Joke with a twist
Wife: I have to tell you something. Im pregnant.
Husband: hi pregnant! I'm dad!
Wife: no you're not.
Son: "all these plot twists are making me confused"
Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"
My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.
I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.
If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle
I think I might have broken it!
Well .. that was a TWIST of words
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment.
My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...
I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.
how do you not realise you should stop after one twist
Im really looking forward to the new Hacking Twist in Call of Duty!
They call it Modem Warfare!
What do you call a motorway with a lot of twists and turns
Which movie has the greatest twist in its plot?
My son couldn't figure out how to open our car door. I told him to twist it as hard as he can.
Plot Twist:
They were graphing a helix all along.
A priest twists his ankle, what's the first thing that happens?
I was out in the club and they played "The Twist," so I did the twist. They played "the Macarena," so I did the Macarena.
Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got kicked out.
Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
If you can twist a can into a knot,
I was once playing twister with my friends and I was going to win but then I fell.... And I woke up... what a plot TWIST
Scotch on the rocks with a twist
A string goes into the bar and the bartender tells him, “We don’t serve your kind here” the string then leaves, twists himself up and parts his hair, coming back to the bar, the bartender then asks, “Aren’t you the string from yesterday?”
The string replies, “I’m a frayed knot”
I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said “remove cap and twist up bottom”
It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!
Here's a story with a nice twist
https://preview.redd.it/lwkkovmrkz211.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=11dd11e7fdba807baadf681ca799f86be910fa66
My wife said that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I said, “Thanks. That is really nice of you.”
Plot Twist (x-post from /r/ExpectationVsReality)
While out caroling one Christmas eve, Jeff & Don were tragically killed in the middle of singing "Deck the Halls". In a strange twist, they were reincarnated as ass-less leather chaps. Jeff looked at his friend and said...
..."Don, we now are gay apparel."
My Dad's own twist on the "I'm hungry" joke
Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.
Me: Dad, I'm hungry
Dad: That's impossible!
Me: How?
Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!
I rip a good book apart to find out the plot twist
Did you hear about the new Indian version of Oliver Twist?
"Please, can I have somasa."
What did Oliver Twist say while playing Settlers of Catan?
Please, sir, can I have some ore?
Idea for the next Star Trek TV show: back to classic Trek. The newest Enterprise, exploring the galaxy. Twist: it's crewed entirely by aliens
Star Trek: the Mex Generation
Classic I'm Hungry with a twist
Sitting at my sister's house watching my niece.
My niece: "I'm hungry"
Me: "nice to meet you hungry"
My sister to my niece: "those cheesy jokes uncle says are called dadjokes"
Me: "guess I should go get some wine and crackers"
A twist on a classic (that went right over my daughter's head)
"I'm chilly."
"Hi Chilli -- I'm T-Boz."
Made this dad joke at dinner. Plot twist: I'm an 18 year old girl.
Family friend to me: That's why I like your dad so much. He's frank.
Me: No, no, he's PATRICK.
Classic joke with a twist.
Me: "What's for dinner, I'm starving."
Dad: "Hi, Starving. I'm Dad."
Me: "NO! My name is DAVID. There is no 'starving' in my name."
Dad: "Oh okay. My mistake, No Starving David."
God damn it, dad...
Classic dad joke with a twist
Hi, cheating on you, I'm Dad!
My wife says I twist everything she says to my advantage....
I take that as a compliment
My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.
I take that as a compliment.
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