Neutralize Puns

I told her she told us a lye

LSD is also known as acid, bass sounds same as base, in chemistry acid and base neutralize each other

You give it a transplantation

You drop acid and touch base!

Yellow, because they certainly seem to color the furniture in it a lot.

My mom likes pulling straight into park spots. My dad prefers to back in. I don't care. I'm Neutral

Date: So, what do you do?

Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.

He asked about the neutral wire.

I said "don't worry, its just a phase."

...but it was leaning too far right!

Has anyone else noticed how people either LOVE or HATE Swiss cheese? It like there’s no Gruyere-ea...

Thanks in advance to u/entrinao for suggesting this subreddit to me :)

Swiss.

The bartender replies "For you? No charge."

Snowballs

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

How am I supposed to catch fish now?

all thanks to ashit pie

He graduated with his Ph7.

I called her a happy medium.

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

He wasn't all the way evil, Just Mid-Evil

We are trying to convert a standard restroom in a state-owned building on our campus to be gender neutral.

Boss: "Unfortunately, state law says we need to get approval from the bathroom folks in the state capital."

Me: "That could take some time...I hear they are all backed up."

Because he conditioned it.

They are all free speech!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!

The first one stops and says 'Oh, no! I think i've lost an electron!" The second one says 'are you sure?' The first one says 'Yeah, I'm positive'

I'm neutral but the flag is a big plus.

My dad and I do asbestos removal on natural gas pipelines. The people we were working for were debating if they needed us to stick around for them to expose another pipe or not. They decided that we could just come back another day. My dad then says to the guys in his fake southern twang he puts on every time we work outside of Chicago, "It's a dang good thing you guys decided against us staying. My truck seems to work fine during the Day, but every time I shift to N for night time mode it doesn't seem to want to go anywhere. I'd hate to get stuck out here." All of the older guys loved it and I just stared and shook my head.

Kid’s book says water has a PH of 7, it is neutral. I always thought it is basic.

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"

On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.

It's Dinner time-

3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).

Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."

3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."

edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.

Because Mojang stole Mein Kraft

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

Feeling neutral about it.

InterNiet

Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".

The worst part is she didn't even laugh.

They're always in neutral.

P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*

Net neutrality

Well, the flag is a big plus.

You could say i'm neutral.

I’m neutral about them.

You know, neutral. Without an Ion