Joke with a twist

Wife: I have to tell you something. Im pregnant. Husband: hi pregnant! I'm dad! Wife: no you're not.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Son: "all these plot twists are making me confused"

Me: "Hi confused, I'm Mom"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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My kid thought I should be impressed that she made a zero out of a twist tie.

I told her she’s 7, she should know that means nothing.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ballatik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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If there is a record for how many times a person can twist their ankle

I think I might have broken it!

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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*POT TWIST
πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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Classic dad joke with a twist

Hi, cheating on you, I'm Dad!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/final-finish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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Fluid simulation with a twist! gfycat.com/tatteredrevolv…
πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tedtedkiiler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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Well .. that was a TWIST of words
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yazanmmo1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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Plot twist
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Plus_Memes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2017
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My Asian friend owns a business where he twists and binds white t-shirts then soaks them in colored liquid...

I even have one of her Thai dye t-shirts.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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how do you not realise you should stop after one twist
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lucas1006
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
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Im really looking forward to the new Hacking Twist in Call of Duty!

They call it Modem Warfare!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/meistereder420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
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What do you call a motorway with a lot of twists and turns

The M9 Shyamalan

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/John-Waters
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
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Which movie has the greatest twist in its plot?

Twister

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryonnsan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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My son couldn't figure out how to open our car door. I told him to twist it as hard as he can.

The door is Ajar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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Plot Twist:

They were graphing a helix all along.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/perverseverence
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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A priest twists his ankle, what's the first thing that happens?

He'sprain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crispelli
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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I was out in the club and they played "The Twist," so I did the twist. They played "the Macarena," so I did the Macarena.

Then they played "Come On Eileen" and I got kicked out.

πŸ‘︎ 848
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedaveabides98
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
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Screws are just nails with a twist. (Repost from r/showerthoughts)
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Curlamus_99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
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If you can twist a can into a knot,

then you cannot

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anndvision
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
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I was once playing twister with my friends and I was going to win but then I fell.... And I woke up... what a plot TWIST
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πŸ‘€︎ u/malama2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
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Scotch on the rocks with a twist
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jakek931
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
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A string goes into the bar and the bartender tells him, β€œWe don’t serve your kind here” the string then leaves, twists himself up and parts his hair, coming back to the bar, the bartender then asks, β€œAren’t you the string from yesterday?”

The string replies, β€œI’m a frayed knot”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omghibird
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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I was shopping for some deodorant this afternoon. I noticed the instructions said β€œremove cap and twist up bottom”

It hurts to walk now but my farts smell great!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FartRipper67
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
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Here's a story with a nice twist

https://preview.redd.it/lwkkovmrkz211.png?width=2000&format=png&auto=webp&s=11dd11e7fdba807baadf681ca799f86be910fa66

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SquareRootLolly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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My wife said that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I said, β€œThanks. That is really nice of you.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2018
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Plot Twist (x-post from /r/ExpectationVsReality)
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/waka42
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2017
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While out caroling one Christmas eve, Jeff & Don were tragically killed in the middle of singing "Deck the Halls". In a strange twist, they were reincarnated as ass-less leather chaps. Jeff looked at his friend and said...

..."Don, we now are gay apparel."

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AbattoirOfDuty
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2015
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My Dad's own twist on the "I'm hungry" joke

Let me start off by saying that I'm a Geography buff.

Me: Dad, I'm hungry

Dad: That's impossible!

Me: How?

Dad: I've been to Hungary and its much more pleasant than you are!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_MarioBalotelli
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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I rip a good book apart to find out the plot twist

I halve to know

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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πŸ‘€︎ u/parth556
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2014
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Did you hear about the new Indian version of Oliver Twist?

"Please, can I have somasa."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BicuspidOrange
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2014
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What did Oliver Twist say while playing Settlers of Catan?

Please, sir, can I have some ore?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FA1R_ENOUGH
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2013
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoggleHead
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2011
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Idea for the next Star Trek TV show: back to classic Trek. The newest Enterprise, exploring the galaxy. Twist: it's crewed entirely by aliens

Star Trek: the Mex Generation

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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Classic I'm Hungry with a twist

Sitting at my sister's house watching my niece.

My niece: "I'm hungry"

Me: "nice to meet you hungry"

My sister to my niece: "those cheesy jokes uncle says are called dadjokes"

Me: "guess I should go get some wine and crackers"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigStump
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2014
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A twist on a classic (that went right over my daughter's head)

"I'm chilly."

"Hi Chilli -- I'm T-Boz."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HalBriston
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2016
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Made this dad joke at dinner. Plot twist: I'm an 18 year old girl.

Family friend to me: That's why I like your dad so much. He's frank. Me: No, no, he's PATRICK.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Classic joke with a twist.

Me: "What's for dinner, I'm starving."

Dad: "Hi, Starving. I'm Dad."

Me: "NO! My name is DAVID. There is no 'starving' in my name."

Dad: "Oh okay. My mistake, No Starving David."

God damn it, dad...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLordOfSmug
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2014
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My wife says I twist everything she says to my advantage....

I take that as a compliment

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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My wife told me that I twist everything she says to my advantage.

I take that as a compliment.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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