From my 9 year old son: Dad, what hand do you wipe your bum with? Me: My right hand......
Response: EEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR, I use toilet paper.
Well played, boy.
Movie pitch: A pandemic is unleashed by ticks that live on and around the mouths of alpacas. Global chaos ensues as the disease wipes out 99% of humanity.
Desperate survivors are forced to live in a post-alpaca lip tick wasteland.
What type of math equation do you need to do to wipe your butt?
Multi-ply
What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?
Kilted Northern
A man has to poop and has no toilet paper his friend says to wipe with a dollar. He comes back with poop on his fingers...." Why is there poop on your fingers"
" it's hard to wipe with 3 quarters 2 dimes and a nickel"
You can always tell how good a dad is, by how many baby wipes they use
3 wipes: rookie dad, hasn't figured it out yet
2 wipes: getting there, but still a noob
1 wipe: master dad
0 wipes: not a very good dad.
An avalanche has started on Mount Everest that threatens to wipe out 20% of its surrounding area.
This is snow joke.
How do blind people wipe their butts?
With toilet paper, like everyone else!
The question was: "How do people with extremely long fake nails properly wipe their butts after pooping? Saw someone struggling to type on their phone today with those bad boys"
My colleague invented a machine that would steal other people’s ideas, and wipe them off the subject’s memory.
Why didn’t I think of that?
I always wipe my mouth before I lie down.
I'm nap-kin.
Having to wipe with a hemorrhoid is a pain in the ass.
This flu season, doctors are recommending you wipe your throat down with tissues.
Apparently they're synonymous with clean necks
What do you call it when you wipe your derrier with a Sham Wow?
Shampoo
My youngest needed a diaper change, so my wife called down from upstairs, "Can you throw up some wipes?"
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Which hand do you wipe with?
'Cause, I don't use my hands, I use toilet paper.
What hand do you wipe with?
Ugghhhh I use toilet paper.
