When my boys were playing ball, they accused me of spraying the ball with the watering hose. I didn't spray it.

I mist it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brichouse
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw a graffiti artist spraying a police station in a thick font.

Now that is bold.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ryanooooo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
An NBA player was penalized for spraying cologne on a chicken.

It was a fragrant fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Remember the story where a woman assaulted a police officer by spraying her with breast milk?

If I were her attorney, I could get a not-guilty verdict using the First Amendment. She was exercising her freedom of expression.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Spotted_Lady
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2018
🚨︎ report
The maintenance man was spraying bug spray in the office mailbox this morning. He said he was trying to kill this spider.

I told him not to, that's where we get our webmail. He thought I was an idiot.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thedaveabides98
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2015
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth

Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweet_nut_nectar
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
I was jogging and got sprayed by a salting truck

I called the police station and said I was assaulted.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubNTugInc
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The Mama Roach asked "What will happen to us if that human sprays us with Raid?"

The Papa Roach replied "Suffocation. No breathing."

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SammDogg619
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Clearing a windscreen
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BiestjE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
My son wanted to see what would happen if he drank some of his body spray.

Now he speaks with a strange Axe scent.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BuhoBuhoGris
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
My Grandfather survived Pepper spray and Mustard gas attacks in two wars...

... And came home to us a seasoned Veteran.

Edit : To use a war pun.. " Wow, this really blew up " ...Thanks to all for contributing to this bit of fun. I feel like Granddad now with all the medals.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the soldier who got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He's a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to the shops and bought some fly spray.

Sprayed it all over me....Still can't bloody fly.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
To avoid bear attacks, carry little bells and pepper spray.

It’s also helpful to know the difference between black bear and grizzly bear dung. Black bear dung has plants and fruit material in it. Grizzly bear dung has little bells in it and smells like pepper spray.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What did chewy spray on his best friend after he climbed out of the trash compactor?

Han sanitizer

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I've invented a chloroform body spray.

Ladies are always falling for me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...

I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my wife thought she saw a cockroach in the kitchen, she sprayed everything down and cleaned thoroughly

Today I'm putting a cockroach in the bathroom

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
When you spray someone with pepper spray

Does it become assault?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JeF4y
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you all hear about the drug bust at the bug spray factory?

Police said it was the greatest Raid ever!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kremitthegorf
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œHow much does the funny smelling spray cost?”

β€œPerfume?”

β€œNo, per bottle.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jupitersmoones
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to watch her plants when I sprayed the weed killer.

I've been watching them for an hour now and I don't see what's so interesting about them.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LetterZee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I got sprayed with cheese powder.
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rayneeileen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Hornet Spray

I recently went to buy some bug spray for bee problem I had. All they had was wasp and hornet spray. So I asked the cashier if it was good for bees. She said no, it's terrible for them....

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jrwrichwood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Not to get all political in this sub, but...

Did you guys know that the guy who was recently pepper sprayed by Portland's mayor is a big dairy heir?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DieFlavourMouse
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the priest who invented a vegetable-based fragrance?

Lettuce Spray.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
It’s tough to come up with a new brand of bug spray.

You always have to start from scratch.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend was arrested by the cops for spray painting graffiti, and he tried to deny that he did it.

But the writing was on the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m addicted to ordering cheap body sprays from other countries because of the smell.

I love foreign axe scents.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Gordon Ramsay once survived a mustard-gas attack when he was in the army. Then, he got pepper-sprayed whilst at a protest.

You could say that he is relished among the cooking community, and truly a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dg_zano
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2020
🚨︎ report
So I bought a large mammal repellant spray recently, and I absolutely cannot stand the smell!

It's unbearable!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
To the water in my spray bottle:

You will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent.

Now it has no friends.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluetwo12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when someone dies from drinking insect spray?

Insecticide

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Cosmic_Kitten
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth today.

Now when I talk I have this weird axe scent.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kindlegarten
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.

Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Andrama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the solider that got hit with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He’s now a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 128
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CuteBearLegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.

Now when I talk I have this weird Axe Scent

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottspears89
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a soldier who has survived mustard gas and pepper spray?

A seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray was a seasoned veteran.
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, "Is this good for wasps?"

"No, it kills them."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walked into a hardware store, picked up a can of fly spray and asked the assistant, β€œIs this good for wasps?”

He said, β€œNo, it kills them.”

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Is insect spray good for wasps?

No, it kills them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tungur_Knivur2020
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
🚨︎ report
a soldier once survived pepper spray and mustard gas

he was a seasoned veteran

πŸ‘︎ 366
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Galeelo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report

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