Fend Puns

Mom after the subject of dinner came up: "There's some Mexican in the fridge" My dad, with a look of shock, exclaims: "We better call the police then" My mother's face went from one of confusion, to realization, then one of much annoyance

My father in law is a vegetarian. Apparently at one point he was at the grocery store and a lady there was giving out samples of meatballs or something.

Woman: Would you like a sample?

Father in law: No thanks, I'm a vegetarian.

Woman (not giving up): It's low sodium!

Father in law: Well, I'm still a vegetarian, and I would have to put salt on it.

But it got shot down

My SO was telling me about this tree in her neighbor's yard that has little birds fall out of it every year and that they're not able to fend for their selves. The conversation then follows

Me: Must be hard for the birds being in a bad school district.

Her: What do you mean?

Me: The neighborhood has a terrible dropout rate.

She: rolls eyes