Kid: Dad, what's the opposite of isolate?

Dad: Yousoearly

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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/shafiqueg
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 11 2020
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Did you hear the lead singer of disturbed isnโ€™t going to self isolate?

Heโ€™s down with the sickness.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 28
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/E-radi-cate
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 28 2020
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I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"

but I'm only getting fatter.

-My dad

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Zatosu_
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 24 2020
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My daughter asked me what the opposite of isolate is.

I told her yousoearly

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 86
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/den_nis3524
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 21 2020
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I have to self-isolate for 7 days

That's week

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/banks987
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 01 2020
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Think Iโ€™ll self-isolate in my tent..

Just call me Tentinโ€™ Quarantino.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/tab232
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 31 2020
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To escape the Coronavirus, I wish Iโ€™d had time to isolate myself on Noman.

Noman is an island.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Konamicoder
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 28 2020
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What do you call a healthcare worker that doesnโ€™t self-isolate after contracting COVID-19?

A hippocritic oaf.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Phaedruswine
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 18 2020
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Iโ€™ve been self isolating with coronavirus

Above all, Iโ€™ve found it tough to stay positive.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Charlietd76
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 02 2020
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What do you call a 13 year old muslim stuck in self isolation?

A Qur'anteen

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/amethhead
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 19 2020
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Isolation madness product
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/VitaminKW
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 05 2020
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Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santaโ€™s workshop?

Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/trendfoll
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 18 2020
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โ€œFrom a neighbor who posts dad jokes on little signs in his front yard. Started during the isolation to cheer up the communityโ€

โ€œCOVID19 DAY20

Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.

Iโ€™ll let you knowโ€

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 88
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/zomida
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 05 2020
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Now that people are isolated and bored they make a lot more dad jokes

It's a true pundemic

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 35
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/12DaK12
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 25 2020
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What do you call a self isolating director

Quentin Quarantino

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheBiggestCheese1773
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 24 2020
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Why did you keep working for mail service when everyone was isolating?

It's not the money, it's about the message.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/slcikdeaaal
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 25 2020
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Self isolation is getting so bad Iโ€™m starting to crush on my roommate.

And weโ€™ve been married more than 27 years!

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 58
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Agonda12
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 22 2020
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Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?

Because he has Santa-bodies.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/BeefEater81
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 11 2020
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How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?

By santatising

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/0lSherlockl0
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 08 2020
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Elf isolation #COVID19 #Coronavirus
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/YourDadsMumComedy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 19 2020
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I grew a beard in isolation and I asked my daughter "Should I shave my beard?โ€œ she said "No Dad, it's grown on me"

I said "Funnily enough it's grown on me too!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 13
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/NerdonSight
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 17 2020
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Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning

Itโ€™s completely safe with ะธo side effects whatsoeveั, and im currently feelshฮบฮน ฯ‡oฯoshฯŒ ั ั‡ัƒะฒัั‚ะฒัƒัŽ ัะตะฑั ะฝะตะผะฝะพะณะพ ัั‚ั€ะฐะฝะฝะพ ะธ ั ะดัƒะผะฐัŽ, ั‡ั‚ะพ ะฒั‹ั‚ะฐั‰ะธะป ะพัะปะธะฝั‹ะต ัƒัˆะธ.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 105
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/neo-1000
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 17 2020
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During this virus outbreak, I'll be isolated with my bottles of booze.

I call it my... liqourantine.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/TheSygil
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 22 2020
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What do you steep while in self-isolation?

A quaran-tea

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/cehrei
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 21 2020
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Two sick Caskets in a Coronavirus isolation ward. One says to the other...

...was that you Coffin ?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/HugoZHackenbush2
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Feb 17 2020
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Daughter: "Can Santa catch the coronavirus?"

Me: "Probably not, he's really good at elf-isolation"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/calmdownboosterseat
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 10 2020
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Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Reddnvb
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22 2020
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If you like remote, isolated vacations, do not go to Rio de Janeiro.

There's a Brazilian people there.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/mrthatsthat
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jun 03 2018
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The governor banned gatherings of more than eighteen crows.

Theyโ€™re supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/sgri0b
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 23 2020
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If you have isolated bug bites

Are they considered troglobites?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/alyxthekid
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Aug 29 2017
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Why did Santa get coronavirus

He wasnโ€™t elf isolating.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/DecentFisherman3
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 30 2020
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Pants...

or as professionals call it: leg isolation

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/superheld595
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 09 2019
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Which type of weather is best suited to a pandemic?

Isolated showers.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Koala_J
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Apr 19 2020
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Electricians during this rough period...

Just as a matter of interest will Electricians be "self isolating" under the "current" situation and staying at "Ohm" ?

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/andyginn12
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 18 2020
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I asked my priest for advice

My buddy has a bad back so I often go over his house to help his wife with yard work or moving furniture, etc. Currently, were all home because of the quarantine so it seems like the perfect time to get some things done.

Well, I've been isolated for a week and I have no reason to think I've been exposed, but I was a little anxious cause I have had a bit of a scratchy throat these past two days.

So I asked my priest if he thought it was okay to go over and help my buddy's wife with some yard work.

He replied, "do not covid your neighbors wife."

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/RangerHikes
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 22 2020
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There is no whey I will do a protein joke.

Might get isolated

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/kishenoy
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 28 2019
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I've just had a huge argument with my wife due to being stuck with her in lockdown at home...

Thankfully, it's just an isolated incident.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Sgtbuckles
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 24 2020
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Sticky situation youtu.be/U_YBzJBa_mA
๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/norspur
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Nov 28 2018
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Why was the variable so lonely?

Because everyone isolated them

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/magictreehousekid
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Mar 04 2019
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Old joke, my daughter loved it.

A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.

The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."

The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.

The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 239
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/jimvoluntaryist
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Sep 22 2013
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What happens to photographers when they make bad puns all the time?

They get ISOlated

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/akol404
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Dec 07 2014
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What is the opposite of isolate?

Yousoearly

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 1k
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/Fanoran
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ Jul 23 2020
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Whatโ€™s the opposite of isolate?

Yousoearly.

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 189
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/badboiiii707
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 21 2020
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The opposite of isolate is....

yousoearly

๐Ÿ‘๏ธŽ 33
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๐Ÿ‘ค๏ธŽ u/ht-18
๐Ÿ“…๏ธŽ May 03 2020
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