Turning Puns

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

This bear's repeating.

"I just wanted to make that clear!"

For the Confederacy, it all went South from there

They call it CORVID-19

I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.

I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"

This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)

She said, “Stop eating so many burgers then”.

I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.

The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!

They are all either wearing a mask or their parents are dead.

Hertz don’t it.

Don't be Rhossili Bae

But for the first time in 6 years, I feel like I'm entering my prime.

Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.

Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.

She: What? Why?

Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday

He said “don’t be Sicily!”

I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean

Shit just got reel.

Business is going alright

I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.

You know, because I’ll be a half century on...

Help end Premature Draculation.

I put it back at 70 and said "I've had it up to here!"

It keeps mentioning Mao

"So have I made myself clear?" he said.

I replied, "No, I can still see you!"

Just making things clear.

Not cool

missed steak.

But I'm still not 100% shore

He took off his sox and had bare feet!

Not my son. He's 11 today.

I said "don't sweat it "

It has started to decimate the population since they aren't mating with the female lions. People are calling it the worst infestation of dandy-lions in history!

Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.

I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."

For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.

James Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.

She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”

James Bond: No thank you. Dye another day.

I shouted, "No, I can still see you!"

She said, “Then stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”

I replied, "No, I can still see you!"