what a racket
I said "that's my cue."
“Ya know, a little floor play?”
It really dampened my mood.
"You grab one end and I’ll grab the other!!"
She responded, "How about now?"
"Stairs don't talk!"
She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.
Chip off the old block she is!
Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!
I Just responded with “dad, stairs don’t talk”
The man reply’s: “Unfortunately the stairs don’t talk.”
I never imagined my house would have a drug attic.
Audi do that
When they left, the burglars took the stairs.
Long story short, the stairs didn't respond.
Well that’s a different story.
... his dad calls angrily after him: "YOUNG MAN, WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT SLAMMING THE DOORS?!"
He went to slip
But that’s another story.
So he went upstairs and he popped.
"No, we have normal stairs."
Me- you can just walk if you want. Daughter-shut up Me-ok
She said, “don’t change too much, I like you the way you are!”
I told him, “nah I should be able to get them up there today”
Me: Why the hell is there a man upstairs?
Holding a wet five dollar bill. Says he washed it. I told him he shouldn’t launder money.
I got up and told her "I'll get this end. You take the other one"
I knew my wife would have "Welcome to Night Vale" on before bed, so I brought up a candle for a little spooky ambiance.
Sure enough, she was absorbed by the show already when I got into the room. I said, "We had like sixteen of these downstairs."
She, not fully paying attention, said," sixteen of what? "
"Sixteen... CANDLES."
I posted this over on r/MaliciousCompliance and was told that it might fit over here as well.
> Wife: "I think I left my phone on the nightstand. Would you please run up the stairs for me, dear?"
> Me: "Sure, hon."
> I dash up the stairs, turn around at the top and come charging down the stairs again.
> Me: "Phew, that was fun. Good idea."
> Wife: "..."
He says it's only fair since Mom has a pool boy.
...Neither of these things are true. He says this all the time. Pls help.
Edit: They don't have a pool either.
"I'm not sure," I replied. "I haven't eaten any."
Him: "Hey, I'm cutting the power now."
click
Him: "Did it work?"
Me: "I don't know…It's too dark to tell!"
Me: "I wish we had a sun room in the house"
Dad: "We do, its upstairs, we have a daughter room too"
My friends and i were moving a heavy dresser upstairs. We would say "One, two, three, LIFT!". He watched from the bottom of the stairs and shouted, "Try countin to two now! Youll get there in half the time!"
He replied the stairs don’t talk.
"Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
I replied " No ..."
She responded: "How about now?"
Hunny, do you ever get a shooting pain like someone has a voodoo doll of you and they are stabbing it? I said no. She said How about now?
Unfortunately i had to remind him that the stairs don’t talk.
I told him the stairs couldn’t talk
Unfortunately the stairs can't talk.
