I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.

I'll call it Little Seizures.

πŸ‘︎ 440
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Shake well before consuming

Contents may have settled, started a family, and proliferated in the container.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Camo5
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I've just spilled my protein shake all over myself....

....and all I'm saying is...a donut would never do this to me.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Kid: It’s hot as hell in here. Dad, can get a protein shake?

Dad: There’s no whey in hell.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stchrysostom
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call Spider-Man when his hands shake all the time?

Peter Parkinson

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uniformbreak320
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Skeleton shake
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoxTrot2712
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The lights went out at the gym, and the bodybuilders were fumbling around for their protein shakes...

Just couldn't find their whey in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Shake Sphere
πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What lies on the ocean floor and shakes?

A nervous wreak.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeskiePete
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I noticed my dog starting to shake every time he barked, so I took him to the vet.

She confirmed my worst fears. Diagnosis: Barkinson's disease.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimBobBoBubba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My 6 month old son has his first milk shake today.

My wife was breastfeeding him during the earthquake.

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/goconrad
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you make a mango shake?

You take it to a scary movie.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BadPanda666
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a coffee shop, goes the counter and asks, β€œSo what’s the special?” The barista shakes her head, β€œI can’t tell you, it’s a secret.”

The man frowns. β€œWhat do you mean it’s a secret? What’s the special today? Is it a latte?”

The barista shakes her head.

β€œA mocha?”

She shakes her head again.

β€œOh, come on! Tell me! A cappuccino?”

She shakes her head.

β€œAn affogato?”

She shakes her head.

The man is getting frustrated at this point. β€œCan you at least give me a clue!?”

The barista thinks for a moment, then points at a jar on the counter. β€œOk, the special is in this jar.”

β€œWhat is it?”

β€œI can’t tell you. It’s a secret.”

The man, enraged at this point, tries to grab the jar.

The barista grabs it too.

They fight for control and the man wretches it away only for the jar to fall on the ground and its contents spill out onto the floor.

The man stares, β€œIt’s just been normal coffee this whole time?!”

The barista shrugs, β€œI guess you spilled the beans.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Will(yam) shake(spear)
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/frogGuardian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I had pizza that made me shake a bit.

It was from Little Seizures.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsKilLikeMine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Shakes on a plane!
πŸ‘︎ 860
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/50yardscreamer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2017
🚨︎ report
Shake It Off by Taylor Swift (Harry Potter cover)
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sombez
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Shake Sphere
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GayTaco_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad goes to Mexican restaurants and shakes the empty chip container like a peddling homeless man and says : "Chips for the poor favor"

He does it to this day and laughs every time, my sister and mother have chosen to start ignoring that type of behavior which makes it funnier to me

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_var_log_messages
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2015
🚨︎ report
How do you make milk shake?

By scaring it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DarkDeathDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I hate when homeless people shake their coin cups at me.

I get it you have more money than me... There's no reason to brag about it.

πŸ‘︎ 138
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fukhed69
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...

Go to bed. You've got the flu.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A squirrel is sitting on a branch in a pine tree when suddenly he feels the whole tree begin to shake violently.

He looks down and sees that a full-grown elephant is slowly clambering up the tree. When the elephant finally reaches the branch the squirrel asks, "Why on earth did you climb up into this pine tree?!"

The elephant then says, "I came up here to eat some pears, of course."

The squirrel, completely shocked at the elephant's ignorance, exclaims, "You elephants don't know the first thing about trees! This is a PINE tree, there are no pears here."

The elephant then explains, "Oh, I know, I brought my own."

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RhapsodicRaven
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What sits on the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HS_HolyShnikes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Our rap/rock band in high school was named β€œThe Shake Machine.”

Because β€œThe Shake Machine” is ALWAYS down.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/M-comment
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife made a PB&J protein shake and asked what I thought. I suggested she add regular kitchen spices.

Then she could have peanut butter jelly thyme!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aardvark1292
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Somebody offered me a protein shake

But I said no whey.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oy-Law
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Have you ever wondered why it’s better to shake paint instead of stirring?

Because this way, it will bond better

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm baffled at the fact that my cat always shakes (my hand) when I ask her to.

She always gives me paws.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImurderREALITY
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2018
🚨︎ report
Why do people shake sugar packets before opening them?

Because it would be dumb to shake them afterwards.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ItalianBall
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
My grandfather made sure I inherited his protein shake collection.

Where there’s a will, there is a whey.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
🚨︎ report
What lays at the bottom of the sea and shakes?

A nervous wreck

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pluripotense
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I really can’t stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.

Do they really have to rub it in that they’ve got more cash than I do?

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife gave our daughter two seasoning jars to play with while she cooked dinner, and said "here shake these", to which I replied,

"Hey, she literally is shaking what her momma gave her"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImagiantTrex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"

I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.

πŸ‘︎ 321
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to bring her home a protein shake.

I said "No whey"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/philandy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My chihuahua shakes a lot, so I took him to the vet's and asked...

"Does he have Barkinsons disease?"

(Note, my wife got really mad about this joke. Apparently the dogs are off-limits)

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Finally taught my dog to shake!

http://i.imgur.com/0hNZ17x.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CandysaurusRex
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2016
🚨︎ report
Is it ok that I drank my expired protein shake this morning?

The worrying has really been wheying on me.

I'll see myself out.

edit: a word

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigDB
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
🚨︎ report
Hey baby, are you a protein shake?

Because I'd sure like to have my whey with you.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/derpulia
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2015
🚨︎ report
My Shake Weight came in the mail today!

Boy, was that a mess.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kopo27
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2011
🚨︎ report
My son tried to make me drink his protein shake

I said 'no whey!'

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hiircine
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2015
🚨︎ report
Made the cashier's head shake..

Cashier: wow it's really raining hard outside like a monsoon!! Me: yeah I know! It was bound to happen monsooner or monlater!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orkenbjorken
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2014
🚨︎ report
The waitress asks, "Would you like a shake with that?"

dad replies, "No, you can just walk it out."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mm0k
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2013
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.