My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him “Fuck that.”

I’m doing these prostate exams my way.

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👤︎ u/WitnessChemical
📅︎ Mar 20 2020
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So my dad joked my mum...

My dad is a night owl and my mum is an early bird, meaning he has a good few hours to plot and scheme his dadjokes...

Well the other evening, he decided to scare the living daylights out of my mum by drawing a face on a melon, stuffing it in a hoodie with rubber-gloves, shoes and jeans and posed it in our morning room.

Now my mum gets up real early, and walks around the house in a grumpy daze, grumbling, scratching and squinting and whatnot with a grim face looking for something to nag about, so you can imagine the sheer pride he (probably) felt wrapped up in bed with that dumb dadjoke grin from his "Hilarious prank", to hear a loud "AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" coming from across the hall.

Needless to say i'm pretty sure she found something to nag about that morning.

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👤︎ u/Jacquamarine
📅︎ Apr 27 2014
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My dad owns a Derringer

And he keeps it in a rubber glove. Whenever he shows to somebody, they just have to ask why it's in a rubber glove.

"Oh, because it's a handgun".

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👤︎ u/tbe170
📅︎ Apr 11 2014
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