At lath.
Versa-tile!
Reptile
It's an infantile problem
It's pretty vola-tile.
Probably because he has lost his marble(s).
Because there’s laminate of course.
It was a few'tile effort.
They have a tendency to quack
Carpet dem.
He uses Tile-epathy.
He had started to lay them down before he realized it was fruit-tile.
I work for a flooring company and my boss asked me to design some merch. He asked for a flooring pun I could put on a T Shirt. Any ideas??
Under arrest?
Urine trouble.
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
You're an idiot gary, we're volcanologists... just get the samples!
You can call me a jean attic engineer
My next thought was: "Well, that escalated quickly"
I can't stand you anymore!
Broom broom
I said "oh yeah. I'm just floored".
I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe!
I said "come on, that is beneath me"
Soon it’ll be water under the fridge.
Morel of the storey
My 4 year old said “mummy, you’ve pee’d on the floor”
Needless to say I was in stitches.
This is because concrete floors are really hard.
A roller coaster
Because nature abhors a vacuum
He was a bit of a wall nut.
It has a lot of potential.
He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.
A nervous wreck
It was the work of fart.
Must’ve slipped its mind.
He wanted them to be swept right!
Luckily I got the first punch in.
"The sink is the most important! It's where you get water for cooking, wash your hands, clean fruits and vegetables, and clean the dishes up afterwards."
But another person said,
"The countertop is even more important. It's where the food is prepared. And if the counter weren't there, you wouldn't have a sink at all!"
The first person was shocked. They weren't expecting a counterargument.
Fortunately, it was just a kid napping.
That'd be a different story all together.
...Colby
I Am Grout
My 10 year old son: Don't worry, it's not a big dill. My wife while looking at me: -.-
Yes, it was the VI P room
Ground beef
Well That's like Europinion man
I guess some people cant stand jokes
Having a bit of a discipline issue with my daughter... she'll bring a pile of sand inside and make what she calls her "land". It's sand arranged in a flattish layer, with toy animals and her lego house (Friends^TM , why she no like diggers and helicopters and whatever, why she gotta be so girly??). She doesn't like getting her hand dirty while she's doing it, wears a glove to keep clean, so you'd think she could understand the concept that I don't like the floor getting dirty... but no, she doesn't give a shit.
Had her third birthday party recently, and gave her a Skye (Paw Patrol) plushy, she loves it. Because it's her newest and most favourite toy in the whole world, and because it was for her birthday, we can't confiscate it no matter what.
Very next day, she makes her land again, Skye's there at the side - she's too big to sit in the middle, it would dominate all the plastic dinosaurs and lego Friends people (not the usual mini-figs, they're a bit more anatomically correct, anyway that's not important right now). So I'm all angry and "why you keep doing this", take the glove off her and sweep up the sand. Put her in the time out cage for a bit. Well, we call it the cage, it's just a cupboard under the stairs which is a bit shorter than her so she has to sit there if she doesn't want to bump her head. Throw her in there for one minute per year of age, is the standard procedure.
Anyway, as we close the door she starts singing...
Take my glove
Take my land
Take me where I cannot stand
I don't care
I'm still three
You can't take this Skye from me
I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!
UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩
Soon It’ll just be water under the fridge.
