I’ve started turning puns into homemade action figures.
Most people consider the Battle of Gettysburg the turning point of the American Civil War
For the Confederacy, it all went South from there
Heard there's a virus going around turning people into crows
After turning on my computer in the morning, the first thing I tell myself is “I got this!”
I should stop using WebMD as my homepage.
We ordered some mail-order chickens a few months ago. Today, one of my housemates said it's looking like one of them is turning out to be a rooster.
I'm like, "Well see, we shoulda gotten female-order chickens instead, that's our problem right there. We're lucky the rest didn't turn out to be roosters too!"
This was an honest-to-god real conversation I just had with my housemate earlier tonight. :)
My wife and I were stuck in traffic, and I said, “I’m turning round”.
She said, “Stop eating so many burgers then”.
One of my students told me that all of his classmates are turning into Batman because of Covid
They are all either wearing a mask or their parents are dead.
Strange it seems, Alan Turning
I still don't understand why I got in trouble in high school for turning in my Biology lab notebook with a turd in it.
The teacher told us specifically to keep a log in our notebook!
What did the audiologist say after turning up the sound all the way.
My girlfriend told me that she was worried she was turning into a costal area at the southwestern tip of the Gower Peninsula in south Wales. I said to her...
I'm turning 37 this year. It may seem old...
But for the first time in 6 years, I feel like I'm entering my prime.
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute." When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."
For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
Paper based puns for a project about turning paper into plastics
“Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Do you want to colour your hair?”
Bond: No time to Dye. Dye another day.
My daughter: I'm turning 32 next week so I want to celebrate in a big way
Me: Okay but don't get your hopes up we're only going to celebrate for half a minute.
She: What? Why?
Me: Because it's your thirty-second birthday
I told the doctor I was worried I was turning into an Italian island...
He said “don’t be Sicily!”
Drug cartels have been turning to toilet paper instead of narcotics for profits.
I guess you can say the crack has been wiped out clean
Imagine a world without toilet paper turning to Hollywood for answers...
I started a business fixing vehicles to have the wheel only turning one direction.
Business is going alright
I’m turning 50 soon and will tell people I’ve become part Roman for the rest of my life...
You know, because I’ll be a half century on...
I scolded my son because he keeps turning down the thermostat.
I put it back at 70 and said "I've had it up to here!"
Vampires need to stop turning their victims at such a young age.
Help end Premature Draculation.
My marriage is slowly turning into a melon farm.
I keep hearing Honeydew this, Honeydew that.
Help my cat is turning into a Chinese Communist!
My wife keeps turning off the air conditioning
My favorite magic trick to perform is turning things to glass
Just making things clear.
My son told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke...
"So have I made myself clear?" he said.
I replied, "No, I can still see you!"
Turning vegan would be a big...
Did you hear about the man that is turning into an animal?
He took off his sox and had bare feet!
It's my son's birthday. Someone is turning 24!
Not my son. He's 11 today.
I think I might be turning into a beach...
But I'm still not 100% shore
My coworker thanked me for turning down the thermostat.
Only wrench-turning, The Who fans will get this pun. It's an...
I had to sell my soul, but I’m finally turning over a new leaf.
I liked the kia, but I’m looking forward to not having to buy gas anymore.
The turning of the earth really makes my day
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
Janes Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
James Bond: No thanks. Dye another day.
My girlfriend is turning 32 soon...
I've told her not to get her hopes up. "After all," I say, "we're only going to be celebrating it for half a minute."
When she asked what in the world I was talking about, I pointed out, "This is your thirty-second birthday."
For the life of me, I can't figure why doesn't think this is hilarious. I keep making sure to remind her of it every time we are around new people. Hopefully if she hears the joke enough she will start to appreciate it.
My wife and I were stuck in traffic. I said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating bacon.”
Barber: Mr. Bond, you are turning old and grey. Would you like me to colour your hair?
James Bond: No thank you. Dye
another day.
My son told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke. "So have I made myself clear?" he growled.
I shouted, "No, I can still see you!"
Turning vegan would be a huge missed steak
After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, “That’s it. I’m turning round.”
She said, “Then stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”
My son told me off today because I'm always turning things into a joke. "So have I made myself clear?" he asked.
I replied, "No, I can still see you!"
My wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, “I’m turning round.”
She said, “I know. Stop eating so much bacon.”
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