Me from the other room, "No, use a toothbrush".
I said, “That’s a sweeping generalization.”
He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.
And the dentist thinks my hair is lovely
We all have our floss.
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Me: Isn’t that.....a sweeping generalization?
...just wait until bed time, Oral-B revealed.
Daughter: What are summer teeth?
Me: Well. Summer there. But some ain't.
Anyone else would of called it a teethbrush.
She's a comb raider.
It's safe to say I'm going back to toilet paper.
Let me just say...they weren't too bright.
He got valhallatosis.
You get an anal cavity!
He then proceeds to take out his dentures, brushes them and whistles.
If you don't, you might get gingervitus
This is fine.
My wife was helping brush my sons teeth when he turned his head and she accidentally got tooth paste on his nose. He looked into the mirror and said excitedly, "Mom, I look like I'm Bluedolph the reindeer". I knew there was more than one reason I keep this kid around.
A toothbrush, a bed, and a chair.
A couple days later he went back to paper.
Does this mean I can still burn combs and hair picks?
Credit to u/echonight . This is a cross post from r/askreddit
There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After some protest, the lazy brother takes the car and leaves for the store. In the meantime, the dentist takes a nap on his day off. He turns off his phone so he won't be interrupted.
About 30 minutes later, the lazy brother gets into a head-on collision in the intersection by the grocery store. His vital signs are fading; he's unconscious and barely moving. An ambulance picks him up and rushes him to the hospital. He ends up in the Emergency Room under observation, but his condition is critical. They try calling his dentist brother, but he doesn't pick up because his phone is off.
The dentist wakes to a knock on the door. Suspecting a solicitor, he ignores it, but the knocking continues. Eventually, he resolves to get up and yell at the person at the door. When he does, he reveals--- the grim reaper. He is just as he appears in movies; a full skeleton underneath a tattered cloak.
The grim reaper swears. "Oh no! This always happens with identical twins".
"What do you mean?" asks the dentist.
"Well... if you must know, your brother was in a critical car accident, and I've come to take him to the underworld. I'm afraid his time on Earth has ended. I'll take my leave now."
The dentist is noticeably upset. He says "Wait! Isn't there some way I can challenge you for my brother's life? After all, YOU made the mistake. Certainly there must be a way I can bargain for his life."
The grim reaper asks "What do you have in mind?"
The dentist thinks. "How about a challenge? If I beat you, you let my brother go free."
The grim reaper laughs. "I will beat you in any challenge. What challenge do you propose?"
The dentist smiles. "I propose we see who has the cleanest teeth. 5 minute of brushing each, then we decide."
"Very well" says the grim reaper, who makes his way to the bathroom.
Once there, he pulls back his tattered cloak to reveal his skull. It's glistening. He takes a toothbrush from the bathroom, loads it with toothpaste, and brushes. After 5 minutes, the shiniest teeth anyone has ever seen glisten and make the room bright. The grim reaper gr... keep reading on reddit ➡
I guess he was a super-calloused-fragile-mystic-fraught-with-halitosis.
...but I think that's hogwash.
wife: Yes i did, but i still prefer the toilet paper.
Dad immediately goes "Is that when he was helping you with some painting?"
"Detail?! I thought that was what you grab a cat by"
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
He's advancing so quickly.
Only the ones you want to keep.
*happily, at 5, my daughter is still young enough to appreciate this one.