A friend and I were trading sponge puns... (Hint: I really milked it)
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jank_Tank
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2016
🚨︎ report
I once knew an arrogant sponge

He was very self absorbed

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Why are sponges such good listeners?

Because they soak up everything.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reach_Greatness
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?

"

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
🚨︎ report
it's a sponge cake
πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shapkael
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2019
🚨︎ report
How do sponges talk to the devil?

They use a squeegee board.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ethanholmes2001
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why was the sponge so rude?

Because it was so self-absorbed!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andye2801
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I was washing the car with my son, until he said β€œcan’t you just use a sponge”
πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lafleur2017
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
🚨︎ report
These guys broke into my house and stole everything except for my soap, my hand sanitizer, and my sponges.

Dirty bastards

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaDaBeast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a distant shower sponge?

Aloofah

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOnionKerniggit
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2018
🚨︎ report
My costume is a bunch of sponges pinned to my shirt

I’m self absorbed

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/topderp1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What did one sponge say to the other sponge?

Nothing. They were too aloofa.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/amhayesing
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that Sponge Bob broke up with his girlfriend?

He's back to square one.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hajduken
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the bath sponge have trouble making friends?

He was a loofah.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wigglewam
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
🚨︎ report
I was washing my car with my friend,

Until they said, β€˜can’t you just use a sponge?’

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pipoca-queimada
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26
🚨︎ report
One day, a father was washing a car with his son...

The son asks, "why can't we just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Funny-Promise956
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
A suspected Covid-19 male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

A young student female nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her, and says very slowly,

"Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very, very, closely:

"Are - my - test - results - back?"

πŸ‘︎ 251
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RabbitHODL
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Been out washing the car with my son.

He said Dad why don’t you use a sponge like the other dads?

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
I actually struggled at first
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DustyyDoggo
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A father was outside washing his car with his son

The son asks: "Dad, can't we just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ba71905
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
A man washed his car with his son.

His son said: dad, can’t you just use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UselessCentipede
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.

He said: "dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 112
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PiyushR66
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
A dad was washing his car with his son.

After a while, the son turned to his dad and said "Hey Dad, why can't we just use a sponge ?"

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
🚨︎ report
I don't know if this is a Dad joke or just plain appalling...

I was in the kitchen with John Lennon about to do the dishes and I turned to him and said:

"Right John, I've got my washing up basin, sponges, hot water, the dishes themselves of course...is that it am I ready to go? Do I need anything else?"

And John turned to me and said-

>!"All you need is glove!<

>!All you need is glove,!<

>!All you need is glove,glove!<

>!Glove is all you need"!<

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WeeHootieMctoo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
A dad was washing his car with his son when the son said

β€œDad, can you please use the sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PolkaDottedFork
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks......

"Dad , can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/razorblade3711
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
🚨︎ report
How deep would the ocean be...

If it didn't have sponges

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad is washing his car with his son.

The son says: "Dad, can't you use a sponge"?

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ben_Zedd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad was washing his car with his son.

The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 183
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/One_Day_Dead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Me: Is the dishwasher dirty?

Dad: No...
Me: puts plate in sink
Dad: ...but the dishes inside are.
Me: moves plate to dishwasher

(Edit: formatting)

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dj_rogers
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I was washing my car with my daughter the other day

and she asked β€œDad, why don’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
-Dad, can I wash the car with you?

-I don't know son, why can't you just use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 120
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Cray_z8
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
A Father is washing his car with his son...

When his son says... Dad, can you just use a sponge!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is washing his car with his son. The son says...

Why can’t you just use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemerle1775
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Really dad

So my name is Bob and my dad just came in handed me a sponge and said spongebob

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobthespud420
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
The Blitz of Puns

It really grinds my gears when people say stick-shift is obsolete.

Most people like their music bass-boosted, but it seems like too much treble.

When an astronaut drinks tea, he takes a big space-sip.

The best electricity puns are live wires. Coppers really don’t know how to resist these in a coil. If you make enough of this type of pun you can really blow their fuses. You need to be smart about how you conduct these so you don’t overload your capacitors.

The only kind of rap I like is the wrapping paper on gifts.

Scissors always cut to the point.

Airplane puns always fly overhead. You have to be careful so you don’t stall out. Always use better judgement so you nose how to dive. When used correctly, this pun classification can really propel to infinity and beyond. However, if misused, the fall from grace is full of turbulence.

When working with electricity puns always make sure to be grounded to prevent shocking results.

Mr. Tea says, ”Don’t be a fool, stay in school!”

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zmanofdoom95
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
So you’re tellin me a shrimp fried this rice?!
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/droopydrip1007
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad is washing car with his son...

The son says β€œcan’t you just use a sponge?!”

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Electrokid08
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife said I need to spend more time with our kids.

My car was dirty so I decided at the weekend I would wash the car with my youngest son.

After only 5 minutes the cheeky bastard asked if we could use a sponge instead.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reckless_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The other day I was washing the car with my son

He asked me why I couldn’t just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dillonwbell65
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
**Dad:** Hey M, did you hear about that kidnapping? (my little sisters name is Emma, everyone calls her M for short)

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

  • I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

  • I really love my family. Lol

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked Siri a for Father’s Day joke:

I was washing a car with my friend, when he said, β€œcan’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noel_Fletcher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
There was man named Demitri who lived in Russia....

Throughout his whole life he was just fascinated with trains. Specifically passenger cars. He would enjoy going on trips with his family.

Demitri grew up and decided to make it his career. Unfortunately the difficult life he had from bullies pushed him towards the bottle and turned him to an alcoholic.

One late night in his shift he wrecked the train killing 10 people. When the courts found out he was drunk while operating they charged him with murder and sentenced him to the electric chair. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. When his time came the executioner strapped him to chair and asked for any last words. He simply said, "No." The pulled the lever and to everyone's amazement he was unharmed. The government saw this as an act of God and released him.

Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. Unfortunately bad habits are not easy to quit and he was still an alcoholic. These trains were his only happiness. Unfortunately it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jms199456
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife suggested I wash the car with our son

I told her a sponge would be better.

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xwhy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2018
🚨︎ report
A skeleton walks into a bar.

"One jar of milk, and a sponge please."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arklaw
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
🚨︎ report
A man is washing his car with his son

His son says "dad, why can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 141
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1stringham
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad gave me this after my criminal record got expunged. imgur.com/ISEGtLr
πŸ‘︎ 857
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2013
🚨︎ report
I was washing the car with my son today, when he asked me...

β€œDad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I was washing the car with my son, when he looked up at me and said...

β€œDad, can’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad washes car with his son

Son: Can't you use a sponge?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_neo21_
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
🚨︎ report
A father was washing the car with his son

The son said, "dad, can't we use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 44
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brad-corp
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2017
🚨︎ report
We're watching our spending habits lately

"I have to buy sponges over at the dollar store."

"That's a cost we can absorb."

Guess I should have her pick up a pregnancy test, too.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sevenfootwingspan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2016
🚨︎ report
If you added frogs to a tank of Nemos, would you have.....

.... a bunch of nematodes.

This one was said by my father when we were visiting an aquarium with my wife and kids. We just finished looking at a tank with a few dozen clown fish. Unfortunately, I had no idea what a nematode was. My 8 year old son then proceeded to educate me what he learned from sponge bob.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BigDildo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad while watching Spongebob with my son.

Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if it didn't have all those sponges in it.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crash4
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2013
🚨︎ report
Dad, how does our new self-cleaning oven work? I don't see anything different...

You didn't know? All ovens are self cleaning!

throws me a sponge

Clean it yourSELF.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/turrican
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2014
🚨︎ report
A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?

"

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is washing the car with his son. The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?

"

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: *washing car with son* Son: Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?
πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Willybob9995
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2018
🚨︎ report
A man is washing the car with his son.

The son asks...... "Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 168
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/howiewu0402
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
So a dad was washing his car with his son

The son asks the dad, β€œDad, why can’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18
🚨︎ report
Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.

He said: "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orduk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
I was washing the car with a friend

Until they said, β€œCan’t you just use a sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juhaodbrokule
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I was washing the car with my son

He said "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/benboyer0430
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
A man is washing his car with his son. The son asks,

"Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notwutiwantd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2017
🚨︎ report
A man is washing his car with his son.

The son asks, "Dad, can't you just use a sponge?"

πŸ‘︎ 247
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/QuiteIngenious
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I was washing my car with my son

He said β€œcan’t you just use the sponge?”

πŸ‘︎ 76
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jtrad_24
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad: *washing car with son*

Son: Dad, can't you just use a sponge ?

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GodMustafi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A dad was washing his car with his son

The son asked why they couldn't just use a sponge.

πŸ‘︎ 148
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bm_eez
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is washing his car with his son

The son asks, "Can't you just use a sponge?".

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyesboyee
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Washing the car with my son

Son: Why can't you just use a sponge, dad?

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealityPalez
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I was washing a car with my friend

And then they asked me to just use a sponge

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WeezyMac_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report

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