On a Sunday morning in church, a priest starts his sermon and says: "Dear Lord, without you we are but dust"...

Hearing this, a little girl leans over to her mother and loudly asks: "Mommy, what is butt dust?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themostunknownowl
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone got tattooed on Cheeto dust to their fingers
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Blobbington888
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida

So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Another one bites the dust
πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogGorForg
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
This leaves all the other jokes in the dust

https://preview.redd.it/wh7u6jprq4g41.png?width=640&format=png&auto=webp&s=4ac68748b449df6ef811f9b2e157edb59ae5ac54

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm considering selling my vacuum, it's just standing there, gathering dust.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paranoidlittlekid
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The cleaning crew stopped by my office to dust

I work in an office with 2 other guys and we all get along very well. Once every other week, a cleaning crew comes in to sweep, dust, mop etc.

One of the cleaning crew had a duster out and was dusting my coworkers desk. He told the lady to hit me with the duster as I was acting silly as usual. She said she couldn't as she would go to jail for battery. I said, "No. You would go to jail for assault with a dusty weapon."

The audible groans and chuckles were fuel to my dad humoured fire.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarFlipJudge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the dust pan break up with the broom?

Because it was sweeping around

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacobt380
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Another one bites the dust
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lars2_1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one dust particle say to another?

you’re looking rather fine today

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/im-wit-dimwit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
God and dusts

are on everything

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Karpukoly
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the dust bunny that fell in love with a roomba?

It was swept away

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I Sold my Hoover the other day...... it was only collecting dust!
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KillJoyWolf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call dust that only settles on certain objects??

Particular matter!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fc528e
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum...

It was only collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kameemo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I meant to just give my keyboard a quick dusting... And then I lost control.
πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shanewd40
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner

It was just gathering dust

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vamplestat666
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I fired my cleaner.

I'm glad that's done and dusted

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/northernsou
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold my vacuum cleaner today..

All it was doing was collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 104
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Apollo 11 landed in the wrong place?

The shuttle was low on fuel, so Armstrong has to take manual control of it to find them a safer place to land, landing 4 miles away from where they intended to.

The scientists behind it were very Apollo-getic.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SpiderFlash-1273
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold my vaccum cleaner today .

All it was doing was collecting dust .

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ivanshu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I sold my old vacuum cleaner...

... it sucked. All it did was gather dust.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FirstHomosapien
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve decided to sell my vacuum cleaner this week...

It’s just collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/audiomandan
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my Hoover today.

It was just collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/arcadoodles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
i recently sold my vacuum cleaner

all it was doing was gathering dust

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jayraj77
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I can get you a great deal on cremation services....

But you have to urn it.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ravanik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
It’s FINALLY October...

This means all the cobwebs and dust in my home just became Halloween decorations.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend used to clean house for a famous singer-guitar player, til he died in 2016. She then became a police investigator...

She dusted for Prince now she's dusting for prints.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who got rid of his vacuum cleaner?

It was just gathering dust.

Sorry. Won't do another vacuum joke. They suck.

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yorkshirenation
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I think I might sell my hoover

It’s just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m in a really boring geology class...

I dust can’t sand it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bach563
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to sell my roomba,

It was just collecting dust anyway.

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LittlePickleLoL
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I really upset my wife when she asked what was on the T.V.

"Dust." I said.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OliPark
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I found little pieces of food all over my bed and was dusting it off,

I honestly have no idea where it may have crumb from.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pete_the_rawdog
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Tom absolutely loves tractors

A little boy named Tom was approaching his 3rd birthday, and absolutely adored the show "Tractor Tom", partially because of his name being spoken, and partially because he loved tractors.

As the day drew nearer, his parents decided to buy him a toy tractor as a gift. The rest of his toys were gone with the wind at this point, as Tom spent all his waking hours playing with this one tractor toy.

Fast forward a few years, and Tom's now approaching his 10th birthday, with his love for tractors intact and intensified. His parents discuss what to get for him, and decide that a ride-on tractor to replace his bike is the best gift they can give him.

Tom absolutely loves the gift, and spends all of his time out of school riding around the neighbourhood while his bike collects dust in the garage.

We come forward a few more years, as Tom approaches his 18th birthday, with an only intensified adoration of tractors. His father pulls him aside on the morning of his birthday, saying "Now son, I know that we've promised you a car, but we know what you really want."

He leads him outside, to a brand new tractor with a bow on it, saying that this is his welcome to adulthood.

Tom is beyond excited, and spends the next few months going everywhere in his tractor - grocery trips, bars, classes, friends' houses.....

Again, a few years later, Tom is driving down a back country road, in the middle of nowhere, with his tractor, in the middle of a storm. The tractor breaks down, and with no air conditioning or any form of modern comforts, Tom is in a miserable mood until someone finally comes past for him to flag down for help. After this, Tom realises that although tractors are fun, maybe they're not the best transport method out there.

Tom ages through a few more years, and finds himself driving down another road in the middle of nowhere in his car, and sees a house on fire just off the road. Being a good samaritan, he pulls over and heads up the driveway to a woman running out of the house screaming "Please, help, help! My baby is trapped in there! Go and call 911, please!"

Tom turns around, then, before leaving, has a brainwave.

He turns back and walks towards the flames, saying "Don't worry, ma'am, I've got this."

He takes a deep breath in, and the fire disappears into nothingness. As you'd expect, the woman is in awe, and asks, "Oh my God, how did you do that?!"

Tom simply responds, "Well you see ma'am, I'm an extractor fan."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Asurarkt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm selling the vaccum

It's just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/killiomankili
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was dusting off my son's alarm radio and he said to me when he saw it...

You really cleaned my clock, Dad.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bingomzan
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Why was the broom late for the meeting?

He overswept.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
From my 9yo. How do you tell someone was cutting wood?

You saw-dust. (There were exaggerated winks after. And a elbow to the ribs. It was glorious)

Edit: thanks for the love: My kid asked me if I was gonna share it on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook so I said I’d share it here. He’s practicing his jokes, he said, so he can be a good big brother. He’s got a corny sense of humor and loves a good dad joke.

For the couple of you who think I pimped his joke for Karma, look outward to that speck of light in your dark life. That light is your asshole. Go that way to remove your head from from it.

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeoshua82
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
And then the fight started…

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, "What's on TV?"

I said, "Dust."

And then the fight started...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My dog ate my computer science homework

It took him a couple of bytes

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to sell my vacuum cleaner...

It was only gathering dust.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner

It was just collecting dust

πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.