Man walks into a shop and picks up a can of bug spray

The man asks "is this good for wasps?"

The cashier says "no sir, it kills them"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He was a seasoned veteran!

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clkish1988
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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My wife uses nasal spray a lot, to the point we think she is addicted to it. I tried to send her to rehab, but she didn't like it.

She said it was just a bunch of stuffy people.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tilt-a-whirly-gig
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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My son wanted to see what would happen if he drank some of his body spray.

Now he speaks with a strange Axe scent.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuhoBuhoGris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.

I mist it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
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When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
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Went to the shops and bought some fly spray.

Sprayed it all over me....Still can't bloody fly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
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To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?

Han sanitizer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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I've invented a chloroform body spray.

Ladies are always falling for me.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...

I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
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When you spray someone with pepper spray

Does it become assault?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeF4y
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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Did you all hear about the drug bust at the bug spray factory?

Police said it was the greatest Raid ever!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremitthegorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
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β€œHow much does the funny smelling spray cost?”

β€œPerfume?”

β€œNo, per bottle.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jupitersmoones
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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Hornet Spray

I recently went to buy some bug spray for bee problem I had. All they had was wasp and hornet spray. So I asked the cashier if it was good for bees. She said no, it's terrible for them....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrwrichwood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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My friend was arrested by the cops for spray painting graffiti, and he tried to deny that he did it.

But the writing was on the wall.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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It’s tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.

You always have to start from scratch.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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I’m addicted to ordering cheap body sprays from other countries because of the smell.

I love foreign axe scents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Any recommendations on a bug spray?

Send me the DEETs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/riz_lemon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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So I bought a large mammal repellant spray recently, and I absolutely cannot stand the smell!

It's unbearable!

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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To the water in my spray bottle:

You will be mist.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
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What do you call it when someone dies from drinking insect spray?

Insecticide

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cosmic_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
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I was almost arrested for spray painting a grocery store with my best comic sans.

Fortunately, we talked it over and agreed that I would paint over it, and the day ended sans sheriff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
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I need to carry pepper spray because I keep getting assalted
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aarontminded
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Axe body spray (xpost /r/dndmemes)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2018
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What does a rusty can of spray-on rust remover smell like?

Irony

Edit: Quality puns in here folks, keep it up! Make your dads proud!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raditouille
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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My son tried to spray me with the hose

But he mist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TeamXII
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2019
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I need some bug spray.

A guy walks into a store and asks an employee where the bug spray is.

The employee, who just so happened to be currently stocking bug spray, tells the customer it's right here.

The guy then thanks the employee but then asks him to recommend one as he is not sure which one is better.

The employee smiles, then pulls a can of bug spray off the shelf and tells the guy that this is a good one and one of their best sellers.

The guy looks unsure, so the employee asks if something is wrong with it.

The guy replies that he's not sure but it feels like something is Off about this brand.

(Explanation: there is a bug spray brand called Off)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PurpsJL
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lordofthstrings
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 127
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, β€œIs this good for wasps?”

He said, β€œNo, it kills them.”

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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a soldier once survived pepper spray and mustard gas

he was a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 371
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Galeelo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Is insect spray good for wasps?

No, it kills them.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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My soldier friend was doused with pepper spray and also survived a mustard gas attack.

Now he's a seasoned veteran.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stevehrowe2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard-gas and pepper-spray....

Is now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/androidlowbattery
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandad was assaulted in the war with pepper spray and mustard gas.

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ABOYCALLEDBRYAN
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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