Kid: Dad, what's the opposite of isolate?
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Did you hear the lead singer of disturbed isnβt going to self isolate?
Heβs down with the sickness.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
I thought we're supposed to isolate in order to "flatten the curve,"
but I'm only getting fatter.
-My dad
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︎ Mar 24 2020
My daughter asked me what the opposite of isolate is.
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︎ Mar 21 2020
I have to self-isolate for 7 days
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︎ May 01 2020
Think Iβll self-isolate in my tent..
Just call me Tentinβ Quarantino.
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︎ Mar 31 2020
To escape the Coronavirus, I wish Iβd had time to isolate myself on Noman.
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︎ Mar 28 2020
What do you call a healthcare worker that doesnβt self-isolate after contracting COVID-19?
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︎ Mar 18 2020
Iβve been self isolating with coronavirus
Above all, Iβve found it tough to stay positive.
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What do you call a 13 year old muslim stuck in self isolation?
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︎ Aug 19 2020
Isolation madness product
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︎ May 05 2020
Did you hear that less toys have been made this year in Santaβs workshop?
Many of his workers had to Elf Isolate.
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︎ Dec 18 2020
βFrom a neighbor who posts dad jokes on little signs in his front yard. Started during the isolation to cheer up the communityβ
βCOVID19 DAY20
Ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
Iβll let you knowβ
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︎ Apr 05 2020
Now that people are isolated and bored they make a lot more dad jokes
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︎ Apr 25 2020
What do you call a self isolating director
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︎ May 24 2020
Why did you keep working for mail service when everyone was isolating?
It's not the money, it's about the message.
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︎ Jun 25 2020
Self isolation is getting so bad Iβm starting to crush on my roommate.
And weβve been married more than 27 years!
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︎ Mar 22 2020
Why doesn't Santa Claus have to worry about catching COVID-19?
Because he has Santa-bodies.
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︎ Dec 11 2020
How does Santa Clause prevent himself from getting coronavirus?
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︎ Dec 08 2020
Elf isolation #COVID19 #Coronavirus
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︎ Mar 19 2020
I grew a beard in isolation and I asked my daughter "Should I shave my beard?β she said "No Dad, it's grown on me"
I said "Funnily enough it's grown on me too!"
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︎ Apr 17 2020
Letting you all know that I've volunteered for the Russian vaccine trials held here in Melbourne. I received my first shot at 9.00 am this morning
Itβs completely safe with ΠΈo side effects whatsoeveΡ, and im currently feelshΞΊΞΉ ΟoΟoshΟ Ρ ΡΡΠ²ΡΡΠ²ΡΡ ΡΠ΅Π±Ρ Π½Π΅ΠΌΠ½ΠΎΠ³ΠΎ ΡΡΡΠ°Π½Π½ΠΎ ΠΈ Ρ Π΄ΡΠΌΠ°Ρ, ΡΡΠΎ Π²ΡΡΠ°ΡΠΈΠ» ΠΎΡΠ»ΠΈΠ½ΡΠ΅ ΡΡΠΈ.
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︎ Sep 17 2020
During this virus outbreak, I'll be isolated with my bottles of booze.
I call it my... liqourantine.
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︎ Mar 22 2020
What do you steep while in self-isolation?
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︎ Mar 21 2020
Two sick Caskets in a Coronavirus isolation ward. One says to the other...
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︎ Feb 17 2020
Daughter: "Can Santa catch the coronavirus?"
Me: "Probably not, he's really good at elf-isolation"
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︎ Dec 10 2020
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.
Turns out it was an isolated incident.
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︎ Sep 22 2020
If you like remote, isolated vacations, do not go to Rio de Janeiro.
There's a Brazilian people there.
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︎ Jun 03 2018
The governor banned gatherings of more than eighteen crows.
Theyβre supposed to isolate themselves from corvid nineteen.
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︎ Mar 23 2020
If you have isolated bug bites
Are they considered troglobites?
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︎ Aug 29 2017
Why did Santa get coronavirus
He wasnβt elf isolating.
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︎ Apr 30 2020
Pants...
or as professionals call it: leg isolation
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︎ Jul 09 2019
Which type of weather is best suited to a pandemic?
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︎ Apr 19 2020
Electricians during this rough period...
Just as a matter of interest will Electricians be "self isolating" under the "current" situation and staying at "Ohm" ?
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︎ Mar 18 2020
I asked my priest for advice
My buddy has a bad back so I often go over his house to help his wife with yard work or moving furniture, etc. Currently, were all home because of the quarantine so it seems like the perfect time to get some things done.
Well, I've been isolated for a week and I have no reason to think I've been exposed, but I was a little anxious cause I have had a bit of a scratchy throat these past two days.
So I asked my priest if he thought it was okay to go over and help my buddy's wife with some yard work.
He replied, "do not covid your neighbors wife."
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︎ Mar 22 2020
There is no whey I will do a protein joke.
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︎ Dec 28 2019
I've just had a huge argument with my wife due to being stuck with her in lockdown at home...
Thankfully, it's just an isolated incident.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
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︎ Nov 28 2018
Why was the variable so lonely?
Because everyone isolated them
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︎ Mar 04 2019
Old joke, my daughter loved it.
A trio of explorers were hiking through the Congo and found a small village that was very isolated and not on any map. The villagers turned out to speak English very well, and informed the adventurers very politely that theirs was a village of cannibals and they were to be cooked and eaten, and their hides tanned and turned into canoes for the villagers, but they would allow them to take their own life however they saw fit.
The first man asks for a sharp knife, slices his wrists open, and mutters "Lay me down and bleed a while, and ne'er up again."
The second man asks for his revolver, says "For God and Country!" and shoots himself in the head.
The last man asks for a fork, and stabs himself repeatedly screaming "Fuck your canoe!"
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︎ Sep 22 2013
What happens to photographers when they make bad puns all the time?
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︎ Dec 07 2014
What is the opposite of isolate?
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︎ Jul 23 2020
Whatβs the opposite of isolate?
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︎ May 21 2020
The opposite of isolate is....
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︎ May 03 2020
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