My health science teacher said to drink milk to neutralize the acid in bleach

I told her she told us a lye

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaerat_of_trivia
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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If you take LSD by accident listen to some dubstep, bass will neutralize the acid

LSD is also known as acid, bass sounds same as base, in chemistry acid and base neutralize each other

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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How do you make a plant gender neutral?

You give it a transplantation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larsmeimei
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
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How do you make sure your drug deals remain perfectly neutral?

You drop acid and touch base!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PiRRoundNotSquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
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Germany was neutral I swear
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timfreemints
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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A cats favorite color is...

Yellow, because they certainly seem to color the furniture in it a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Park it over it here

My mom likes pulling straight into park spots. My dad prefers to back in. I don't care. I'm Neutral

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πŸ‘€︎ u/myska707
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
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*On a date*

Date: So, what do you do?

Me: * holds up menu * you just pick one from this picture book of meals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niyi_M
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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The wife looked concerned when my son showed an interest in electricals at the age of 5.

He asked about the neutral wire.

I said "don't worry, its just a phase."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/d3adeyeduck
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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The Tower of Pisa was trying hard to remain politically neutral...

...but it was leaning too far right!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2019
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No neutrality...

Has anyone else noticed how people either LOVE or HATE Swiss cheese? It like there’s no Gruyere-ea...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theeggman1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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A seal is just a neutral sea lion. Neutral, as in without the ion.

Thanks in advance to u/entrinao for suggesting this subreddit to me :)

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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Do you think they have Gendry-neutral toilets at Game of Thrones conventions?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reinierblob
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
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What kind of cheese is the most neutral?

Swiss.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xevetv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "how much?"

The bartender replies "For you? No charge."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MahiraMalik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2020
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What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman

Snowballs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/memerman09
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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What’s the best thing about Switzerland?

I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timmorris82
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2020
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All this talk of net neutrality has me worried...

How am I supposed to catch fish now?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellzdoms
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2018
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Can't believe we lost net neutrality

all thanks to ashit pie

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hog333
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
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Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?

He graduated with his Ph7.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HardcoreHugs
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
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My fortune teller told me she was feeling somewhere between elated and neutral

I called her a happy medium.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/equinstarbeat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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My Dad: Calm down about this net neutrality thing . . .

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lostinasense
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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Did you hear about the Neutral-Evil Knight?

He wasn't all the way evil, Just Mid-Evil

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2017
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Me and my mother-in-law's relationship in a nut shell.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/usdsquare
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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Gender Neutral Bathroom

We are trying to convert a standard restroom in a state-owned building on our campus to be gender neutral.

Boss: "Unfortunately, state law says we need to get approval from the bathroom folks in the state capital."

Me: "That could take some time...I hear they are all backed up."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gocards2579
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2017
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Why was Pavlov's hair so soft?

Because he conditioned it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WKBX
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What do talks, lectures and jokes on Reddit all have in common?

They are all free speech!

https://www.battleforthenet.com/

Stop the FCC from removing net neutrality!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/caleb7m
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2017
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Two electrons are walking down the street

The first one stops and says 'Oh, no! I think i've lost an electron!" The second one says 'are you sure?' The first one says 'Yeah, I'm positive'

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oxfordthethird
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
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How do you feel about Switzerland?

I'm neutral but the flag is a big plus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueshoegoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Drive And Neutral

My dad and I do asbestos removal on natural gas pipelines. The people we were working for were debating if they needed us to stick around for them to expose another pipe or not. They decided that we could just come back another day. My dad then says to the guys in his fake southern twang he puts on every time we work outside of Chicago, "It's a dang good thing you guys decided against us staying. My truck seems to work fine during the Day, but every time I shift to N for night time mode it doesn't seem to want to go anywhere. I'd hate to get stuck out here." All of the older guys loved it and I just stared and shook my head.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haines28
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2015
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Homeschooling

Kid’s book says water has a PH of 7, it is neutral. I always thought it is basic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xayjha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2020
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Whipped this one out at work

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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The anticipation...

I'm an elementary school teacher. When kids tell me they're tired, hungry etc, I often give the typical "hi hungry, I'm Adam response"

On Friday a first grader came to me at recess and said "I'm bored!" I said "ok". She looked confused, then flustered, then blurted out "...nice to meet you Adam!" and ran away to play on the swings.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HosstownRodriguez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2016
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Dad joked a 3 year old, got Dad joked back.

It's Dinner time-

3y.o.: "Papa you spoon." ( which translates to - please feed me).

Me: "You spoon, I'm busy forking."

3y.o.: "Papa, fork yourself."

edit- Thank you for all the love. Forgot to mention the 3y.o. in question is a she.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/F0dd3r
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2014
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Why would Hitler hate gamers?

Because Mojang stole Mein Kraft

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RandomGuyDoes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
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I'm trying to decide if I like swiss cheese..

Feeling neutral about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelweb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
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What is the russian word for internet malfunction?

InterNiet

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πŸ‘€︎ u/akrut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
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I work at Subway

Yesterday a lady was wondering what type of cheese she should put on her sub so I recommended the Swiss cheese because, as I put it, "The Swiss cheese is always really neutral".

The worst part is she didn't even laugh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Admiral_Sarcasm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2014
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Why are there no winning race car drivers from Switzerland?

They're always in neutral.

P.S. Made a joke similar to this about a coworker who is runner from Switzerland. He actually groaned.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tigger3370
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2019
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As a swiss tennis player, do you think Roger Federer is a fan of...

Net neutrality

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrRou
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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What are the advantages of living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vallendusk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2017
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I don't like or dislike manual transmission vehicles.

You could say i'm neutral.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OleDetour
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2017
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So, car jokes.

I’m neutral about them.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2018
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I feel like a seal is just a neutral sea lion.

You know, neutral. Without an Ion

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elroe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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