Junk Puns

free of charge.

Pirate replies, "Yar, been driving me nuts."

No matter what happens with the economy, their business always seems to be picking up.

Now he is just Mu.

Dunder Mifflin this is spam

Turns out it's just a waste of thyme.

The rest of the day they walked around with a chip on thier shoulder.

My Soul got crushed.

....guess I shouldn't go to Doctors Without Hoarders......

There was a facebook post saying, "Everyone seems to have one of those drawers in their house where they just put all the random stuff that doesn't belong anywhere else. Post a picture of your junk drawer!"

So my dad took a picture of a pair of his boxers and posted it with the caption, "Here are the drawers where I keep my junk."

Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

I just don’t carrot all.

Junk food.

(credit - my daughter)

“It’s junk”

After two months of lockdown, inactivity and junk food, I have developed an antibody myself.

Because their diet is trash.

Her: "Why are you reading junk mail?"

Me: "It's not, they have real news in here too."

Her: "No they don't...."

Me: "They sure do. I was just reading about a hitman who killed 3 people. He must not have liked them much, because he did it for only $1."

Her: "Nuh-uh, you're totally lying!"

Me: "Nope, looks like the hitman was named was Arty. He choked them to death apparently. "

Her: "Let me see..."

So I showed her the section I was reading:

ARTICHOKES 3 FOR $1

I woke up exhausted.

• What do you call drugs in a saucepan? Pot.

• What do you call drugs stored inside the back of your pants? Crack.

• What do you call drugs stored in a car battery? Acid

• What do you call drugs found between 2 slabs of concrete? Crack

• What do you call drugs in a junked up or hoarded room? Meth

• What is it called when you have all the drugs you could want? Ecstacy

• What do you call someone using drugs in the top part of a house? A drug attic

They said, “Maybe you should check your junk.”

So I asked her for help clearing the junk

They both make junk disappear

His girlfriend couldn't Ci-al-is junk.

I lived in the C's.

Edit: removed junk

It was just junk mail.

I told them they would need to move all of the useless junk before I would consider buying it.

I honestly just had a dream that belongs here. At the start of the dream, I meticulously engraved the word "Over" into a knife when I started getting all these friends and old contacts telling me to leave them alone and blocking me... when I didn't say shit. I finally notice somebody is going through my contacts on all social media one at a time and just ruining friendships sending lewd photos of their junk.

I realize it's coming from my computer at home and I can't get remoted into it so I start driving home... only to get caught in a bunch of tornados. One smaller one picks me up and throws my car about 20ft knocking my wheel loose.

I limp my car away from that tornado only to find another doing like a Mexican standoff with me on the highway. I turned to the random person in my passenger seat holding up the knife and said "Wind or Loose, it'll be Over in a Flash" and I woke up. Now I feel the need to change all my passwords...

It was junk mail.

I have about 6 pairs of shoes in total (including dress shoes and flip flops).

My fiancee absolutely hates my old flip flops and old adidas samba, and conversely I love those two in particular. She has, on more than one occasion, threatened to junk them, to which I replied that she would become single.

Yesterday, our golden retriever puppy found and made short work of my flops and one adidas. My fiancee watched as I sadly marched the two pairs to the bin, but she didn't know the amount of dad she was about to face.

I dropped them in the bin, looked up at her, and said "well, they had a good run."

Explaining to her during bedtime snuggle that I'm about to make it so her bed is much higher than her little brother's...

Her- "oh like a junk bed?" Me- "no silly, it's a bunk bed" Her- "oh yeah (sheepishly), bunk bed" Snuggle a bit more Her- "do you know why it's called a bunk bed daddy?" Me- "no" Her- "because it's so high when you sit up you "bunk" your head on the ceiling" Me- hugs her tightly

This is my Thing now.

Admit it, you were expecting a picture of my junk weren't you?

...we got our ad junked.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to IKEA.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.

Tomorrow I’m taking this piece of junk back to IKEA.

Tomorrow I’m returning this piece of junk to Ikea.