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going to try out winter bathing...

Unfortunately, I got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kickooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the wedding between the two skiers?

One of them got cold feet and it all went downhill from there.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrPumpkinz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2017
🚨︎ report

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